Page 9 | I'm 44 and I have met a guy who is 30 - my daughters are not too happy.

Yummypumpkin · 29/11/2021 15:33

@GetTheFlockOutOfHere

I get their worry tbh. You are almost a generation apart. When you are 60, he will only be 46. You will be almost a pensioner, and he will still only be middle aged. He could well end up being your carer.

Harsh I know, and maybe worse case scenario, but I see why they are concerned, and I don't see it working out.

Or, using facts:

If you are still together in two decades' time (and hence clearly well suited) then when you are 10 years away from retirement he will be solidly middle aged.

Funny how facts sound so less dramatic and shaming, isn't it!

I think the post has just convinced me to advise OP to go for it. Narrow mindedness sucks.

DirectionToPerfection · 29/11/2021 15:34

Oh Christ @TarasCrazyTiara you're just making it worse.

Young dudes 😂😂😂

I doubt OP's man sees himself as a 'dude' (young or otherwise).

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 29/11/2021 15:36

@ReadyforTakeOff and I hope the op takes on board that there is nothing to be concerned about and her daughter's need to realise she is a person with her own life.

5128gap · 29/11/2021 15:44

@foodiscomplicated

Ppl are right that we don't bat an eye if the man is much older. So on that nana is crack on But remember men often stray as soon as their partner hit the menopause. Not me. But the marriages around me that have foundered feature that dynamic. And guess what? The blokes trade down in years. The relationship with your daughters is precious. So as I said earlier proceed but caution and eyes wide open.

How do you know that the marriages that have floundered have been due to the woman's menopause, rather than the woman getting fed up with the aging man she's married to? And blokes trade down in years do they? For most when they hit middle age they might in their dreams, but unless very wealthy, successful or otherwise exceptional, there's rarely a queue of young women waiting to make it a reality. The idea that middle aged men are more desirable than their same age partners is a total myth. All the older women I know look and act years younger than their same age partners. So I'd say the typical 46 year old man is probably a good match to the typical a 60 year old woman, both in looks and vitality.

thenewduchessofhastings · 29/11/2021 15:59

You've got to love the misogyny from women towards women on here.

No one would care if the OP was a 30 year old woman with a 44 year old boyfriend.

The OP's children are being abit selfish;mum has the right to be happy.Her eldest DD is probably abit uncomfortable about her mums boyfriend being close in age to her;she may even be a little Jealous.Their dad is younger than his partner also.

Crack on OP;hopefully they'll both come around.

Momijin · 29/11/2021 16:13

@thenewduchessofhastings

You've got to love the misogyny from women towards women on here.

No one would care if the OP was a 30 year old woman with a 44 year old boyfriend.

The OP's children are being abit selfish;mum has the right to be happy.Her eldest DD is probably abit uncomfortable about her mums boyfriend being close in age to her;she may even be a little Jealous.Their dad is younger than his partner also.

Crack on OP;hopefully they'll both come around.

That's rubbish. I'd have said the same if it was roles reversed. I see lots of old men on tik tok with young women and I feel sorry for them.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 16:34

I'm wondering if @TarasCrazyTiara is in her 70's and that's whats causing the consternation. Back in HER day and all that. Because i can't imagine anyone younger describing a 30 year old man as some horny young dude inc a 16 yo who likely considers 30 oid and a 24 yo who is married with kids herself so is fully aware that 30 is in fact not young?

But then she says crap like the milf fetish at best or a weird Norman Bates thing and i assume she must have had her kids at 16 at the eldest as she thinks that 14 years is old enough to be a parental figure and kick into "kinky mommy sex"

So TAra's daughter was ok to marry someone to satisfy her Daddy fetish because they were on the same page with life and family goals so how is OP not? They're both separated / divorced, with kids, don't want more kids. How is that NOT the same page with life and family goals?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 16:37

someone her daughter could date so how does this work?
daughter is 24, Mom is 44. Daughter is allowed to date someone 14 years older than herself so up to 38. What about a 16 year age gap or 20 year age gap? If the only thing that matters is that they want kids? So Mom can't date anyone her own age group say 40+ because that's within the acceptable age range for the daughter. Perhaps if you divorce, you're only allowed to date until you kids are 16 and then you should be relegated to a sexless existence in case your kids want to date him too?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 16:39

I'd have said the same if it was roles reversed. I see lots of old men on tik tok with young women and I feel sorry for them. except 44 isnt old ffs and 30 isnt young!

YRGAM · 29/11/2021 16:40

Do what makes you happy. Mumsnet is seriously weird about this topic

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 16:43

who enjoy that type of lifestyle the kind of lifestyle where two adults with similar life experiences (separation, kids) date and hopefully have great sex?

It's so weird that you think your 19 year old was old enough to date an experienced adult 13 years her senior, but you think a 30 year old man doing the same is a pervert with Mommy issues / that the person he dates but be a pervert with hebephile tendencies

AuntMasha · 29/11/2021 16:43

Everyone over about 28 is old when you’re 16!

