Does he go out too much?

[cookiemum6]

We have two DC. One is 5, the other is 8 months. He works full time Monday-Friday which isn't the issue, but I don’t look forward to the weekends like I should. He leaves the house at 7am on Saturdays to play golf and comes home around 3ish. Then Sundays he leaves the house at 8am and comes home 4ish as he plays football then goes back to the pub. I’m just so fed up. I feel like I do it all on my own. I’m so tired all the time. I know it’s not DC’s fault, but I’ve just sat and cried in frustration as he is teething and has done nothing but scream for the past 20 minutes and my 5 year old has done nothing but moan saying he’s bored. I have spoke to DP and asked if he would mind stopping golf for a couple of weekends maybe so it would feel like I had a bit of a breather on a Saturday morning. But he’s refused and told me that he’d never stop me from doing a hobby. But that isn’t the issue for me. I just feel so down and tired and fed up

"Please don't make yourself miserable and damage your kids by making them grow up in a household where they think men do what they like and women do cooking, cleaning, childcare and whatever allows the man to do what he wants to do. A life of sacrifice for women to cater to men's needs is what they're being shown and what is being normalised to them. If you can't leave for you, leave for them."

This with bells chiming so loudly they're positively deafening!!! I've been following this thread for a while and posted a few times - unless I've missed it, you haven't said what his father was like but it wouldn't surprise me if he was similar. Whatever his family history, you have to be really careful about what you're modelling for your children.

In fact, he sounds worse with every update. He's not just neglectful and indifferent to his family - he seems positively nasty; it sounds like he actively dislikes you and he clearly doesn't care about his children. Fancy calling the mother of his children a "fat c*nt". He's abusive and such a bad role model for your children. Such a disappointment as a husband and father.

I hope you have a really good talk with your mother and start planning life without him. I think you should look into some counselling as well because he clearly had you very much ground down until you posted here in desperation.

As a PP said - don't tell him about this thread. You don't want him and his nasty, selfish dick mates checking out MN posts. It's better if they never realise that MN exists.

To be honest his attitude is so brutal I'm wondering if he has already checked out of your relationship and doesn't care what you think or want as long as he gets his needs met. Time for you to decide what you want op.

Fuck him. I’m so angry. It honestly feels so good to actually be able to tell people just what he is like. This thread has really helped me. Situations like tonight have happened in the past but I always blamed myself. But to read all these replies have made me realise that he is the problem, not me

I'm glad you've found your anger @cookiemum6. Now use it constructively, so you can carve out a decent future for yourself and your children.

Read up on Wikivorce
Gather all financial documentation, including his P60s and pension details.
Ask around for an experienced family solicitor with teeth.
Doesn't have to be a shark, but you definitely want someone who'll fight tooth and nails for your interests.

You'll be so glad to be rid of this controlling deadweight!!

I don’t think they’re married, and the OP says they rent.

He sees you as his slave. That’s all there is to it. You’re there to facilitate him working and his hobbies and to raise his children. He doesn’t care about anything else. Another selfish man in the world. I’d leave (in fact I did leave, my ex was exactly like this and I left when dd was 6 months old, she’s now 18). I mean you’re already a single parent how much worse can it be?!

I take back my previous post. His reaction to you making a perfectly reasonable request tells you all you need to know. He is an incredibly self centred, selfish man who does not deserve a lovely wife and family.

As other pps have pointed out, you are effectively a single parent now anyway, so what's to lose for you and your DC.

Strap in for a rough ride though, he has a cosy little number now, effectively living the life of a single man, and is not going to take kindly to it being disrupted. But you and your DC deserve so much more 💐

@DukkaDukka

I don’t think they’re married, and the OP says they rent.

OMG !!!!!! I think you're right

Why oh why do women get themselves into such utter dependence without even having the security of marriage...

The OP has said she isn't dependent on him for money. In the case not being married might mean a more straightforward exit if that's what OP decides she wants.

Please make sure that you follow through with your decision to leave. He really is an arsehole. The more that you shared, the more he sounds like a hideous human being. You really do deserve more OP and you will find someone who treats you and your children well. Be mindful of your boundaries and learn to value yourself. Your relationship sounds abusive (the name calling, the stonewalling, the control over your movements by being moody, his exploitation of your position as full time carer). Stay well

@cookiemum6 I'm so pleased you've seen the light and are taking steps to make your life better.

This man is selfish, lazy, entitled, doesn't show you any care or respect, would rather spend all his spare time with his friends than his own wife and children, stops you having any down time or hobbies, begrudges you seeing other people or seeking support elsewhere (when he won't give it himself), would rather play golf than give you a much-needed day off, thinks he can live his life exactly as he chooses but you should be at his beck and call and work yourself in to the ground.

His defence arguements are illogical and show he isn't very bright (or he thinks you are stupid, which clearly you aren't).

Please tell your mum all, and start taking steps to separating from this man. Your life will be immeasurably better without him. He doesn't contribute physically, he doesn't spend time with the children, you don't need him financially. Currently he is just a drain in every respect.

Your life would be calmer and happier without him.

Pressed post too soon....

You might not see it this way, but he needs you much more than you need him. You are self-sufficient. Can look after a home and children and yourself. He's used to someone doing everything for him - he's like a teenager whose mum does all his cooking and cleaning and he just goes to work and plays sport.

You would get more free time being separated from him, what a waste of space he is

Hope you're doing OK OP. And have stayed at your mums for a while. You deserve so so much better than this and I'm glad you are realising that now.