How do you talk to other women?

[littlepieces]

I've always found making friendships, or even just conversation, with women really difficult, I feel like there's something I'm just not getting. I much prefer the company of men and find them much easier to talk to, easier to maintain relationships with, and much easier to sort of read I suppose. I also never really know what to say to women? With men I just have a laugh, but women don't really communicate like that. What do you talk about with other women? Anyone else similar? Or have any advice?

Eg. I went for a try out at a sports club recently. Another woman around my age was also there for the first time, so I said hi it's my first time here too, haven't played for a while not sure what to expect etc. She just looked at me like I'd spoken in a foreign language, and said nothing back. I tried again, but just got a brief laugh humouring me. And then later we had to pair up for a warm up and I turned to her to ask if she wanted to pair up and she turned immediately away and asked someone else. I don't look unusual or anything so have absolutely no idea what that was all about, but would say that's pretty typical of my social failings!

“ I'm slim and fairly attractive and hit the gym a lot. Would say I've got a respectable arse lol. Defo found that some women are funny about it. The three girls in the traffic office at my last job were all frosty with me and were all pretty big. I bought them some donuts one day because I knew they'd be secretly seething but have to be polite as they weren't 100% sure if I was taking the piss. 😂”

Hmm. It’s a bit chicken and egg, but given your own behaviour are you sure it’s not that they have just identified you as not an especially nice person? There have been women I haven’t got on with over the years but it has never occurred to me to do something like that, it’s a really odd thing to do.

Oh I’ve just noticed you’re the one who is heavily invested in “everyone hates women bosses”. Ok.

@RichTeaRichTea

Oh I’ve just noticed you’re the one who is heavily invested in “everyone hates women bosses”. Ok.

Well, it's the truth. I'm not the one that's heavily invested. Don't really care either way although I do agree that women are usually worse to work for.

It wasn't 'full on'! It was opening chit chat from a newbie!

To you. To me, it would have been. To the woman concerned, it clearly was.

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with either experience. They're just different.

Everybody's different. I think this thread shows that pretty clearly!

@EightWheelGirl

I talk to men and women the same I think. I've found most men to be friendlier to me and some women more frosty. At the risk of sounding big headed I've made money from my looks in the past so I'm alright looking and probably stand out a bit. And some other women have taken issue with this. It was interesting when I gained a few stone after my kids that women had more time for me.

Were you an escort? Some of them make serious £££.

I'm slim and fairly attractive and hit the gym a lot. Would say I've got a respectable arse lol. Defo found that some women are funny about it. The three girls in the traffic office at my last job were all frosty with me and were all pretty big. I bought them some donuts one day because I knew they'd be secretly seething but have to be polite as they weren't 100% sure if I was taking the piss. 😂

Yeah, they weren't frosty with you 'cos of your hot bod.

It's because you're a game-playing goady fucker & a misogynist.

HTH

Yeah, they weren't frosty with you 'cos of your hot bod.

It's because you're a game-playing goady fucker & a misogynist.

I think it's time for your peppermint tea. 😂

Your workplace behaviour is really weird. Maybe work on that.

I have never understood this attitude some people have.

I tend to make friends with people I have things in common with, not because of their genitals.

@RichTeaRichTea

Your workplace behaviour is really weird. Maybe work on that.

I don't need to. My job isn't team based.

@EightWheelGirl

I talk to men and women the same I think. I've found most men to be friendlier to me and some women more frosty. At the risk of sounding big headed I've made money from my looks in the past so I'm alright looking and probably stand out a bit. And some other women have taken issue with this. It was interesting when I gained a few stone after my kids that women had more time for me.

Were you an escort? Some of them make serious £££.

I'm slim and fairly attractive and hit the gym a lot. Would say I've got a respectable arse lol. Defo found that some women are funny about it. The three girls in the traffic office at my last job were all frosty with me and were all pretty big. I bought them some donuts one day because I knew they'd be secretly seething but have to be polite as they weren't 100% sure if I was taking the piss. 😂

If you think women dislike you because of your ‘respectable arse’ why do you think men like you so much? It sounds like the arse is about all you have going for you. For some men, I guess that’s enough.

Anyway, just to help you out, women probably dislike you because you sound like a nasty person.

I feel sorry for women who don't like women. Women are brilliant.

I have met a few though and you can tell they are like that pretty quickly. They usually, at some point, say to me, 'oh I don't usually get on with women but you're different, you're more like me'. And then they go on to list what they don't like about women - vacuous, just interested in talking about kids/make up/boring stuff, and jealous of them of course.

I just feel sorry for them. Women aren't like that, women are fantastic. If you can't be friends with women you are missing out on so much amazing stuff.

I haven't read all the responses, but I'd say your comments to the woman re being new and not knowing how it works are quite closed. If you said that to me, I wouldn't be sure how to respond immediately and might say nothing while I thought about it - the moment would then pass. What is the obvious response? "I'm not new"? "Do you want me to tell you?" If you had worded it differently, maybe asked a question, you might have got an answer. But to then expect that to turn into a friendly chat would be expecting too much. More likely a smile next time you catch their eye, or a "goodbye, see you next time" as you leave. Or "I enjoyed that, glad I came. Do you come regularly?" Built up over time. Most people don't suddenly end up in a full on chat at a new activity unless the activity requires co-operation ie something you need to talk about.

