“Sometimes cheating really does happen "I'm a vacuum" and there is no blame attributable to the victim. They might be human, everyone is. Sometimes it's just a reflection of the cheater's character, that is all.”
Victims of infidelity are never “sometimes” to blame. There is never any blame for infidelity attributable to the one who was cheated on. The victim is responsible for their 50% of the relationship, not how their partner chooses to react.
Nobody causes somebody to cheat. Cheating is a personal choice made through weakness of character and an ability to lie to yourself enough to override your conscience and integrity.
The couple share equal responsibility for the state of their relationship, that is all. The choice to cheat was the unfaithful person’s decision alone. Cheating is never an inevitable outcome caused by a particular person, or set of circumstances, or the actions of another, those are what they trot out as their excuses for their appalling behaviour. Nothing external causes cheating, no matter how bad the relationship. The cause is the purely the cheater’s decision to do it, instead of being honest, speaking up and airing their grievances, or leaving the relationship. There is never a “sometimes”.
“Remember the reconciliation industry is an industry, it makes people money. They are motivated to feed people BS. Doesn't mean they're right.”
So far I have not come across the ‘reconciliation industry’, because none of the sites I have visited push it. There is an infidelity recovery industry, which offers help for victims of infidelity with the personal / mental health issues they face after being cheated on, whether they want to stay in their relationships or not. The two websites I have quoted never actively recommend reconciling as the goal. What they offer is help for those who do want to try to reconcile (with many, many caveats) and help for those who want to leave or have already left. Their aim isn’t reconciliation, it is to help people heal from the trauma caused by infidelity. Reconciliation is never pushed or recommended and it is actively discouraged unless stringent criteria are met. In that case not reconciling at all is recommended.
Their goal is for people to be able to move on, whatever their personal choice, either together or apart. They give people information to help people to decide whether or not to leave, but warn that it is their choice. They offer personal mentoring and counselling for a fee, yes, but a lot of their resources are free and extremely helpful with issues like self-esteem and trust going forward, whether in your existing relationship or a new relationship in the future.
All the resources I used and joining their chat forums were free of charge.
There will no doubt be ‘rogue traders’ and some very religious-based sites where reconciliation will be pushed at all costs, I agree, but to say that they are “all motivated to feed people BS” is a very broad brush with which to tar what can actually be incredibly helpful to some people at a time of crisis, and adds another layer of shame to the victims who are seeking out help for the way they are left feeling, especially those who can’t afford counselling. I used it extensively and it didn’t cost me a penny.
No advice is ever necessarily “right”, things are right and would work for some which would be wrong for others, advice is simply that: advice. Everyone has to decide for themselves what resonates with them and whether they think it’s good advice or not.