Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

A few thoughts from me:

1. it seems a bit early for two nights away, I'd dial that back to dinner one night and see how it goes
2. I tend to think people who tell you they have cheated, early on in your meeting them, are testing out whether you'd put up with it, by carrying on seeing him you've shown him you accept it
3. I bet what he told you is the tip of the iceberg, he was testing you
4. it was entirely inappropriate for him to tell you this friend was a previous FWB. All he had to do at this stage of dating was to tell you he had plans this weekend, seeing a friend, etc
5. he was, therefore, testing you again to see how "cool" you are about him having ex (ha!) lovers hanging around (all fine at a later stage, but not with just one meeting!)
6. him saying you were "heading for a relationship" is a red flag, it's love bomby
7. him not contacting you all weekend was to keep you on tenterhooks re the ex, and it worked.

I'd suggest extreme caution with this guy.

@NewlySingle2021

Thanks everyone.

Should I be asking the guys for their personal info a while before meeting, or see if they offer it? If they don't offer it up is that weird? I'd normally just ask outright but of course if they are a creep they could just lie anyway.

Come join us on the next thread and ask away

[quote VanGoghsDog]@ibelieveinmirrorballs

A few thoughts from me:

1. it seems a bit early for two nights away, I'd dial that back to dinner one night and see how it goes
2. I tend to think people who tell you they have cheated, early on in your meeting them, are testing out whether you'd put up with it, by carrying on seeing him you've shown him you accept it
3. I bet what he told you is the tip of the iceberg, he was testing you
4. it was entirely inappropriate for him to tell you this friend was a previous FWB. All he had to do at this stage of dating was to tell you he had plans this weekend, seeing a friend, etc
5. he was, therefore, testing you again to see how "cool" you are about him having ex (ha!) lovers hanging around (all fine at a later stage, but not with just one meeting!)
6. him saying you were "heading for a relationship" is a red flag, it's love bomby
7. him not contacting you all weekend was to keep you on tenterhooks re the ex, and it worked.

I'd suggest extreme caution with this guy.[/quote]
Yup. This one needs thrown back

@NewlySingle2021

Thanks everyone.

Should I be asking the guys for their personal info a while before meeting, or see if they offer it? If they don't offer it up is that weird? I'd normally just ask outright but of course if they are a creep they could just lie anyway.

I never do. All I have is first name and phone number.
You're just meeting for coffee, it doesn't seem necessary to know much more at this point. How much personal info do you want to tell him?

@Shayelle2009

Some men like to have lots of cool women round them purely for the ego boost *@Isitreallyme177*. Don’t let him come creeping back when it goes pears with this one x

@Shayelle2009 thanks I wouldn't say I was that cool, but I'll take that anyway.😘 xx

@Isitreallyme177 you are bloody cool lady. HE is not!

Exactly everything @VanGoghsDog said wise words there. Sorry @ibelieveinmirrorballs

@VanGoghsDog ok thanks, I was just thinking from a safety aspect, maybe I need to have his info to leave with a friend or whatever. At least a surname and phone number. Currently just have a first name and no numbers. Maybe Google them beforehand. Not sure what the done thing is! Obvs I'd be meeting any potentials in a public place but you never know.

[quote NewlySingle2021]@VanGoghsDog ok thanks, I was just thinking from a safety aspect, maybe I need to have his info to leave with a friend or whatever. At least a surname and phone number. Currently just have a first name and no numbers. Maybe Google them beforehand. Not sure what the done thing is! Obvs I'd be meeting any potentials in a public place but you never know. [/quote]
I would imagine you would want to have a name and phone number, That’s what I would normally share before a date 0.