I'm 44 and I have met a guy who is 30 - my daughters are not too happy.

[Cupcake00]

I met him in work. So knew him for about 18 months previous. He has always been so lovely and we always had a laugh when at work. We went on a few dates and since both changed jobs. I was very very apprehensive at first and very aware of the age gap. The more I have got to know him (its been about 10 months), the more I forget about the gap in age. I have dated in the past and I have never met anyone so kind and so caring. I told my daughters 24 and 16 about him a few weeks back and they have now met him. They're not happy at all. To the point my eldest has distanced herself quite a bit. My 16 year old says it's 'cringy'. I now feel more anxious than I did to begin with, when the age concerned me. Is it all worth it. Some friendly advice would be appreciated.

@SleepingStandingUp

It’s being older with older kids that just makes it weird and a bit creepy on both ends. They're both into adulthood so no hebephile vibes. So is it that you think it's akin to something a little incestuous? Like oohh if she's shag a guy 14 years younger than herself she's basically be OK shagging one of her own kids?? I'm mean I'm massively stretching here but I can't see how it's creepy two "proper" adults with kids and exs having sex with each other is creepy.

No you're not over stretching. That's pretty much where the people saying its weird and creepy are coming from. Whenever there's a woman older age gap thread someone pops out the 'you could be his MOTHER!!!' cliché. The use of mother is a deliberate and insidious little hint at incest, designed to make the older woman feel she is some sort of pervert for daring to step outside of the middle age box people (ageist/sexists) want to keep her in.

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@ReadyforTakeOff at the age her kids are they're being selfish. It has nothing to do with her kids who OP spends her time with. Is she meant to remain single forever just in case it makes her 16 year old cringe?! [/quote]
One to take up with her kids then but seems like you think the world is perfect. As we all know, we can't behave in ways without thinking about others around us.

Let's agree to disagree.

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@Comedycook

So what? Even if I do that’s got nothing to do with hating myself or other women. But it’s not double standards, if a really responsible 21 year old man married a woman in her early 30’s then I would be fine with that too, it’s just a lot lot less likely.

It’s being older with older kids that just makes it weird and a bit creepy on both ends.[/quote]
Its misogyny because your view stems from the attitude that older women have no business engaging in certain relationships of their choosing. That once a woman reaches a certain age she should restrict herself to a maternal role in relation to people younger than herself. And that if she doesn't confirm to this role, you are entitled to use offensive terms like weird and creepy, the sort of terms used for sex pests/ offenders to describe her. No one uses language like that about a person unless they despise them. And thats misogyny.

@ReadyforTakeOff the op is not behaving remotely wrong. Her kids need to accept she is not theirs to control

@Comedycook

You can tell yourself that if you want but her daughters attitudes show that that isn’t the case at all. Middle aged people often flatter themselves that younger people view them as young and that times have changed but it’s not reality. So from the outside world and DD’s perspective this looks like a middle aged divorced woman banging about with some horny young dude who’s into that kind of thing.

@5128gap

I’m not describing her that way, I’m describing how the DD’s view her relationship. If anything he is more likely the one with the milf fetish at best or a weird Norman Bates thing, I think it sounds like a midlife crises playing out in front of her daughters disappointed eyes from her side.
Sorry but that’s real talk and just how I see it.

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@Comedycook

You can tell yourself that if you want but her daughters attitudes show that that isn’t the case at all. Middle aged people often flatter themselves that younger people view them as young and that times have changed but it’s not reality. So from the outside world and DD’s perspective this looks like a middle aged divorced woman banging about with some horny young dude who’s into that kind of thing.[/quote]
If you think a thirty year old father is a "horny young dude" then what about your son in law, was he a horny young dude hanging round your dd who was barely into adulthood?

@Comedycook

That’s very very different, they were on the same page with life and family goals and both families fully accept that without questioning (as far as I’m aware). OP and her young man may well be on the same page with their relationship goals as well - but when those goals are to have some fun with someone her daughter could date and him to have an older woman - OP’s DD’s may not be on the same page and want to be around it. Which they aren’t as they have expressed. I mean it’s serious current day Madonna vibes .

Actually just read your DD was 19...so a "horny young dude" in his thirties hanging round your teenage DD is absolutely fine and natural looking...but a thirty year old man dating a woman is her forties must have a fetish and she's creepy...

