Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

I get the impression, that with the announcement of the 'new' relationship, pieces are suddenly falling into place for her.

All the unanswered questions she had at the time, not understanding why things had gone downhill, the doubts are finally being answered and she can probably now fill in all the pieces of the puzzle..

If you have ever been cheated on, the months or years prior to finding out ....... the gaslighting, being told you are imagining things, you are nuts etc, is enough to drive you demented. Then you realise, well that was what was going on all that time, I was just the collateral damage.

I suppose it depends on how you feel about things.

I would consider posting to twitter the minute someone says they want split and announcing it to the world before we had sorted the kids etc as very very painful. More painful than finding our an ex of 11 months was seeing someone. I would see it as a gross invasion of my privacy.

But I do understand, why people would see the other way round.

I feel sorry for them both. She’s clearly struggling but from what she’s posting she’s no evidence he had an affair, she’s simply assumed that must be the reason he left her, because a year later he has started a new relationship. And it has been pretty much a year, so he’s entitled to have a new partner. Technically she’s right, he’s still her husband, but only in legal terms.

But all we hear is her side, he’s staying quiet. I get the impression though her twitter rants are less about supporting her as she’s claiming, and more about attacking him. And of course people who knew them say the marriage was brutal and she was abusive and controlling to him.

So I don’t know, I think there is much to this story that’s not told. I don’t think it’s a simple as she was the adoring wife and he did the dirty on her as she’s trying to portray.

So I’m on neither team, as I don’t think it’s as clear cut as believing what she says is the absolute truth of it.

I don’t know really. I’ve had exactly this situation happen to me - well except the fact we aren’t famous, and that instead of going for someone 20 years younger he went back to an ex he’d been with a long time before me that he’d “reconnected” with on Facebook. Made me feel I was going mad for ages, kept saying how depressed he was and either disappearing for days to his mums (where he was actually going but he was seeing her in the evenings whilst there) or just going to bed every night at 8pm. Then when I did find out he upped and left over a 2 week period and nether me nor dd then aged 5 ever saw him again.

I was heartbroken and initially I wanted to do what Alice did. I wanted to message the other woman and to tell everyone what a shit bag he was. He was a manager at a large high street retail store and I really wanted to go mad. The closest I came to it was ringing him at work to leave a message with his colleagues for him to say stop taking money out of the joint account as we agreed from now he wouldn’t do that and he had his own money and I had none.

But heard on now reading Alice’s stuff I’m not sure if I would feel better or worse having done what she’s done. It wouldn’t change anything and I am not even sure if knowing someone has fallen in love with someone else makes any difference- as she seems to be implying if she knew someone else was on the cards she’d feel better. I don’t think I would have done - I think when you know it’s dead it’s dead. Nothing can change or save the relationship when it gets to that point, it’s almost like the other woman is a red herring.

I’m happily remarried now. It doesn’t hurt anymore. In fact I often look back and think we were never really suited at all but I couldn’t see that at the time.

I really feel sorry for their children in this. To see your Mum so hurt and upset is awful. I think that’s the worst part. And their dad seems to have ghosted them and that’s so sad.

*years, not heard

I also think he doesn’t owe her anything. They aren’t together anymore. He doesn’t need to give her a heads up about what he posts on social media anymore than she does. They are separated, he’s not having an affair now and she’s just assumed that he was. Unless I’ve missed something she doesn’t know for sure he was having an affair before. I think for her own mental health she needs to stay away from social media.

#TeamKids and #TeamIoan

Reading what friends say he's been trying to extricate himself from her controlling ways for a few years.

She should be putting her children first.

He's maintained a dignified silence up until now, a shame she can't do the same.

Looks like she's out to destroy his new relationship. Poisonous.

I feel quite sorry for him. It’s clear that even before things went wrong he was a private man who didn’t like her heavy social media use and him being splashed all over it. I don’t think he has handled it amazingly and she is obviously in a lot of pain but I think she would be doing this however he left her. Her story isn’t coherent and I wonder about how she was treating him. She seems very controlling too. Maybe the whole thing was just toxic af. Those poor poor girls.

Speaking as someone who knows exactly where Alice is coming from I can really empathise with her pain. The ghosting her part sounds really narcissistic and is designed to drive the other person to distraction. The idea behind it is 'look at this crazy mess of a women. It's so not me it's her'. Ioan is doing a cracking job by doing this. If he had any love for those beautiful kids he wouldn't need to destroy their lovely Mum. I hope Alice regains her equilibrium quickly. This is not doing her any good as a person. The real trick is that there is a much better life waiting for Alice post narcissistic cheating wanker.

She seems VERY hard work and quite annoying based on her Instagram posts.
She left her previous fiancé to go out with IG and (again based on her Instagram) seemed way more into him than he her. She seemed to show him off quite a lot. It didn’t seem a healthy relationship.

@AnkleDeep

#TeamKids and #TeamIoan

Reading what friends say he's been trying to extricate himself from her controlling ways for a few years.

She should be putting her children first.

He's maintained a dignified silence up until now, a shame she can't do the same.

Looks like she's out to destroy his new relationship. Poisonous.

But none of us can know what really went on. I read that article she’s done and didn’t feel she came across well but if she is to be believed it did sound like she’d been left holding the fort through covid and was angry about it. If she expressed that and yelled then it’s not that hard to turn that into her controlling his career etc from him. He might have been silent about the split but frankly sticking a relationship announcement up on twitter in tandem with his girlfriend is not exactly being silent anymore - they could have just got on with dating surely without a random grand announcement- if he was really concerned with keeping things private and the kids etc.

