Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

I mean, don't get me wrong she is absolutely entitled to her hurt and pain right now because the loss of a marriage is shattering regardless of circumstances so I really feel for her.

I'm just saying that the hurt and pain can be vented elsewhere, in private, without dragging other people into it and without the possibility of their children being privy to it.

When I was separated I was alternately raging and broken down but I did it with friends, family, journal, therapist and mumsnet not twitter randoms and tv interviews.

Facilitating a good relationship with a father who wants one and doesn't pose a danger to them is really important and should be the goal where possible. Having an extended pop (regardless of whether you are in the right or not) at your children's other parent on platforms where it is recorded and accessible for all time is the complete opposite of that and is in fact a liability for the parent who does it because it could easily be used against them in a court when it comes to custody battles.

I'm sorry that was a bit garbled, I'm tired

Also forgot to say @BruiserWoods I'm so sorry your husband left you 8 weeks into your marriage, that must have been devastating

If he has any sense he won’t speak to her as he won’t his conversation want it plastered all over social media. I can’t blame him for that.

I also can’t imagine what there is to say other than Alice asking questions and not believing the answers. Then asking her followers for their opinions on what was said.

I’ve noticed AE appears to change the narrative to suit sometimes, ie her earlier posts whilst they were a couple were quite clear that Ioan wasn’t happy, but now she was blind sided. She also deletes a fair amount.

@Onthedunes

Poor woman is having a breakdown.

He could have done things better, thought about his children in all of this.

Of course he knew his wife would go nuclear at the instagram pictures, humiliated his whole family.

I hope someone she finds some peace.

Absolutely agree.

If I was Ioan I probably wouldn't speak to Alice either, as no doubt whatever was talked about would be on Twitter before they'd even put the phone down!

Unfortunately it looks like communicating through lawyers is the best route forward for this couple, with NDAs issued to everyone involved at the outset.

We can all agree that AE’s public pronouncements are damaging for any ongoing coparenting arrangement. How it impacts on her legally is a different matter. I certainly don’t know how things work in California. They have a different culture and legal system.

For me the most damaging outburst was when she damned the collaborative and said she didn’t have to abide by it. I imagine this will give justification to legal arguments that she has shown bad faith when it comes to co parenting. Meaning she will always be bounced into legal proceedings where any of her undertakings will be questioned.

A lot of her posts are outright examples of parental alienation. Again I don’t know when this would trigger a Californian judge to intervene. I would expect in the UK that she would be at warning stage.

Their prenup will have significance but can be challenged. The biggest issue is whether she will be expected to find work. They are not very rich by Californian standards and I don’t think he will be able to fund her current lifestyle. They are definitely middle class and given the work ethic culture in the US I doubt she will get off with a settlement that means she never works again. But who knows.

There is a lot about AE we don’t know and don’t see. Her current behaviour has done her a lot of harm as a mother. But we know people have been able to capitalise on this type of publicity. Maybe she is a very smart cookie who knows exactly where she is going for the next stage of her life. She will certainly have earned money in the last month or so and will get some more for her TV appearances. A big social media following is a nice earner too.

Poor woman is having a breakdown. He could have done things better, thought about his children in all of this. Of course he knew his wife would go nuclear at the instagram pictures, humiliated his whole family. I hope someone she finds some peace

She acknowledged she’s not bothered about the effect of her actions on her kids because ‘they won’t be thinking about this in 15 years’ (someone show her the stately home thread!), she liked a tweet suggesting she seriously injure him, she’s picked a fight with his mum online & is now saying Ioan has no relationship with his daughters, while also saying they’re devastated he left and leaking their heartbreak for the world to see.

I’m sorry but 1 fairly tame photo with a new girlfriend doesn’t warrant that. You’re basically victim blaming now, ‘he MADE her do it’. This is disgraceful.

He could always seek out non-acting jobs in LA if the children's welfare were of great concern. Instead of living halfway around the world.

I just wonder how many actual non acting options he has. I mean, he's only ever been an actor. I doubt he has the skills to walk straight into am equivalently paid role as a lawyer or something. I would imagine leaving acting would involve a very significant pay cut, and a massive change in lifestyle for the kids - moving house, changing schools etc. It may well be IG thinks he's doing the best he can in trying to provide for his children. In reality I expect he's dammed if he does and damned if he doesn't - can you imagine AE's MN post if he told her he'd not be able to pay maintenance any more as he'd quit his job and could only offer childcare instead?

I'd expect she may get a call from I'm a Celebrity after all this @LemonTT. They'd probably throw a couple of hundred thousand at her if she promised to spill more details in the jungle.

That wouldn't of course be enough keep her and the DC forever, but it would be a good start on top of whatever she was able to secure from Ioan.

The way the media gobbles things like this up reminds me of something from Black Mirror. It's voyeuristic behaviour and the advent of the internet just makes that horrible bit of humanity easier to access

I'd expect she may get a call from I'm a Celebrity after all this @LemonTT. They'd probably throw a couple of hundred thousand at her if she promised to spill more details in the jungle.

Yep this is def the kind of weird stuff that could happen.

The issue of whether he is responsible for her reaction to the photo is interesting.

One big reason why a lot of people leave their spouse is because they describe life as walking on egg shells. This is what they want to be free of not separate from. And of course what they are describing is that their ex was prone to behavioural responses that are in effect controlling.

