Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SpringlikeBunk I wasn't sure what is going on with the Hog from your post. Is he staying away for longer?

@VanGoghsDog I think you could always drop in a reminder next time he messages along the lines of 'don't forget we are mates MrStone 😁 not lovers'. He probably does need reminding as we are all guilty of 'building castles in the air' when we fancy someone.

Checking in, thank you for the new thread @WeWantTheFinestWines.

@Isitreallyme177 I applaud your decision, it’s not what I would do but the point is that you are being true to yourself. Good luck to you.

My telly broke last night so I was in bed by 10 but couldn’t sleep. Of course I downloaded Tinder for a look-see. Wow. Most ‘profiles’ had no bio, and those that did were 60:40 ranty misogynist ‘don’t waste my time’ etc. Nearly all were physically unattractive (to me) and many were welded into their cars, though there were no fish. It was very depressing. I have a friend who is 60 who has only just shifted her wanker DH from her life. I can see why she’s open to paying a match-maker/dating agency rather than braving the apps. Elite Singles seems to be turning some up for her, mind.

Today I see my darling ex-FIL for the first time in 4 years, I’m really excited! He’s staying with XH who is being an utter nightmare to everyone around him. I shall whisk dear grandad away from him for a few hours but it will be awful delivering him back 😢

@JustThisLastLittleBit if I can sit in front of him and tell him how I feel then walk away with my head held high I've achieved something.

I hope you have a nice time seeing your FIL I'm sure he'll appreciate the break from your ex. Are you doing anything nice with him?

Thanks for the new thread @WeWantTheFinestWines!!

@Isitreallyme177 I think the danger with staying friends now is that you'll use him as an emotional crutch to avoid dating in the real world as you have a nice time with him. Remember, he was happy to prioritise his dating over you (which in a way is right) so you should prioritise yourself and your dating over him. I can imagine in months to come, you'll be talking about him but not about anyone potentially new who could treat you the way you deserve. Basically be careful about staying friends in any way other than the odd text.

@StartingAgain6369 is Miss YM1 the same as Miss Sunglasses?

@BelladiMamma how do you feel about Mr A not getting in touch for a day? I'm glad you have still got a decent roll call though.

What's everyone's plans for the weekend?

Thanks for the new thread.

Not much going on with Mr K as his son has Covid and I'm refusing to meet. Mr K has embraced this and has been fishing the last 3 nights🙄

@Eesha Hopefully coffee and cake with a friend tomorrow and on Sunday the East Anglian contingent are meeting in Colchester for coffee if anyone wants to join us?

@Eesha he suggested meeting for coffee when he gets back to have proper catch up. If I disappear off then it just shows him how I feel and looks like I was only in the friendship for the chance of a relationship (I wasn't it would have been an added bonus). I do feel we genuinely connected and like spending time together. His dating is neither here nor there now. It's done. My dating is a disaster as I hate OLD and don't go out properly (sad fact of having happily coupled friends) but when I went to the Isle of Wight festival I had so much fun flirting with the lovely 24 year old and the guy on the stag do who I knew from somewhere who i kept bumping in to. I know I can do it I just need to go to the right places.

@Isitreallyme177 she sounds absolutely adorable, is she a lap cat? Aren’t they funny how they’re all so completely different, just like us. Mine was very upset with me that I was out last night, but she was so happy to see me when I got home. I’m lucky to have her ❤️❤️ LOML 💗

@Isitreallyme177 I guess he's suggesting coffee as he enjoys your company but would you feel OK spending time with someone you like so much who is happily dating others? Do you genuinely think you could focus on meeting others when you have a nice, hot man to meet for coffees who doesn't expect anything and won't disappoint you in any way? I'm just saying be careful of remaining his fall back girl

@JustThisLastLittleBit that's interesting about Elite Singles as an option. My friend and I were wondering what the alternative options are as even Bumble appears to have gone downhill too.

My weekend will be spent seeing friends and also catching up on Succession.

Before I forget, this is for the Londoners here, I'm starting to notice many more slightly (dare I say it) fake profiles located in Bromley and Hillingdon. I was actually thinking this is a Bumble thing so to look like it has more appealing profiles than there are. I don't think I'm being paranoid here but there appears to be a pattern

My bumble just keeps telling me there are apparently no men within 20 miles of me between 34 and 40 that I haven't already swiped no to

@Shayelle2009

Stay on thread! You’ll

@BelladiMamma

He’s doing what he said he would be doing (and I’ve been away too and he was “loosely” checking for a meet just before I left but I was busy and tired with The Cold too?)