Not that i’m on anyone’s ‘side’ per se just don’t think the way he went about it was particularly sensitive to his kids and neither is her also addressing it on social media.

@honeygriff

Speaking as someone who knows exactly where Alice is coming from I can really empathise with her pain. The ghosting her part sounds really narcissistic and is designed to drive the other person to distraction. The idea behind it is 'look at this crazy mess of a women. It's so not me it's her'. Ioan is doing a cracking job by doing this. If he had any love for those beautiful kids he wouldn't need to destroy their lovely Mum. I hope Alice regains her equilibrium quickly. This is not doing her any good as a person. The real trick is that there is a much better life waiting for Alice post narcissistic cheating wanker.

I don’t really understand this, yes he stayed away for months filming, and it’s anyones guess why he did so, other than Covid and isolation on either side making It difficult, but I’ve never seen any suggestion that he ghosted her.

The marriage has been over for nearly a year. There is no suggestion he is no contact with his children. Other than for child reasons there is no reason for him to be in touch with her now.

The thing is, what can he do to make anything any better for her? He’s told her he doesn’t love her and doesn’t want to be with her anymore. He’s entitled to do that, as is anyone who wants to leave any relationship for whatever reason. He shouldn’t have to spend his life hiding away, trying to appease Alice. He needs to be a good dad, and I think if anything this is the part where perhaps he hasn’t done as well as he should. But as much as we think it’s weird to not see your dc for months at a time, in Hollywood that isn’t that unusual at all. It’s a different world.

No one should feel forced to stay in a marriage just because they’ve been together for xxx years.

he might have been silent about the split but frankly sticking a relationship announcement up on twitter in tandem with his girlfriend is not exactly being silent anymore

Well no, but it’s been a year, how long is he not allowed to say he’s in a new relationship?

I also think that if he didn’t like personal stuff being posted on there why do a dual announcement with his new girlfriend - especially as it appears that was the first post he’d even done on twitter for many months so was bound to be noticed.

Dunno really I mean it’s just an odd way to break your silence about your divorce, the double post thing from both of them was a little cringey, and maybe it’s wrong Alice seems to have no filter on social media but not like either of them didn’t know that - they must have known it would lead to a massive explosion. So why do it especially without letting her know in advance?

OTOH of course if they have split up he is entitled to date who he wants and so is his new girlfriend and if they want to announce their stuff to the world it’s their choice. Just find the whole thing a bit off and no one really comes out of it looking good.

The last thread on this subject was deleted without any if the choose team x or team y crap, so I can't imagine this one will stay up for much longer.

The thing is if he didn’t say publicly he was dating he would be accused of going behind her back and trying to hide it. At some point pics of them would have been released.

It’s not like your average joe getting a new partner a year later. He’s famous.

Plus I am really not sure he should hide it. That that’s a a fair expectation. It’s not like thr marriage ended last week. A year for me is a respectable time to move on.

It’s also interesting to think about the tension between ‘maintaining dignity’ and keeping your mouth shut when you feel you’ve been treated badly.

Both have advantages and disadvantages. Speaking generally here - if you keep your mouth shut you get to be ‘dignified’ but never get your say and often whoever hurt you gets away with their reputation intact. If you speak up you can voice whatever happened to you but you can get accused of being undignified etc. It’s a difficult choice.

Sorry, NOT keeping your mouth shut!

I'm team 'poor bloody kids'.

Nothing is improved by her acting this way in public.

@Salayes

It’s also interesting to think about the tension between ‘maintaining dignity’ and keeping your mouth shut when you feel you’ve been treated badly.

Both have advantages and disadvantages. Speaking generally here - if you keep your mouth shut you get to be ‘dignified’ but never get your say and often whoever hurt you gets away with their reputation intact. If you speak up you can voice whatever happened to you but you can get accused of being undignified etc. It’s a difficult choice.

I agree with you in the aftermath, and I agree with you if she was doing it calmly, and I think it applies to him and her.

But again folks need to remember this is a year later. Because he’s in a relationship with a woman he knew before she’s now publicly accusing him of having an affair since the moment he met his new partner. In fact the other day she accused him of actually having an affair with her a year before they even met and when she realised that wasn’t possible she reduced it by a year.

Friends are saying she reduced him to tears due to her behaviour to him. That effectively he was abused. None of us know the truth of this, but I very much doubt it’s exactly what Alice is portraying.

I feel for their children and wish Alice would stop with the pantomime behaviour. He left nearly a year ago.

My uncomfortable bit was when she said he promised the children he would never have a girlfriend . Did he ? Really ? Never ?

I can’t see that sorry . And it felt like she was using the children to get at him . IMO

They have been apart for a while and if he has been telling lies then ok of course she should feel aggrieved. But if not how are her children going to feel about her ?

Team kids. Hurt does awful things to behaviour but please stop Alice.

What stood out for me in her pathetic daily mail piece, is her recollection of the moment she went straight to twitter when he told her he was done. He then deleted it, obviously desperately trying to maintain some privacy and dignity for the daughters and each other, and she just went ahead and posted it again the second she could. His response to to cry down the phone to his parents - this is all her telling of it. The poor man sounds utterly fed up with trying to make things work, trying to do things the right way and her behaving like an erratic toddler.

She is now continuing to try and destroy him publicly (big abuser red flags there, turning herself into the victim) because he’s dared to move on, some time after telling her he was out.

I recognise that she’s hurting, but hurt doesn’t excuse treating somebody this way and it certainly doesn’t make it acceptable to do so in public where your mutual children will eventually see it. Their eldest is 12, does Alice really think her daughter’s friends/their parents haven’t seen and judged and made comments on her behaviour? Poor kids.