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Original poster

Do you go out without your partner?

368 replies

VelvetRope212 · 08/11/2021 14:25

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 08/11/2021 14:56

@FlowerArranger

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

Huge big red flag right there! He is possessive and controlling.

No one should EVER make themselves totally dependent on one other person. Not only does it restrict and impoverish your life, but what will you do if (when...) the relationship ends or he dies?

We need friends, interests, hobbies etc - stuff to sustain an entire life. A Hinterland, if you will.

Exactly, I mean my exP and our relationship was abnormal in so many ways. But how I met him first, was how things continued on, long term, so I had my warning. Think certain culture where 'coffee' and meeting up with pals etc is the norm to most. But I'm talking every day. We spent weekends apart until the last few years of our relationship, this all despite living together.

But I am glad I did not give up everything and everyone for him, as I have someone close by to me who has lived for her partner, and he is very abusive. Lived his life too but controlled her.

flippertyop · 08/11/2021 14:56

How very odd. I have friends where we are friends with the couples and go out together. I have friends that are my friends where we go out without our partners. I have friends who are in couples that we go out with as couples ans then the guys sometimes go out together and the girls sometimes go out together. I have never only gone out with my partner and I don't know anyone that does this. Don't you miss getting together with just female friends? Partners totally change the dynamics

MissingColorado · 08/11/2021 14:56

I think you should run for the hills. Of course it’s normal to socialise without your partner and don’t let him convince you otherwise.

Mammyloveswine · 08/11/2021 14:57

Is this a joke?? I always go out without my husband!!

If nothing else one of us needs to watch the kids

EdmontinaDancesWithOphelia · 08/11/2021 14:57

You’ve known this man for a few months and he already has you questioning your right to basic human freedom?

Perfect …

workoholic · 08/11/2021 14:58

RUN.

FlaggRF · 08/11/2021 14:58

Massive 🚩

Resilience · 08/11/2021 14:59

Lots of couples rarely go out without each other. The amount of money/free time is an influence (if you don't have much you tend to prioritise each other) and in some communities couples with couples socialisation is the norm, not because of any controlling tendencies but just because that's how it is.

IOW finding it unusual is not necessarily a red flag. However, preventing you from doing so (which includes repeatedly making you feel uncomfortable as much as saying he doesn'twant you to) very much is.

Dh and I have very different schedules. I do most of my socialising without him. He rarely goes out without me as he's from a family where couples/families do everything together. Never, ever gives me a hard time over it and always wishes me a good time.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/11/2021 14:59

@VelvetRope212

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

Fuck you realise this is a massive red flag right? Please say you're dumping him!!
litterbird · 08/11/2021 15:00

@VelvetRope212

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

I have a feeling OP if you continue this relationship he will become more and more sulky and controlling as you continue to do normal healthy stuff like seeing friends without him. I would be questioning this a lot and perhaps realise you are not compatible. I would personally quietly exit the relationship and find someone who has a life outside of relationships as you do.
Chubbycatt · 08/11/2021 15:00

That's a massive red flag.

Of course I go out without my partner. I need time to miss him!

He goes out without me. I want him to have a healthy social life.

I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship if you only go out with eachother.

Lifewith · 08/11/2021 15:01

Controlling.
I would say it's abnormal to always go everywhere with your partner. You're still 2 individuals.
Don't listen to him, he wants to keep an eye on you.

hibye123 · 08/11/2021 15:01

What about when you want to meet up with your friends or catch up with one individual friend? Is he meant to tag along or something, that seems so weird to me.

I'm always out without DP, we rarely go out together tbh😂

supremelybaffled · 08/11/2021 15:02

@VelvetRope212

I get the impression he thinks single people go out socially alone, but people in relationships do not; and are acting like they're single if they do.
I suspect that what he means by 'acting like they're single' is that he assumes that you will be going out looking for other blokes.
ghejxodn · 08/11/2021 15:03

Not normal at all. I go on holiday without my DH and vice versa! Go out with my friends for dinner/drinks regularly, sometimes in a different city a few hours away. Tell him it's up to him if he doesn't want to go out on his own but you are your own person and will make your own decisions about when/who you go out with.

fuckoffImcounting · 08/11/2021 15:06

I go out all the time. He sounds like a controlling arse.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/11/2021 15:06

Yes. Often.

I’d be very wary of a man who thought I needed his constant supervision.

dorothygaleandtoto · 08/11/2021 15:07

@VelvetRope212
I am not trying to be a pedant, but what do you mean by 'going out'? Are you talking about wild nights in the bars and clubs, or going shopping & for lunch with friends, or doing the supermarket shop by yourself?

IntermittentParps · 08/11/2021 15:11

[quote dorothygaleandtoto]@VelvetRope212
I am not trying to be a pedant, but what do you mean by 'going out'? Are you talking about wild nights in the bars and clubs, or going shopping & for lunch with friends, or doing the supermarket shop by yourself? [/quote]
Not sure it matters if we're talking about clubbing or lunch with friends, TBH. DP goes clubbing without me. I don't take exception to it.

ferrypenguin · 08/11/2021 15:13

🚩 🚩🚩🚩

Of course you don't stop having your friends and hobbies when you meet someone.

Head for the hills

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/11/2021 15:15

Yes I go out with friends, relatives and colleagues. Lunch, dinner, drinks, weekends away (although not those with colleagues). I was out last night for some drinks with friends.

My husband does the same.

Amdone123 · 08/11/2021 15:16

What's the age difference? You say a bit older.
I'm not being ageist here, but my dsis is in her early 50s, fiance 20 years older and he doesn't like it.
My dsis and I go out together all the time. She tells him straight but I know he doesn't like it.
I go out without my dh all the time ; weekends away and as per a pp, I holiday on my own too. My dh does exactly the same. We've been married nearly 30 years and also love going out / holiday together.
But then we trust each other.

Original poster
VelvetRope212 · 08/11/2021 15:18

@MMmomDD

So - he doesn’t have friends of his own? And you are supposed to drop yours? Unless this he what you want to do - I’d be leaving
He doesnt seem to, just one relative who's also a friend. But the relative doesnt generally go out without his partner (!)

There is a context of very almost sole responsibility for children (now teenagers) though.

But he's done at least one hobby (not doing it at the moment) where he could have made friends, I'd have thought.

OP posts:
TokyoTen · 08/11/2021 15:21

I don’t often go out on my own but do perhaps 1 to 2 tomes a month. To me he seems very controlling and for me it would be a massive red flag.

Original poster
VelvetRope212 · 08/11/2021 15:22

[quote dorothygaleandtoto]@VelvetRope212
I am not trying to be a pedant, but what do you mean by 'going out'? Are you talking about wild nights in the bars and clubs, or going shopping & for lunch with friends, or doing the supermarket shop by yourself? [/quote]
Bar, club, gig, concert, stand up etc.

Not so wild though.

Shopping or lunch in the daytime, he appears no problem with.

He has not expressed a problem with me doing my food shopping, no.

We don't live together, live 30/40 min drive apart.

OP posts: