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So upset about what DP’s kids said about me
193

WillThisUsernameDo · 05/12/2021 22:51

I’ve been seeing DP for about 18 months now. He’s a really lovely guy, we have a great laugh. We live apart, about an hour away from each other and no plans to move in together in the next few years. He has 2 ds’s age 17 and 14, I have 2 age 9 and 5. He has his boys half the time and we’ve spent a fair amount of time together and they’re really great boys, really funny although occasionally grumpy in a typical teenage boy way. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together, not staying in the same room but same hotel and meeting up for meals then he’d do activities with his kids, I did stuff with mine and we did a few activities together if they were suitable for all of them. We’re by no means attempting to blend our families but we all get on well and, as far as I was aware, there was no resentment or anything from either kids or adults about the relationship.

Anyway, my Dsis lives in the same town as my DP. She joined a social netball team a few months ago and made good friends with a couple of the women there. After her being tagged in a few photos with them I realised that one of them was my DP’s ex wife and mother to their boys (yes, I’m a nosey cow and looked her up on SM ages ago). As soon as I realise who she is I message dsis to tell her and because I want to find out what she’s like (I know, I know). Dsis is really surprised and said that this woman hadn’t been particularly complimentary about me, apparently I’d come up in conversation about Minecraft of all things. It turns out that her boys had nicknamed me The Villager because I have a big nose and laugh like the sound a villager in Minecraft makes. Having had a good search it’s definitely not a complimentary thing and I just feel really hurt. I know they’re teenagers and I don’t expect them to be hugely respectful of me as to them I’m just their dad’s girlfriend. But I’ve bought them birthday and Christmas presents (from me, not DP), they both WhatsApp me meme’s they think I’ll like occasionally, we’ve always had a laugh and never had a cross word.

I don’t know if it’s his ex encouraging it, Dsis certainly said his ex found it funny (Dsis hasn’t mentioned who I am in relation to her yet). As far as I know dp and his ex ended pretty amicably, no cheating and they’re both now in relationships with other people. I haven’t said anything to DP about it because I just feel silly about it.

Any advice? Should I say something?

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Darker · 06/12/2021 16:17

Trouble is this is all speculation and paranoia. Stop looking for stuff to get upset about.

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Tinsellittis · 06/12/2021 16:36

[quote WillThisUsernameDo]@Haggisfish3 because I asked her. She tried to downplay it but I can read her like a book and I niggled it out of her.[/quote]
Then don’t go looking if you don’t like what you find 🤷🏻‍♀️

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WillThisUsernameDo · 06/12/2021 16:43

ExW definitely didn’t know my Dsis was my dsis. We look absolutely nothing alike and both of our FB pages are pretty private. Hers is completely open and, yes, I did have a look when I first got with DP. I don’t think that’s all that unusual though? I know it’s not best practice and will never benefit me but I can’t help myself. All this digging is what’s got me into this mess so it is mostly my fault.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally. They’re good kids and I’m sure the exW is nice enough too if my dsis is mates with her.

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 06/12/2021 16:48

You’ve overstepped on a very intimate conversation between two teenagers whose father is in a very happy relationship whilst their mother might not be.

They have most likely said it to appease her or to make them seem like they don’t like you or that they like you less than her. They never expected for a million years for this conversation to get back to you.

There had been a massive violation of trust from their mum and a lesser one from you. It will eventually come out that the woman from netball is your sister and it won’t do anything for your relationship with the ex or the boys that your sister has very clearly been probing.

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 06/12/2021 16:49

This is very much a case OP of you play with fire, you’re bound to get burnt.

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5128gap · 06/12/2021 16:52

@WillThisUsernameDo

ExW definitely didn’t know my Dsis was my dsis. We look absolutely nothing alike and both of our FB pages are pretty private. Hers is completely open and, yes, I did have a look when I first got with DP. I don’t think that’s all that unusual though? I know it’s not best practice and will never benefit me but I can’t help myself. All this digging is what’s got me into this mess so it is mostly my fault.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally. They’re good kids and I’m sure the exW is nice enough too if my dsis is mates with her.