She’s entitled to her pain. But she has no right to condemn him for going on a date. That’s the cord that was cut when the marriage ended. He is not obligated to consider her feelings or behaviour now he has left her. That’s why people leave. As painful as it is for the other party they simply don’t have that control or influence anymore.

We cannot tell men or women that when they leave someone they should continue the eggshell walking in case their ex gets upset or over reacts.

If it was her intention to make him guilty about the new relationship, it won’t work. Nor is he likely to have much regard for any of her sentiments. This is something she will realise and it will hurt her more.

@Glassofshloer

Poor woman is having a breakdown. He could have done things better, thought about his children in all of this. Of course he knew his wife would go nuclear at the instagram pictures, humiliated his whole family. I hope someone she finds some peace

She acknowledged she’s not bothered about the effect of her actions on her kids because ‘they won’t be thinking about this in 15 years’ (someone show her the stately home thread!), she liked a tweet suggesting she seriously injure him, she’s picked a fight with his mum online & is now saying Ioan has no relationship with his daughters, while also saying they’re devastated he left and leaking their heartbreak for the world to see.

I’m sorry but 1 fairly tame photo with a new girlfriend doesn’t warrant that. You’re basically victim blaming now, ‘he MADE her do it’. This is disgraceful.

No one is victim blaming. The woman is in great pain, she's lashing out here there and everywhere. She isn't thinking straight. loan would know this and his comment on instagram was just poking the bear and he probably knew she would react like this. She ABSOLUTELY should stop the SM rants but also loan could have acted with more sensitivity.

Summer, it needs to be acknowledged that when you leave someone you do so to stop living according to their rules or in fear of their behaviour.

He doesn’t need to own or feel guilty for her response. Nobody in that situation should be expected to.

Whilst I agree the photo and comment he posted would be hard to ignore, there was just the one and it’s not even like he is being papped with the new lady and flaunting it left right and centre. He posted it, Alice reacted which is fair enough but she needs to stop, she said her piece of which she was entitled to do but I just don’t think her behaviour is doing her any favours. I’m not sure what her end game is here as I fear she is doing herself more harm than she is to him.

@LemonTT

Summer, it needs to be acknowledged that when you leave someone you do so to stop living according to their rules or in fear of their behaviour.

He doesn’t need to own or feel guilty for her response. Nobody in that situation should be expected to.

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on that

Ioan posted the photo 11 months after their relationship ended. Is he never allowed to post pictures of his new life? Wasn't 11 days afterward, 11 months. I think that's considerate enough to be honest.

Her social media rants are harrasment, bullying and slander. She's clearly having a breakdown but someone needs to step in, her behaviour is abusive. If a man behaved that way people would be calling for his dick on a stick.

I don't deny at all that she is hurt, heartbroken, betrayed, but this isn't how to handle this. She needs support, and quite frankly a stern talking to about her online behaviour. If I were Ioan I'd be looking at a restraining order personally.

He posted one picture with a simple comment, and has kept a dignified silence since then. She's probably posted well in excess of a hundred comments on both twitter and Instagram, sometimes replying to people for hours, and a lot of those comments have been nasty and inflammatory. Anyone would expect a few comments but now it just seems obsessive. She really needs to step away from social media and take a deep breath.

He doesn’t need to own or feel guilty for her response. Nobody in that situation should be expected to.

No he shouldn't feel guilty about her response.

But it does show that they BOTH don't seem to be worrying about their kids seeing this played out on SM. Not just Alice.

He posted one picture with a simple comment, and has kept a dignified silence since then.

In fairness, his one picture was a bit more than just 'one picture'.

The 'one' was when his wife would find out for the first time, via SM, that her husband of 20 years, was in a new relationship. It was on an account he rarely uses and coordinated to drop at exactly the same time as his new, younger squeeze posted exactly the same thing. Very calculated and sophisticated.

Well if she made it so impossible to have a reasonable discussion it’s no surprise he didn’t feel able to tell her.

@Whataday198

He could always seek out non-acting jobs in LA if the children's welfare were of great concern. Instead of living halfway around the world.

I just wonder how many actual non acting options he has. I mean, he's only ever been an actor. I doubt he has the skills to walk straight into am equivalently paid role as a lawyer or something. I would imagine leaving acting would involve a very significant pay cut, and a massive change in lifestyle for the kids - moving house, changing schools etc. It may well be IG thinks he's doing the best he can in trying to provide for his children. In reality I expect he's dammed if he does and damned if he doesn't - can you imagine AE's MN post if he told her he'd not be able to pay maintenance any more as he'd quit his job and could only offer childcare instead?

I would imagine if he put out the word he could get some sort of LA-based PR or communications job. Even a game-show hosting gig or work in a tv show that films there, rather than overseas roles.

Tbh I bet he was hustled into it by his PR people, before the paps broke it.

We don't know if he wanted to do it like that really but they need to keep his demographic happy.

But at the end of the day he didn't put the kids first either as he would have been the first to know she would go nuclear. And the kids live with her.

I would imagine if he put out the word he could get some sort of LA-based PR or communications job. Even a game-show hosting gig or work in a tv show that films there, rather than overseas roles.
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For the same money he earns now?

Well if she made it so impossible to have a reasonable discussion it’s no surprise he didn’t feel able to tell her.

I have no idea what goes on behind their closed doors.