I guess I’m just mindful having come out of a year or so with two long distance irons I want to look forward to the stability of a regular Friday night date and cuddle?

MrHedgehog was at conference abroad just after we met first, now he’s away again....and his career trajectory will have meant he’s used to spending lots of time in new cities seeing international friends and he does consultancy work too.

I guess I’m thinking if things are going to be very slow there, then I might open up to other dates or meets?

@Shayelle2009

*You’ll be loving the opera too!

Hi everyone! :-) I've not been on for a while!

Sorry about Mr Cricket, that's not great - I do think he's taken advantage of the situation slightly. shayelle nice to hear you are happily single!

I'm plodding along too, a couple of dates that went nowhere but hey ho! I actually quite fancy a guy I met in RL but I'm not sure if he's interested, he works in a shop I went in and we had a long chat. We are now 'FB' friends but no mention of meeting up, he's single though! I can't keep going in the shop and making purchases indefinitely so am either going to ask him if he wants to go for a drink or just forget about him.

@Bangheadhere40 ask him out! Ask him out! Ask him out!

Facebook messenger, hey want to meet up for a Coffee this weekend?

Done 🙌🏼

Ha dancemom you make it sound so very simple

The other issue is that if I ask and he says no I just can't go in the shop again, and the nearest one after this is 30 mins away.

Thanks for the new thread have a date Saturday after cancelling my last one. Went out on a limb and asked him

@Bangheadhere40 I often think men have it hard in the sense they are expected to do the asking out. You could just ask in person subtly ie give a clue you'd like to go, or send a message and then avoid the shop going forward

@Eesha thank you. I'm going to see how it goes before making any decisions. If I go and it's awkward or I find I'm struggling then I'll start to pull back.

@Bangheadhere40 thank you. I was quite shocked/hurt/upset. Today is a bit better although I feel like shit for having such a rubbish night's sleep.

@Bangheadhere40 hey lovely! Yes of course you can go in if he says no! I dont reckon he will tho. Do eeeet ! I asked a guy out locally who couldn't (attached) and I have to walk past his shop every day but who cares! He’ll think you're brave and cool!

@SpringlikeBunk @BelladiMamma @Isitreallyme177 @StartingAgain6369 thanks for saying I can stay 💕💕

@Bangheadhere40 order online from them if that happens 😆

I still say it's f**k it Friday, just go for it!

Saying that though my Mr Wildcard date for tonight hasn't messaged me today yet ....

Oh and @Shayelle2009 she is a lap cat on her terms the moment you put both hands near her she is off as she thinks you'll pick her up. I think I might join you on the happy being single bench soon. If a man comes along (preferably in gym kit) who enhances my life great but for now I'm going to enjoy what I have and work on myself. I have ibiza next year too. Speaking of which if the super hot Cricket playing pilot is still going to give me his friends and family discount I need to look at somewhere pretty quickly before he goes all loved up and forgets about me!🤣

@Isitreallyme177 happy you sound in a better place! And i do like the idea of a f2f although do be careful about the 'fallback' thing... ibiza, can i come?

@Shayelle2009 so nice to hear from you and @Bangheadhere40! Definitely ask him
out, nothing ventured, nothing gained! But easier said than done!

Good luck to all those on dates this weekend!

@SpringlikeBunk europe's going insane! I'm literally a stones throw from Germany and France and each country has different rules/restrictions. I just don't know how they are going to come to any sort of agreement here. So many work here but live over the borders so which countries rules apply? It's an awful pressure their heaping on society at the moment. It's nice the 'Igel' has been in touch... but suppose being a pen-pal is never fun. I posted a while ago about being in a confused head-space with magnet-man again as it's LD and also FWB and i don't think i'm handling the ups/downs all too well. Not ready to give up but not sure what the road has in store.

I'm in the truck this afternoon, my instructors letting my keep up my skills! Then one work call, then weeeeekend! Where i'll relax and get some quality time in with my DS. He wants pancakes and to watch Uncle Buck! 🤩

@Naimee87 I have a plus one for the wedding in Ibiza, thats what made me venture to do OLD. 🤣

Nothing todo with dating or relationships, but today is International Men’s day, if you know any men with mental health issues, today is good day to reach out .

internationalmensday.com/