Do you go out without your partner?

[VelvetRope212]

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

I get the impression he thinks single people go out socially alone, but people in relationships do not; and are acting like they're single if they do.

Not really, my husband comes with if we go out somewhere at night but I'm disabled so not very independent.
He wouldn't come if I was meeting up with only female friends/family though. It's good to have time away from your partner long as it's not every weekend I think.

Yes, often.

Does he think you should just stop seeing the people you saw before he came on the scene, or does he think he should tag along?

I go to see my friends without my husband all the time. He only comes along if it's a group thing, or if we've got plans and decide to invite a friend along. Your partners being controling.

I go out without my partner and my partner goes out without me too. I would probably find it too suffocating if he came everywhere with me. He would get bored if he came out on a girlie night with my girlfriends as we talk such nonsense! Its great when we do things separately as we have lots to talk about when we see each other. I think it is healthy to do things alone, however, some couples live in each others pockets and wouldn't dream of going anywhere without the spouse, whether they like it or not.

Red flag. Would drive me nuts!

All the time. I couldn't be with someone who got the hump at me going out with my friends, and vice versa.

Yes, I have my own group of friends… and he goes out with work friends

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

Huge big red flag right there! He is possessive and controlling.

No one should EVER make themselves totally dependent on one other person. Not only does it restrict and impoverish your life, but what will you do if (when...) the relationship ends or he dies?

We need friends, interests, hobbies etc - stuff to sustain an entire life. A Hinterland, if you will.

I've never really thought about this but I suppose most of what I do is with my husband but I certainly wouldn't be in a mood if he went out with his friends ect which he does and I go out for breakfast coffees ect with friends. I would be really concerned if my husband got grumpy that he didn't do everything with me it would get a bit much and suffocating personally

So - he doesn’t have friends of his own? And you are supposed to drop yours?
Unless this he what you want to do - I’d be leaving

Huge red flag. Bin him now while it’s early days

Yes all the time.

He is being ridiculous and controlling, do not change your behaviour to suit him. Will he then get annoyed if you want a private conversation with a friend or family? I'm married a very long time and of course we go out with our own friends separately, we trust each other implicitly and it is good for us to have our own individual lives. I would find it suffocating to have to do everything together. What if your friends suggested a weekend away? Would he stand in your way? If you start doing as he says now you will never be able to partake in perfectly normal and fun activities. Will he accuse you of cheating or wanting to cheat if you fancy a dinner with friends? It's a slippery slope.

@Dora26

Red flag. Would drive me nuts!

Agree.

My three SILs go on holiday without my brothers and they have been married 25+ years. (Yes two of the couples were young adults when I was born.)

A few years into their relationships they decided instead of my brothers going on types of holidays they don't like, they save their leave for holidays they like with their wives (and children) or to look after their children.

I go on days out, evenings out and weekends away without my DP. He does the same.

Often.

Meals, meetings, drinks.

Shock, horror- I've even been away/on holiday without him!

This would be a huge red flag for me. It would feel controlling and stifling if my partner made me feel as though I shouldn't be going out without them.

Both DH and I go out without each other regularly and we did that before we had kids too.

It sounds to me like a trust issue and that is not a good sign - he seems to be starting from the assumption that if you go out on your own you must be doing something you shouldn't. Why would that be your starting point? A healthy relationship means being able to have time apart - you can't get everything you need from one person. It's fun to go out, do your own thing and then come back together to chat about your evening.

How bizarre. He sounds quite controlling. I could never be with someone like that.

I can't imagine only going out with dp. We've got different friends and interests and would be limited if we only went out with each other. Op I think this is a red flag.

Please get rid of him. Someone who's already comfortable being this coercive and controlling will only get worse.

He is a controlling twat, of course you can go out separately. Why on earth not?

Yes, I go out without my husband.
I go away for weekends with friends, go out for dinner and go to my friend's house without DH.
He does the same.
It would be bloody weird not to.

I feel claustrophobic just reading this!

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Yes we go out without each other more than we do together

Nights out, weekends with friends, the odd family visit (to our own respective families) etc

I find couples that are always together to be… odd

Yes often, for an evening, or a day or a weekend.