Cripes...have a word with yourself

Your comments are vile @TarasCrazyTiara

You have some extremely odd ideas. Basically saying the woman is past it and the man is some sort of weird horny dirtbag (despite him being a 30 year old with a child, who has got to know the OP over time).

I find it interesting that you infantilise a 30 year old man, yet claim your 21 year old is mature grown woman.

Honestly your views are baffling and quite disturbing.

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@5128gap

I’m not describing her that way, I’m describing how the DD’s view her relationship. If anything he is more likely the one with the milf fetish at best or a weird Norman Bates thing, I think it sounds like a midlife crises playing out in front of her daughters disappointed eyes from her side.
Sorry but that’s real talk and just how I see it.[/quote]
So do you have much experience on which to base your views of younger men who date older women?

I was 36 when I met DH, he was 22. We are still happily married 12 years laters, with 2 kids.

However, the difference I would imagine is that I had two kids with him, I didn't already have kids.

I didn't already have kids who were closer in age to him. I never felt 36. I have aged massively since having kids!

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@5128gap

I’m not describing her that way, I’m describing how the DD’s view her relationship. If anything he is more likely the one with the milf fetish at best or a weird Norman Bates thing, I think it sounds like a midlife crises playing out in front of her daughters disappointed eyes from her side.
Sorry but that’s real talk and just how I see it.[/quote]
Fucking hell you're awful. Stop tying yourself in knots trying to justify why it's ok for your daughter to be married to a creepy older guy with a teenage girl fetish but not for anyone else.

I actually find TarasCrazyTiara posts really disturbing. Quite deranged

You have some extremely odd ideas

Yes, very odd indeed. Such pursed-lipped meanness of spirit too.

OP look at Joan Collins and Percy Gibson. And many others.
Be happy.
The end.
💐

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@5128gap

I’m not describing her that way, I’m describing how the DD’s view her relationship. If anything he is more likely the one with the milf fetish at best or a weird Norman Bates thing, I think it sounds like a midlife crises playing out in front of her daughters disappointed eyes from her side.
Sorry but that’s real talk and just how I see it.[/quote]
And can you not see the misogyny underlying what you've written there? You don't know the OP from a hole in the ground. Yet you have decided, based purely on her age, that the only reason a 30 year old man could be interested is if he's got a fetish. Not because she may be beautiful, interesting, kind, and bring a host of other desirable qualities to the table. To you, her age renders her valueless to him other than as a kink. Meanwhile in your imagination he, with the double whammy of bring both young and male, has the higher value and can only be using OP to fulfil a sexual need. You must see how sexist and ageist it is to assume this about two total strangers?

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@Comedycook

That’s very very different, they were on the same page with life and family goals and both families fully accept that without questioning (as far as I’m aware). OP and her young man may well be on the same page with their relationship goals as well - but when those goals are to have some fun with someone her daughter could date and him to have an older woman - OP’s DD’s may not be on the same page and want to be around it. Which they aren’t as they have expressed. I mean it’s serious current day Madonna vibes .[/quote]
You just need to stop now, you sound unhinged.

I always wondered who the women out there were that hated women and I think I’ve found them on this thread!!!!

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@ReadyforTakeOff the op is not behaving remotely wrong. Her kids need to accept she is not theirs to control[/quote]
Why do you think they are "controlling her"? From what has been described they have expressed concern which they have a right to do.

What the OP does with that information is up to her. What do you think she should do out of interest?

You're adults and whilst having the ok from your DC would be nice, it isn't essential.
I have a friend who is 52, her husband is 39. They've been together a decade - the only difference is that neither of them had children when they met.
Life's too short to pander to other people's expectations.

@ReasyforTakeOff expressed concern? Why? What is there to be concerned about? I would stop sharing my private life with them and carry on if they cannot be adult about it.

@XiCi

Hey if you’re older and like young dudes have it it, more power to you. I’ve obviously unintentionally upset some women who enjoy that type of lifestyle. But out here in the real world when your a divorce 44 year old woman with two grown children, bringing home a man your eldest could be dating isn’t going to go over to well with them.

If you really believe that’s a minority reaction your kidding yourself.

@ElizabethG81

I’m just telling it like it is. Her daughters reaction would be the most common one by far. I have no idea why she wasn’t expecting it.

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@ReasyforTakeOff expressed concern? Why? What is there to be concerned about? I would stop sharing my private life with them and carry on if they cannot be adult about it.[/quote]
Cool but not sure the OP wants to take the "I don't give a crap about anyone else" approach.

Hence the thread.