Well its certainly true that the majority of people enjoy a laugh at someone else's expense at some point, and it doesn't make them awful people, just a bit immature and cruel in the moment. Nor does it mean they dislike the person they are laughing at, or would ever want them to be hurt by finding out what they'd said. You sound like a nice and pragmatic person OP in not writing them off over this childishness
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HeartsAndClubs · 06/12/2021 16:53

Your sister sounds like a shit-stirring bitch.

And tbh, she likely told you all this because she knows that deep down you want the ex to be a horrible person. Maybe the kids did say something and the ex pulled them up on it, after all she’s not going to relay her full conversation to your sister is she? Why would she?

But let’s be honest here, you’re with a man who said he thought you looked like a dog but he fancied a shag, and you’re upset with his kids for some comment about mine craft? Me thinks your issue is with him not them.

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WillThisUsernameDo · 06/12/2021 17:26

@HeartsAndClubs My sister is not a bitch and I am very happy with my partner. Chill.

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maxbaby · 06/12/2021 17:52

Your sister sounds like a shit-stirring bitch.

Don't people have siblings that are honest with them and don't sugar coat stuff??
Siblings are usually the people you can count on to give you honest feedback or be entirely truthful about a situation. A shit stirring bitch is really overdoing it

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Restart10 · 06/12/2021 18:03

The Ex sounds nasty. Even if her kids did say that, surely as a parent you don't join in the laughter but rather point it out that it isn't nice to pick on someone's appearance. I can't imagine laughing along with my dd, mocking someone else. And the other thing is, who then goes on to tell others about it? Surely it shows everyone how nasty you are? I think she probably knew it was your sister somehow and wanted this to get back to you.

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itlod · 06/12/2021 21:06

@HeartsAndClubs But let’s be honest here, you’re with a man who said he thought you looked like a dog but he fancied a shag,


WTAF?? Where did that even come from?

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NataliaSerene · 06/12/2021 21:50

[quote WillThisUsernameDo]@HeartsAndClubs My sister is not a bitch and I am very happy with my partner. Chill.[/quote]
I won't go so far as to call her names, but can you imagine how her netball friends are going to feel when they find out she's your sister and carrying negative info back to you?

This happened to me once. It's pretty wretched.

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/12/2021 22:03

I think this says way more about her than you to be honest. They are very unlikely at that age to go back to their mum and go on about how amazing you are, they may think it would upset her, or it may have been one comment when they first met you before they got to know you. And as others have said if it's the worst they can say about you then they probably approve. I would rise above it as in not sure what saying something would actually achieve other than making them feel embarrassed. I do think your sister should have kept quiet though

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WillThisUsernameDo · 06/12/2021 22:11

@NataliaSerene dsis won’t tell them that she told me, although ExW might realise that she has/ could’ve done.I can’t imagine I’ll ever meet the ExW and I have no reason to think that my dsis would stop being friends with her. I’m guessing ExW won’t say anything nasty about me to her in the future though (hopefully!).

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WillThisUsernameDo · 06/12/2021 22:12

@maxbaby that’s what I thought. If it was anyone other than my dsis then I might think differently but we are absolutely as close as possible to be (not twins but we’re in the same year group and form at school). If she asked me something similar I’d tell her 🤷‍♀️

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ImustLearn2Cook · 06/12/2021 23:03

@Juniper68 I had tried copy and pasting her user name into search and it only came up with two results neither of which were the thread. I eventually found it tho.

I’ve seen people asking for links to other threads many times on Mumsnet. So, it obviously is the done thing. Hmm

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Closetbeanmuncher · 06/12/2021 23:28

I don't understand why your sister didn't put her in her place immediately

Exactly my thoughts.

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caringcarer · 06/12/2021 23:42

I would find out some more traits this Villager has and start displaying them when with these 2 boys. Eventually they will cotton on.

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Onthedunes · 06/12/2021 23:49

@HeartsAndClubs

Your sister sounds like a shit-stirring bitch.

And tbh, she likely told you all this because she knows that deep down you want the ex to be a horrible person. Maybe the kids did say something and the ex pulled them up on it, after all she’s not going to relay her full conversation to your sister is she? Why would she?

