Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

There will be loads we don't know, and I expect wrong-doing on both sides.

I judge him for posting about his new relationship on social media before telling his wife and children. I judge him for not seeing his children or taking any part in their care. If it is true that this has been going on for a while, I judge him for gaslighting his wife and thus adding to her torment and stopping her from moving on with all the facts.

I'm sad for the children that their father appears to have disppeared from their lives (in any meaningful way), that he has moved on to someone else and didn't see fit to tell them before he told the general public.

If he is a half-decent person he will try to rebuild his relationship with his daughters, and will ensure that his wife and children aren't financially punished for his decisions (recognising that Alice gave up her career to look after their children and thus allow him to continue with his). I hope he will help to mend things by being honest with his wife now.

And I hope that Alice will have the support she needs to move on to a better future. I don't begrudge her reaching out for support through SM, if that helps her. I just fear it gives ammunition to the 'crazy women' brigade and her husband's divorce lawyers, and her children will one day read it all.

She comes across as deluded, attention seeking and dishonest.

Gave up her career? Which roles did she turn down? For him? No because she chose that route.

Dignity. Self respect. Responsibility for one's actions. An ability to put one's children first. I don't see any of this.

I doubt she's had an entire personality change and I wouldn't want to be married to someone with this sense of drama, bitterness and above all, someone who uses children in the way she does.

I just read the DM article, feel so awful for her! Good on her for exposing how he has treated her, I hope it is cathartic for her and she can move on now. She deserves it !

artquejtion

What would your reaction be if it turned out she had been emotionally abusing him for a long period, as all those close to the couple are claiming? What if he exposed her abuse of him? How would you view her twitter posts then, cathartic or a continuing manipulation?

I think the most damning comment she made was that he didn’t see his kids for 7 months while filming and didn’t want to come back during the pandemic. Would have been several more months of not seeing them. He sounds like a deadbeat dad.
I do think she should be careful what she says on social media though for the sake of her kids. There has to be some level of protection for them and not to be brought into this.
She’s aired her views properly doing the newspaper article and perhaps it’s best to focus on private therapy now

@Loveintherain

I think the most damning comment she made was that he didn’t see his kids for 7 months while filming and didn’t want to come back during the pandemic. Would have been several more months of not seeing them. He sounds like a deadbeat dad. I do think she should be careful what she says on social media though for the sake of her kids. There has to be some level of protection for them and not to be brought into this. She’s aired her views properly doing the newspaper article and perhaps it’s best to focus on private therapy now

I understand that though, as during the pandemic he would have had to isolate both sides of the trip . So a week at home would have required four weeks isolation and he had a contract and a filming schedule. I doubt that it was as simple as he didn’t wish to come back to see his kids as she’s saying, and she certainly shouldn’t be saying he left his kids when he left her.

@artquejtion

I just read the DM article, feel so awful for her! Good on her for exposing how he has treated her, I hope it is cathartic for her and she can move on now. She deserves it !

I think this shows part of the issue, some people will read it and say well there you go that’s the whole truth. Not thinking it might be not the whole truth,

Alice has changed her story many times. First off she was saying the marriage broke down three years before. Then she said he was having an affair for three years, and that’s a year after they split she’s suddenly come up with it, with no evidence, simply as he has a new partner, and then she changed it to having an affair for two years when she realised the new partner had not been there on the first series, and then she changed it again to last year he came home and they were shagging like rabbits. It’s all over the place.

@Bluntness100

She wrote ( of course we don’t know what’s definitely true ir not) this. I know if I had been separated this long from dc and faced longer I wouldn’t have been blasé like this!

I kept bringing up him returning from Australia before planes stopped flying, but the panic I expected to see in him was not apparent. This is a man who panics about everything — but he kept saying: 'At the end of the day what's it going to be? Two months? Three months? And it is paradise down here!

[quote Loveintherain]@Bluntness100

She wrote ( of course we don’t know what’s definitely true ir not) this. I know if I had been separated this long from dc and faced longer I wouldn’t have been blasé like this!