I’ve told my handsome older dh (14 year age gap) that he groomed me when I was 26, and that we should separate because people on Tiktok feel sorry for me. 🤣

DirectionToPerfection · 29/11/2021 16:54

It's so weird that you think your 19 year old was old enough to date an experienced adult 13 years her senior, but you think a 30 year old man doing the same is a pervert with Mommy issues / that the person he dates but be a pervert with hebephile tendencies

It's absolutely batshit. So is the claim that anyone who disagrees with her (i.e. just about everyone on this thread) is an old lady with a fetish for young horny dudes, enjoying 'that kind of lifestyle'. 😂

At the same time she claims this type of relationship is very uncommon. So which is it? 😉

MissPC · 29/11/2021 16:56

OP, there’s some weird views in this thread. I don’t see a problem with your relationship at all, what I would say is that 10 months isn’t long so I would just keep seeing him and keep that part of your life separate for the time being. If the relationship lasts and he treats you well your children will come round. Lots of things your parents do are ‘cringe’ when you are 16!

nannybeach · 29/11/2021 17:03

I'm 71, DH 64,my eldest DD is 51 so he's only 13 years older, than her. Never had any problems. In my late 30s I went out with guys 18 to 25.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 17:25

@Cupcake00 if you're still here, just talk to the girls. find out what the issue is in case its legit (ie how he treats you rather than Tara's assumption you spank his botty whilst he calls you Mommy). They might just be weirded out cos its new, he might come across like he isn't good enough for you,

SailorJayne · 29/11/2021 17:48

In my personal opinion and experience, your daughters are old enough to not be factored in the decision of your relationship. My mother is dating someone 12 years older than her and travels 2 hours to see him most weekends, he has dropped her a couple of times but she has gone back to him because she’s not looking for it to be serious she just wants a life outside of her home and he’s happy with that too. My brothers don’t like this at all but they’re both in their 20’s, as am I, and aren’t factored into her decisions with dating, they’re too grown. I personally haven’t got a problem with her situation and think that as long as she is happy and enjoying herself after raising us three most of her life then where is the harm.

It may sound harsh to some but there does just come a point in life when a parent needs to continue with their own life once their children become independent.

WhenSepEnds · 29/11/2021 18:14

@Cupcake00

I met him in work. So knew him for about 18 months previous. He has always been so lovely and we always had a laugh when at work. We went on a few dates and since both changed jobs. I was very very apprehensive at first and very aware of the age gap. The more I have got to know him (its been about 10 months), the more I forget about the gap in age. I have dated in the past and I have never met anyone so kind and so caring. I told my daughters 24 and 16 about him a few weeks back and they have now met him. They're not happy at all. To the point my eldest has distanced herself quite a bit. My 16 year old says it's 'cringy'. I now feel more anxious than I did to begin with, when the age concerned me. Is it all worth it. Some friendly advice would be appreciated.

I think in fairness I'd be mortified if I was your oldest child initially but then when I thought about it, you've been single for a long time so there must be something special about this guy.

SarahBellam · 29/11/2021 18:26

[quote GetTheFlockOutOfHere]@Feelingoktoday

My ex H was 45 when he dated a 26 year old and is now married to her. I bet no one has said such ageist crap to him!

I bet they said it behind his back.

Trust me, when you date/marry someone young enough to be your child, people WILL talk behind your back. Yes, they really will..........

You are incredibly naïve if you think no-one said anything about your ex and his new wife. People who knew him would have talked about him, (behind his back,) and people who didn't know him would have thought he was her dad.[/quote]
Haha, like he would care what people thought. He'd be too busy shagging a hot 26 year old. His friends were probably green with envy.

OP, you're happy, he's happy. The 16yo will think any relationship between people older than 25 is eww, the 26yo, has her own busy life. Go for it, have a blast and enjoy yourself. You totally deserve this happiness.

Allthatglittersandgold · 29/11/2021 18:59

My husband is 13 years older than me. There is only 7 years age difference between my husband and step dad. I have never even given it a second thought until I read your post.

HereticFanjo · 29/11/2021 21:34

@TarasCrazyTiara you officially win my special 'Internet weirdo of the day' tiara. I'm taking the crazy tiara off you, its work is done!

Are you a 58 year old man incensed that a 44 year old woman is dating someone 14 years younger instead of default 14 years older?

Dreamstate · 29/11/2021 21:55

If your daughters were dating someone younger than then I bet your bottom dollar they would be pissed off if you didn't support them.

TarasCrazyTiara · 30/11/2021 03:35

@SleepingStandingUp

I’m actually slightly younger than OP. Like I said, because of life stages it’s quite different from daughter. Especially for a divorced woman with children.
But if OP and her lad are happy and she doesn’t mind embarrassing and distancing her daughters, then I hope the lad isn’t just some milf chaser that leaves her feeling foolish for nothing.

Thursdaymiami · 30/11/2021 03:41

@TarasCrazyTiara
You live up to your name!

junebirthdaygirl · 30/11/2021 05:08

My dh is 8 years older than me. For years it never was an issue. Never hardly realised it. But now l am 60 and he is 68 there is definitely a difference and l am struggling with it. I like to exercise, travel , meet new people etc while he has become "older" in his ways. So l am a bit wary of age differences either way.
I just read about Richard and Judy where he was affected when over 70s had to stay home during lockdown as being in his 60s he was free to go out and about. That affects a relationship. So l would say think long and hard about getting involved with anyone much different in age..man or woman.