But let’s be honest here, you’re with a man who said he thought you looked like a dog but he fancied a shag, and you’re upset with his kids for some comment about mine craft? Me thinks your issue is with him not them.

Eh

What a response.
Are you the ex ?
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NataliaSerene · 07/12/2021 02:48

[quote WillThisUsernameDo]@NataliaSerene dsis won’t tell them that she told me, although ExW might realise that she has/ could’ve done.I can’t imagine I’ll ever meet the ExW and I have no reason to think that my dsis would stop being friends with her. I’m guessing ExW won’t say anything nasty about me to her in the future though (hopefully!).[/quote]
It feels like you aren’t getting how awful and wrong this situation is here.

How would you feel to learn that you’d been talking to someone who had a close, hidden connection to this woman and purposely concealed it from you while you prattled on about your daily life rather than immediately disclosing it to you?

I would have immediately distanced myself from my boyfriend’s ex-wife’s family and friends if I encountered them. I’d still be friendly, but certainly more guarded and thoughtful. I would feel very betrayed to learn someone in my life was not telling me about this kind of connection the moment they recognized it themselves.

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KalvinPhillipsManBun · 07/12/2021 03:45

@WillThisUsernameDo

I’ve been seeing DP for about 18 months now. He’s a really lovely guy, we have a great laugh. We live apart, about an hour away from each other and no plans to move in together in the next few years. He has 2 ds’s age 17 and 14, I have 2 age 9 and 5. He has his boys half the time and we’ve spent a fair amount of time together and they’re really great boys, really funny although occasionally grumpy in a typical teenage boy way. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together, not staying in the same room but same hotel and meeting up for meals then he’d do activities with his kids, I did stuff with mine and we did a few activities together if they were suitable for all of them. We’re by no means attempting to blend our families but we all get on well and, as far as I was aware, there was no resentment or anything from either kids or adults about the relationship.

Anyway, my Dsis lives in the same town as my DP. She joined a social netball team a few months ago and made good friends with a couple of the women there. After her being tagged in a few photos with them I realised that one of them was my DP’s ex wife and mother to their boys (yes, I’m a nosey cow and looked her up on SM ages ago). As soon as I realise who she is I message dsis to tell her and because I want to find out what she’s like (I know, I know). Dsis is really surprised and said that this woman hadn’t been particularly complimentary about me, apparently I’d come up in conversation about Minecraft of all things. It turns out that her boys had nicknamed me The Villager because I have a big nose and laugh like the sound a villager in Minecraft makes. Having had a good search it’s definitely not a complimentary thing and I just feel really hurt. I know they’re teenagers and I don’t expect them to be hugely respectful of me as to them I’m just their dad’s girlfriend. But I’ve bought them birthday and Christmas presents (from me, not DP), they both WhatsApp me meme’s they think I’ll like occasionally, we’ve always had a laugh and never had a cross word.

I don’t know if it’s his ex encouraging it, Dsis certainly said his ex found it funny (Dsis hasn’t mentioned who I am in relation to her yet). As far as I know dp and his ex ended pretty amicably, no cheating and they’re both now in relationships with other people. I haven’t said anything to DP about it because I just feel silly about it.

Any advice? Should I say something?

Oh really @WillThisUsernameDo ? You are upset over a villager from Minecraft? Behave for heavens sake, they are funny actually, and if that's all they called you think yourself lucky!
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Silvetmoon · 07/12/2021 04:11

Storm in a teacup. Teenagers saying silly things, their mum just laughing about it.
Very weird behaviour from your sister though.

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EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/12/2021 04:16

Well they don't sound very pleasant, bit like their mother

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maxbaby · 07/12/2021 08:01

Why do people feel it's weird behaviour from the sister? Am I missing something here...?

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cushioncovers · 07/12/2021 08:21

Your sister shouldn't have told you that. What did she hope to achieve by doing so?

Try not to take it personally op. Teenagers can be thoughtless especially when showing off and gaming with their mates.

My exh has me down as 'the fat cow' apparently as his mobile contact. 😂

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