I kept bringing up him returning from Australia before planes stopped flying, but the panic I expected to see in him was not apparent. This is a man who panics about everything — but he kept saying: 'At the end of the day what's it going to be? Two months? Three months? And it is paradise down here![/quote]
According to her.

I am team Ioan. I don't like the sound of her. She seems very overbearing and determined to get her own way and throws a hissy fit if she doesn't. Still I think it was mean of him to put up photos of his girlfriend on instagram and say how happy he is.

*So I don’t know, I think there is much to this story that’s not told. I don’t think it’s a simple as she was the adoring wife and he did the dirty on her as she’s trying to portray.
I completely agree with you Bluntness100

It’s possible he was awful to her, constantly absent, shagging someone else for years etc and all she says is true. But there’s nothing but her word for any of that. Doesn’t mean it’s not true but I’m hesitant to just blindly take it as gospel, especially as she regularly contradicts herself - one minute him wanting to leave is out the blue, the next he’s been complaining about being unhappy for 2 years etc

What has been documented - by Alice herself - is her behaviour towards him. Before the split she regularly posted pictures of him on instagram despite openly admitting he had repeatedly asked her not to, including pictures taken while he was asleep that she posted without telling him. She would then talk about how grumpy he was, as though it’s unreasonable to be grumpy when someone completely ignores your wishes. So just as maybe he’s been a lying cheating twat, maybe he’s just a man who was unhappy for a long time, finally got up the guts to leave, met someone else and is moving on as best he can. Maybe it’s spiteful to post about his new girlfriend without telling Alice first but maybe he finally snapped after a year of being constantly abused by her via social media.

And I think it’s telling that his friends have made comments about her being abusive because actually his behaviour during/since the split have been in line with what women tell other women to do when leaving emotionally/psychologically abusive relationships: leave quickly, don’t explain more than you need to, communicate through others (i.e lawyers), don’t respond to any aggressive correspondence etc That email reminding her not to use video calls with the kids to raise issues sounds very like things I’ve seen advised to women with abusive exs on here……..

I think saying he didn't bother with his kids for 7 months is manipulation. I agree with Bluntness, it's not as simple as she is painting it, which is why I think she is being manipulative. He probably had a contract in place, significant amounts of time would have been spent in isolation back and forth, he needed to keep working and earning (the kids need financial support), flights were not easily available. I think there are some mitigation factors there to be fair!

I don't think she is coming off well and is cynically trying to tap into female empathy to vilify him in the press. I'm sure he's probably made tons of mistakes and not handled it well but he doesn't deserve this public bashing.

It smacks of narcissism and an abusive personalty unable to relinquish control.

I think it's horrendous that she is saying he promised his kids he wouldn't have another relationship. That's awful and extremely unfair, both to use the kids in thay way to manipulate others and unfair because she doesn't get to decide that for him! just reverse those gender roles for a second and consider if a man said that about his ex wife??

Team kids - I think Alice and Ioan have both behaved appallingly. He's cheated on and then dumped his wife and she is airing all their dirty laundry in public, which is making her look deranged. Contrast that with how dignified Martha Hancock was over her DH's cheating and buggering off with another woman in the most public way possible. I know who I'd rather have for a parent.

@zafferana

Team kids - I think Alice and Ioan have both behaved appallingly. He's cheated on and then dumped his wife and she is airing all their dirty laundry in public, which is making her look deranged. Contrast that with how dignified Martha Hancock was over her DH's cheating and buggering off with another woman in the most public way possible. I know who I'd rather have for a parent.

But you don’t know he cheated on her. And to be honest neither does she. She’s now accusing him of it, a year after they split for the sole reason he is in a new relationship. This doesn’t mean it’s true. She has no evidence he was cheating at all. If she had she’d have shown it.

All that’s happened is a year after they split up, he’s posted he is in a new relationship and she’s now decided that must mean he was cheating on her and having an affair and that’s why he decided to end it.

True @Bluntness100! He has swapped her for a much younger woman though, which must be pretty humiliating, particularly when he posted that photo of him and his new 29-year-old love and a soppy message. Ouch!

She really needed a good friend though to confiscate all her devices this week and stop her posting. She has totally humiliated herself and come across as mean, vindictive and completely unconcerned with how this will impact her kids.

