Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yes. Loving this new title.
Thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines
Am currently being respectfully selfish with:
MrDad: about to him the second date as no spark

A whole bunch of WhatsApp chats that have migrated over from Feeld but I haven't yet sorted date zeros or second dates for. A couple of them are acting all huffy cos I can't meet them so they'll get binned soon as well.
Honestly, who'd get involved with me 🤷‍♂️ I've got no time, I'm impatient, I expect lots of attention and will multi date for the foreseeable future. Great bet aren't I 🤣

Feeling quite jaded so will concentrate on old favourites:
MrA: still in touch. First day since mid September he hasn't messaged me so I cracked and messaged him.
BeardFlake: the ultimate flaky pen pal we know and love to hate. He gets sexy pics and random calls for sympathy and attention from me because he is quite reliable in that one area.

So, generally a very unhealthy dating pattern but I'm not leading anyone on and I'm being respectfully selfish 🤣

Oh wow well done (and thank you), you just beat me to it!

I've got a roll call of one: Mr G. Still taking it very slowly - not least because child arrangements make frequent meets tricky. Still remaining constantly vigilant for red flags. But also, still enjoying it. Looking forward to the next rendezvous. Hoping that, however long this relationship/arrangement/whatever-it-is lasts, it can just be nice and fun and happy. That's all I want really - something I can enjoy "for now".

Checking in. Will need to learn to be respectfully selfish although not sure why I should be respectful when he obviously didn't respect me enough to not to lie to my face (twice).

Gonna have to work out what I want and not what he wants to make him feel good about himself.

And thanks for the thread

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Thank you for the new thread

@Isitreallyme177
Glad the blonde worked and you didn't turn ginger!

Nothing much to update as no dates are fixed but I did text Ms YM1 at teatime and she has asked me around for a cup of tea when I'm free but I haven't responded yet

@StartingAgain6369 I'm going to have to do it again in a week or so just to get it lighter (last summer I had the help of the sun). But it's looking better and I now have no grey either.

@Isitreallyme177
I've definitely past the point now of being more grey than normal but even with all the stress it hasn't fallen out

Thanks for new thread

Status update - just been texted by a very tired hedgehog to say where he is etc (he will be abroad for at least another week so all will be quiet there - I think with all the lockdown in Europe news things might be chaotic soon! ) and to tell me about something he’s published.

Going to lean into work myself right now - gagging to be back at the gym/exercise having just moved on from The Cold.

Not sure how to play it if he’s away more - I’m not in the market for another LDR - but will cross that bridge when I come to it.

@PurpleStripyScarf

That kind of sums up what I’m after too I think - not “casual” as in emotionally cold or sex-orientated.

but just some “nice dates” without lots of angst and worry and “thinking about what it all means” rather than just taking things at enjoyable face value.

Checking in.

My life is a complete mess, but Mr Gambit's back now, so that should be good 🙂❤️

Not in a romantic way, just that we hadn't been taking and I missed him 🙂❤️

Thank you for the thread, @WeWantTheFinestWines ❤️

Insomnia is a great thing 😴. But at least I have been able to think. I'm still pretty hurt (and still hope it fails), but I also don't want to lose him from my life(we do have a great time together and are/could be great friends). It's so so difficult because I need to work out if I can put my feelings to the side or whether I want to tell him how I am feeling and risk losing him. I'm wondering if meeting up with him when he gets back, like he suggested, might actually be a good thing. See how we both are with each other now, see if we can be honest with where we see things going ans whether friendship is possible(and I will pick him up on his ignoring me for two weeks).

As you can probably see I'm still ever so confused.

Checking in! Ball is in Mr 3rd times court for another meet.

Had a couple of matches so will see if they leas to anything, but in all honesty, I think I'm gonna focus on other things for a while

Oh I do have a 2nd date lined up with an iron I met a couple of weeks ago, I'm not sure it will go anywhere but I think we could be friends.

Thanks for the new thread! I’m seeing Mr Beard tonight. I’ve been away in London for work so we haven’t seen each other for a week, think we’re basically going to have a drink and some food and then jump on each other 😊 Whether it’ll work out between us long term I don’t know, for now just trying to live in the moment. Nowadays I take each day one step at a time.

Hope you all have lovely weekends

Checking in!
I've only really got MrTeacher ongoing - the third date ended up being absolutely more physical than I'd expected! Not slept together yet but a nice time was had...I don't think we're that compatible in many ways but the chemistry is certainly there so will enjoy his company for as long as it lasts.
Chatting to one other on bumble but finding time for a date with him is going to be tricky.
MrTattoo still around as a friend but there's the odd thing that makes me wonder if he sees me as more. I'm keeping an eye as I basically don't want to be like Mr Cricket and others who end up hurting people. I like MrTattoo so much, never want to make him feel bad.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry to hear things aren't great right now, but good news if someone who makes you happy is around.
@BellaDiMamma has MrA responded? How are you feeling about him now?
@PurpleStripyScarf sounds ideal, no pressure and just the nice bits of being with someone without pressure. I think that's the dream for many of us!
Hello to everybody else and have happy Fridays!

