So upset about what DP’s kids said about me

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Actually, I have just looked up these villagers and their ‘has’, they are quite sweet and lovable.

The teenagers, are being, well teenagers. I find it more odd that the exw would say that in front of a bunch of acquaintances, unless she already knows your ds, is your ds and she wanted it to get back to you. Maybe she's jealous of the relationship you have with her dc and was being a cow.

If that's the worst thing they have said then you are doing ok.

Listeners at doors (which is effectively what you've done here) never here good about themselves. It would be better if you try and avoid finding about what people say behind your back in future and just deal w your relationship with his kids face to face.

OP I understand how hurtful this would be. I would be really upset if I'd found out my DP's children had been mocking me with their mum.

That said, I do agree that they have likely said these things just to play down how much they like you to their mum.

I am surprised at people saying you shouldn't have been 'digging' etc - I think it's pretty natural to ask what your partner's ex is like if you find out someone close to you knows them! Surely we all would?

I do think your sister needs to tell the ex who she is now though. Hopefully the ex will feel embarrassed that she made those comments once she realises she made them to your sister.

I think your Dsis is a bit of a cow for even repeating such a thing. Has done noone any good at all and made you feel bad.

Have you thought that the ex has actually looked you up in the same way you looked her up so knows who your sister is and that's why she said it.

[quote WillThisUsernameDo]@Haggisfish3 because I asked her. She tried to downplay it but I can read her like a book and I niggled it out of her.[/quote]
what led to you asking her? I mean it can't be out of the blue.

The other thing I have learned through life is don't chase info you realluy don't want to know...and if it was me i wouldn't do or say anything...teenagers have reasons for doing things (some adults do too) and some of those reasons have been listed on here. Your partner is likely to feel a mix of anger and defensiveness and may also interpret it as "snooping on his kids"

I'd also be saying to your sister that for the future you don't want to know

I can see why this is hurtful, but it is also third hand information. If you go snooping to find out what people are saying behind your back it isn't at all surprising that you find out something you don't like. Everybody whinges about other people sometimes, and teenagers can be particularly harsh. Really, their mum should have pulled them both up on being mean about a person's appearance.

Tbh, both you are your sister are being very underhand here. I would seriously hope your step sons don't find out that you were trying to get info from their mum secretly. I'd go apeshit if my step mum did that, and I'm an adult. I imagine a teenager would be very angry at you for being deceitful.

Honestly it doesn't sound that bad. Kids bond over daft things like this. Taken out of context it does sound offensive and I personally wouldn't like it. I'd probably play them at their own game, play mine craft with them, point out the villager, say 'I think I resemble them, what do you think?'. They might fall about laughing and then you can find some creatures they resemble. Make it fun.

Really they could be saying so much worse than this. Boys bond with daft things like this.

But YANBU - I would feel a bit hurt too.

However much you try they will prob always resent you as being a new person and upsetting the dynamic also it is best to be slightly off with them and not try too hard as they will just resent you even more. The other woman is prob just jealous and insecure that you will try and replace her.

Sorry I'm confused, did the ExW tell your sister knowing she was your sister or before she knew the connection?

Are you sure his ex doesn't know who your sister is? This sounds like a huge coincidence that she would just happen to repeat this. She may have looked you up just like you did her.

That is awful OP and really really unfortunate that you heard it back.

I would be hurt too. My teenage SC slagged off my family's appearance in great detail. It was appalling. Then when I had chemo I was completely bald and gained four stone, I caught one of them filming me.

They're teens. Horrible. It's them and not you.

Your sister is a bitch.

Well his ex sounds lovely, doesnt she?

My kids are 8 and 10. Their dad had a gf for a while and my oldest said something not so nice about her. My reply was, "hey, nothing ungenerous. We dont speak about people like that. You're being nasty just to be nasty and I wont have that here."

It's one thing to talk about them badly if it's about something they have actually done to you. It is quite another to talk about them badly just to laugh at them and if my kids behave in such an ungenerous way then they get pulled up. But his ex just laughed along with them. Maybe she doesnt feel she can parent the 17 year old or something but she doesnt have the same excuse for the youngest.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.