He was warm and caring
He was encouraging and made me feel special
He was charming and treated everyone he met so nicely and kindly
He told me I was beautiful
He'd do little jobs around the house, unprompted
He'd never let me do things without helping
He'd insist I make decisions for myself about how and what I wanted to do
He would buy me little gifts he knew I'd like - got no reason
He'd consult me on everything
He'd listen to me moan about stuff
He'd ask about my day and listen properly
He was encouraging me to see my family and friends and always funny with them
He tell me how intelligent I am
He'd ask my opinion on things and listen to my opinion
He made no judgment on my sleep walking - due to DA from my ex
He made me stand tall when I saw my ex and told me to never look down
He told me I should never lower my head to anyone as I was worth so much more
He told me I wasn't one in a million I was once in a lifetime
He asked me to marry him
He said he was proud to be with me
He said I made him happy
He told me he was contented and felt special
He said I was brave and capable
He said he learnt so much from me
He said I didn't deserve anyone to make feel so bad like my ex
He said I was the kindest person he had ever met
How soon into the relationship did this sort of behaviour start, right at the beginning, or after months & months of slowly getting to know each other ?
I could write a very similar list about my last & earlier EA relationships. It was all there within the first few months, that's the hook they get you with. They show you a perfect version of what they've gleaned you'd want in a man & even if they aren't really your type & you weren't initially sure, as was the case with my last one, they win you over, they do that even more so if they look like a catch to you too. Unfortunately non of it real though, once you spot it, or have it shown to you, that you start remember the subtle nervous symptoms that went with it, subtle give always that it was an act... a good example with my last one...
I would have added well dressed & stylish in a certain genre to my list & that was important to me... he was... I later found out that he found out I worked in fashion & went to a personal shopper & spent a ton of money to impress me... 6 months after conning me to move in, he was a scruffy dirty fecker, unless going out with me to clubs where I met him ... he'd embarrass the hell out of me at times turning up at my work in a big fashion design company, looking like a tramp... it became another control thing
I'd made it known after the BF before him that I wasn't interested in getting involved with any creative types again, especially not musicians... I met & was wooed by a down to earth builder... I ended up with a cocklodging guitarist & con man
He was great around the house too...until he got his feet under the table
He asked me to marry him... got as far as the elaborate staged proposal & ring ... when he got his feet under the table he frequently used this to undermine my confidence... I want to marry you, but I don't like XYZ all perfectly reasonable things for me to do & non negotiable it's putting me off etc etc... tried to make me believe I was getting fat... can't get married till I lost weight etc... it didn't work as I was a size 8 & tall enough to carry it, but I was left thinking WTAF
He did all of those things on your list & more ... until he got his feet under the table
However much it hurts now... & it does because he's done a number on you big time. You've sussed him out early in his game & you know you need to do this & you CAN. The brain chemicals involved literally mean you have chemical withdrawal symptoms now, but it will pass & you'll back & know 100% it was a lucky escape