Do you go out without your partner?

[VelvetRope212]

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

Huge red flag. It's either a trust issue or a control issue both are a problem.

I go out with my friends more than I go with my partner, together 2 years, live separately and we both have busy lives with various commitments.

I don't worry when he goes out and he doesn't worry about me going out.

I would find it to controlling if he tried to dictate.

All the time. Tbh We probs go out separate more than we go out together due to childcare. It works though for us and the time we do go out together is extra special.

@DiamondBright

Huge red flag. It's either a trust issue or a control issue both are a problem.

This. It's frankly worrying you aren't more worried. A man trying to tell me not to go out with friends would be single before he finished the sentence.

I find it quite bizarre that you call someone a partner after only a few months. Did he push you into this?

Bf seems a bit weird for a mid 40s bloke.

All the time and when the DC were younger and he was working nights every weekend we were going out alone (well me.. he was working) more often than together

Lots of couples rarely go out without each other. The amount of money/free time is an influence (if you don't have much you tend to prioritise each other) and in some communities couples with couples socialisation is the norm, not because of any controlling tendencies but just because that's how it is.

This seems to be his family and to some extent wider community (rural community).

Massive RED FLAG.

Of course ! do! I need to see my mates and totally appreciate that my partner needs to see his.

Why would you not?

I would run a mile to be honest.

@VelvetRope212

Lots of couples rarely go out without each other. The amount of money/free time is an influence (if you don't have much you tend to prioritise each other) and in some communities couples with couples socialisation is the norm, not because of any controlling tendencies but just because that's how it is.

This seems to be his family and to some extent wider community (rural community).

DPs friends mainly socialise in couples but that doesn't stop me going out with my friends on my own.

Dh and I rarely go out together since having dc, excluding as a family we maybe go out just the two of us two or three times a year because of childcare. Dh isn't one for going out drinking etc but will go to the football with fil and on work events/nights out and I go out with friends to the cinema/pub/round to friend's house for drinks probably every 6 weeks or so. Friends have similar set ups in their relationships and this seems normal to me. I wouldn't be in a relationship where that wasn't the case as it's not healthy to spend all your social time with one person imo

As I said, my sisters are actually the same. They might meet friends for lunch or coffee or walk in the daytime, or meet them.in couples, but they do not seem to do night time things or overnights etc.

That's why I'm wondering if hrs not so abnormal.

Most ppl on here seem to though.

I'm seeing someone (new) and we both go out by ourselves separately and I have done in the past.

The vast majority of women and men I know in relationships definitely go out separately and welcome the change to do so.

In fact, years ago, I was in a relationship where we were expected to go out with other couples and it drove me mad after a while, expecting to socialise with them and I couldn't see my own friends as much. That DP was controlling and jealous.

Definite red flag.

A man trying to tell me not to go out with friends would be single before he finished the sentence.

He doesnt.

He keeps saying "I would not ...".

But since there's increasing friction; I'm thinking that means "and you should not too".

That is definitely not normal, my husband and I socialise on our own alot during the week, we get to see our friends and catch up and we don't need babysitters, the friends I am meeting also don't bring their other halves. We usually socialise together at the weekend as we can get a babysitter or go out with our DS as well. Its crazy to think you have to do everything together, you need to be able to meet friends on your own and have your own life!

Yes, we both go out separately. We have a few joint friends but even then we go out just the wives or just the husband's. I'd say it's 50/50 whether I go with DH or just with friends.

Red flag

We go out mostly together, but I've not got an issue if he goes out with his friend's and I'll go out with my friend's. But it's more often than not we do it together.

I’ve been married 25 years and go out once a week with my friend.

Years ago, a woman I worked with's husband used to turn up at work dos. It was really weird and changed the whole dynamic of the evening for everyone.
Not quite the same thing but worth mentioning. A guy I was seeing recently, wanted to join my girls' night out. Couldn't understand why I said no to that. We are no longer together. Not because of that particularly though it was a factor in my decision to end things.

You say you are into Bar, club, gig, concert, stand up etc. are you saying he isnt, and he would want you to give up these activities be because he doesn't want you to go on your own or with friends?

So he is willing to control you, restrict your life and deprive you of things that give you joy!

Why would he want to do this unless he is a selfish oaf?

What about when you want to meet up with your friends or catch up with one individual friend? Is he meant to tag along or something, that seems so weird to me.

I guess he thinks i should see them for lunch/coffee/walk etc.

Yes, I often go out without dh- concerts/ dinner/ drinks/ weekends away/spa days with friends or family. We also go out together and in groups. It would be suffocating and boring to never do things with people other than him. My dh on the other hand would rather do things with me, though he does go to the pub with mates.

(I mean he'd appear to have no problem with that and would not feel like he should be there).

DH and I didn't much, but that was through mutual choice, not one person restricting the other. That would make me uncomfortable.

Have you found yourself reducing contact with your friends?
What is your take on the situation?