Many years ago I belonged to a social/activity type group. There was a regular place we met each week (with a bar) as well as activities arranged elsewhere. At the bar conversations would often start as we were all there to be social, but there were people who would just come up and interrogate you - what's your name, where do you live, how long have you been a member etc. They were very wearing and I usually made an excuse to move away to talk in a more natural way.
People of both genders did this - though men were more likely to do this to me as meeting the opposite sex was the underlying reason most people attended.

you think women dislike you because of your ‘respectable arse’ why do you think men like you so much? It sounds like the arse is about all you have going for you. For some men, I guess that’s enough.

Anyway, just to help you out, women probably dislike you because you sound like a nasty person.

Where did I say men like me? You're projecting. You've clearly got a maris piper on your shoulder.

@EightWheelGirl

No, you just sound rude to be honest. You say women dislike you because you have a ‘respectable arse’ and then go on to say how you bought three larger women doughnuts because they wouldn’t know if you were taking the piss and so would need to be polite to you.

They will have know you were taking the piss, and judging by your attitude here they will have disliked you because of that, not because you have what you perceive to be a good body.

RichTeaRichTea

"Oh I’ve just noticed you’re the one who is heavily invested in “everyone hates women bosses”. Ok.

Well, it's the truth. I'm not the one that's heavily invested. Don't really care either way although I do agree that women are usually worse to work for."

Nonsense. I've worked for vile bosses, male and female, and lovely ones too, make and female. My current boss is female and she is fantastic.

Nonsense. I've worked for vile bosses, male and female, and lovely ones too, make and female. My current boss is female and she is fantastic.

Was taking about the studies which show that women prefer male bosses.

[quote Kanaloa]@EightWheelGirl

No, you just sound rude to be honest. You say women dislike you because you have a ‘respectable arse’ and then go on to say how you bought three larger women doughnuts because they wouldn’t know if you were taking the piss and so would need to be polite to you.

They will have know you were taking the piss, and judging by your attitude here they will have disliked you because of that, not because you have what you perceive to be a good body.[/quote]
They were always off with me. Fatriarchs of the office not liking a new female in their space. Not my fault they don't want to exercise.

Ah, my mistake. Can’t imagine why anyone dislikes you - you sound lovely.

Was taking about the studies which show that women prefer male bosses.

And this is why 'studies' are pften pointless. Because people are nor experienced enough to look at the data and impactors and really get into the outcome and what effects it.

Bullshit. You just don't like the results. When 500,000 people vote that they prefer male bosses it's fairly conclusive.

@EightWheelGirl

Bullshit. You just don't like the results. When 500,000 people vote that they prefer male bosses it's fairly conclusive.

No. Its really not.

As I said, it's clearly not an area you have experience or knowledge in. Which is fine. But its odd to try and pretend you do.

Age has a lot to do with female relationships, when I was in my 20s and early 30s I found it harder to make female friends than I do now as I'm not a threat to them and they tend to come to me for advice but I do know how they can be with younger woman who they perceive a threat.
I also used to feel the same threatening feelings maybe jealous but now I'm older and have daughters I just see other females as other peoples daughters or as my younger self and want to see them do well and succeed.

No. Its really not.

As I said, it's clearly not an area you have experience or knowledge in. Which is fine. But its odd to try and pretend you do.

With all due respect I can't take this intellectual pomposity seriously from somebody who can't even spell the word 'phoenix'.

@EightWheelGirl

No. Its really not.

As I said, it's clearly not an area you have experience or knowledge in. Which is fine. But its odd to try and pretend you do.

With all due respect I can't take this intellectual pomposity seriously from somebody who can't even spell the word 'phoenix'.

I really don’t get it, why don’t women like you? There’s really no obvious reason - other than your stunning body and their jealousy of course! But other than that I really can’t think of anything…

@EightWheelGirl

I assumed you would have looked into this area and would have at least some info? Given your interest!

Issues with men in workplace, I'd think looking into areas like aggression, sexism, sexual harrassment and assault might be areas where women aren't worse than men. Just a few ideas. Not looked myself not that interested.

It's not just that daily mail link is it? I'm sure you know studies are very prone to bias, researchers just looking to prove hypothesis often based in stereotypes in the first place. Iffy methodology. And whatever some studies say there will be something with the opposite out there somewhere!

I’ve already provided my info. I’m saying that if the pp believes it to be so easy to find contradicting sources then she should put her money where her mouth is.

And no it’s not just the Daily Mail link. Did you like actually read the thread? One study had 500,000 respondents.

Well ok. If you're determined to make this thread about work rather than friends.

I had another look at the DM piece and links.

You seem to have misunderstood or misrepresented the info. The article contains reference to two surveys. Not studies. You have mixed them up into one. Following the links as you insisted other posters do makes it very clear they are surveys so given you will have read the links to the source orgs, I'm surprised you still thought they were studies.

One is a Gallup survey from 2014.

These notes appear at end-

'Results for this Gallup poll are based on telephone interviews conducted Aug. 7-10, 2014, with a random sample of 1,032 adults, aged 18 and older, living in all 50 U.S. states and the District of Columbia.'

'In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.'

news.gallup.com/poll/178484/americans-prefer-male-boss-female-boss.aspx