@zafferana, I’m not sure I agree he “swapped her” relationships end. Theirs did, a year ago. He’s now in a new relationship. Which is his right. There is no rule that says you’re only allowed a new partner like your last one. He can start a relationship with any adult he chooses and who chooses him

When you’ve had a relationship end and then at some point started a new one, do you consider yourself having swapped even though it’s a year since you were involved with your ex? I wouldn’t.

• @zafferana, I’m not sure I agree he “swapped her” relationships end. Theirs did, a year ago. He’s now in a new relationship. Which is his right. There is no rule that says you’re only allowed a new partner like your last one. He can start a relationship with any adult he chooses and who chooses him

When you’ve had a relationship end and then at some point started a new one, do you consider yourself having swapped even though it’s a year since you were involved with your ex? I wouldn’t*

Plus it’s a bit rich for her to be outraged at him posting about it on instagram when she’s spent 12 months slagging him off on SM, and encourages others to join in!

I feel terribly for poor Alice and her children. However you dress it up she and her DC have been abandoned by Ioan .She is obviously hurting terribly .Somehow she seems to be left with supporting her DC, while he has a new model. Alice is still stunning and could do the same but is probably worried about bringing a new man into her girls life .Seems a familiar story

He's cheated on and then dumped his wife

According to her he did, and even she has no proof. I think its unfair to condem him purely on the account of an angry bitter ex

Shes not coming out of this looking good at all.

She needs to shut up and go to a solicitor’s and get it sorted, she’s trying for sympathy but making herself look deranged .

The thing is what is being played out in the media in this case is what happens in private many many times over - a woman left bereft and in total distress which has been likened to PTSD . Yes , she has opened herself to accusations of "crazy " and "no wonder he left her " but many of us have been there . It is often not the fact that it has happened but HOW it happened . There are many of us who wanted to just die , who lost weight, who gained weight on the Divorce Diet and here it is in the media . It is uncomfortable and distressing but it is real . I do wonder where her friends and family are to help her . I think it probably reminds those who have been there of those awful times. Why should women always keep a stiff upper lip ? Those of us who have been through this know the mental toll it takes and how it causes you to question every past aspect and event of your life .

Also she said the kids aren’t aware because they don’t know about their parents public personas and probably never will……she’s deluding herself. One of the kids is secondary school age, I’m sure her friends know who her parents are……the child herself is old enough to go on the internet. Even if she’s not stalking her mum on Twitter and reading it kids at school will fill her in.

I think it's interesting that Alice posting on social media is viewed as being detrimental to their DCs but Ioan putting up photos with his new gf, sending those photos to their DC and saying he took them etc (as alleged) isn't being criticised in the same way.
I think it damages women when men aren't called out on their bad behaviour.
Putting up. Shutting up and slinking away is about negating female pain and absolving men of responsibility. It's no coincidence that calls to politeness and decorum are always pointed at women's behaviour and not so much at men's.

I feel for both of them (more so for kids in the middle with no voice) as the end of a relationship is difficult but increasingly understanding his perspective on this.
Her account of their arguments and the end sound really quite manipulative. The accounts of her posting about their private life when he asked her not to, her posting about him when clearly he wanted to keep his private life private. The argument they had where she posted on SM and he deleted and she’s reposted - leading him to break down- that’s the only time she acknowledges she went too far.
I’m not sure there is a nice way to end a marriage but telling someone you are no longer in love with them and moving out seems pretty standard.
She left him no option but to ghost her, as anything he said could and would be used against him in the court of social media. She still talk about him leaving the kids and about their relationship. She hasn’t yet accepted that he has left her and they no longer have that relationship (that sounds harsh but it does appear to be the truth). After a year of officially separating he has posted about a new relationship. By most standards this is a respectable amount of time to have passed and there is no evidence of cheating other than the woman worked on his show as an extra.
I suspect continued silence from him and potentially a restraining order if things continue. I understand she is devastated and in real pain and is entitled to all of those emotions but her actions are hurtful to her kids and seem really spiteful. Not really sure how else he could have played it to make a clean break and make it clear they are over?