Checking in

Told Mr Engineer the sex chat was shallow and if he didn't have more substance it wasn't interesting for me. He improved for 24 hours then descended again so he got archived.

Going for a date with Mr Wildcard tonight, it's grown from a coffee to dinner and drinks but I'm thinking, feck it, sometimes you just need to break the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I didn't send him the message but I did send him a message saying "I hope you have a relaxing break and enjoy the sun(kind of jealous of you getting some sun). Let me know when you get back and we can go for that coffee and have a proper catch up. My days working from home are all over the place so I need a few days notice though."

I think I want to talk to him face to face, grab some power. It was my lack of confidence and insecurity that got me in this mess, I'm going to be a kick ass girl from now on. No more being scared of telling people how I feel. And I'll deal with the fall out like an adult (probably be on here crying again🤦‍♀️).

But it feels good finally making a decision. Next is to find that eye candy from the gym yesterday (there is something about a man who wears shorts over running tights, he was fit though🙈😳).

Hey all, checking in, thank you @WeWantTheFinestWines for the new thread and loving the title! Damned straight!

@Isitreallyme177 thinking of you, and sorry you're hurting. I agree that you should tell him how you feel, don’t worry about upsetting him and stuff. You are number 1, do what you like here. As an aside I wish I could meet your cat because it’s 5.8kg 😍😍. WOW what a beast 😂 I love a cuddly animal! Mine’s 3.5 kg but looks about 10kg as she’s persian and is mostly hair!

@MizK that’s lovely there was unexpected chemistry with mr teacher!

I’m hungover again today had a wonderful raucous night out in a cocktail bar… no chats with any men though! But I am genuinely really happy in my life at the mo concentrating on my friendships which bring me so much fulfillment and happiness. I actually don’t feel like I want to meet anyone, because whenever I do they upset my equilibrium. So I’m staying happily single but I still very much want to be part of this thread if noone minds. 💛

@SpringlikeBunk yay for mr hedgehog.. you're on his mind girl 💞

@dancemom I agree, just get out there whilst it's fun and the rest of the time pretend you don't care 😊

@Isitreallyme177 so good to see you feeling more positive! I am sure it will be a bumpy ride

Well here I am wondering if I did the right thing or not. I really miss him and I've decided to lean into those feelings and also consider what it is about him that I liked so much...
We've got shared ethnicity and therefore jokes, politics, childhood memories etc and attitudes to our religion and culture are similar
He's a creative
His physical appearance- which has a lot to do with our shared background. I felt like he was a fitter and bigger version of me. Yes it's narcissistic but also familiar so it helped me to trust him and feel comfortable
His voice and his accent (MELT)
I was able to be very honest with him

What I didn't like...
I was treated like one of the lads
His feelings for me weren't going in the same direction as mine
The sex was good but he was so tired after the shows it wasn't quite as much of a marathon as I normally like, and I was missing the long hours in bed that I want from a new lover
The hundreds of fans on his Instagram swooning every time he posted something although I've posted a couple of dry non swoon comments which he's appreciated - I'm basically aiming for Sharon Horgan levels of dry and honest humour. To be fair I'm being true to myself in doing that and true to our relationship as I was basically 'ok handsome did you forget your pants AGAIN' and that was kind of the way we spoke to each other

He answered my text, a friendly one line reply at midnight. Will really try to leave it now as I know I'm not going to lose touch with him & I just need to chill

In other news my ex has really stepped up. I've managed to engage his competitive spirit so that he's trying to match the recent holidays and theatre trips I've taken DD on and he's pulled his finger out and organised loads of stuff. Of course because it's him it's all 'VIP experience' but whatever works really. It makes me feel a lot freer in my self if he's taking an appropriate interest and not just bullying her. I am pretty much not talking to him, I just send emails confirming arrangements and that's all

Posted too soon!

@Isitreallyme177 just come back on here when you're feeling shite but I'm pleased you feel that you've got things to look forward to and you're taking some agency back into your life. It's our life to live, we are all sensible people with a lot of offer and to enjoy so just do it!!

Talking of which am off for belated birthday celebrations today, myself and two friends turned 50 during lockdown and we are treating ourselves to a v expensive spa day xx

@Shayelle2009 stay!! Xx

@Shayelle2009 thank you, I'm going to be brave and tell him face to face I think. She's a diddly little ginger and white thing with a short tigger tail. Her sister was long (you can't really say a cat is tall) and slender calico with a really long tail. They were like the Laurel and Hardy of the cat world. I love Persians ❤😍 in fact any cats really.

Thanks @BelladiMamma it actually feels good to have made a decision. I doubt it will be an easy conversation and who knows what the outcome will be but I would hope that we've known each other long enough now to be grown up.

@Shayelle2009 stay💛🧡

[quote BelladiMamma]@Shayelle2009 stay!! Xx[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 - This ☝️