Leaving his wife

[foolbutwilling]

Yes I'm a terrible person and have no self esteem/should rot in hell for being the OW. Now that's out of the way the man I'm seeing fell into a relationship with me because his marriage was 'all but over' however as the weeks went on he would then be going on a weekend away with his wife 'just to see friends' or talking about his Christmas plans. At the weekend I said look you want me and you told me it was over so leave or we are done. He comes back saying he's blown everything up told his wife he doesn't love her and can't stand being with her- she was apparently seeing a solicitor the next day and he finding someone to stay. Fast forward a few days and he says things are 'strained' but he's still there. I trick him by saying oh how awkward bet you're looking forward to Christmas expecting him to say he won't be there then. His reply 'oh it will be a quiet one etc'
I know I'm a fool and a terrible person but I feel so utterly humiliated

Ahhh I thought just as much as it didn't fit your narrative. You cannot argue with stupid. I can see your view is one sided you can have the last word

Sorry @NotresDames your latest post is too confusing to fathom.

Stop pretending this doesn't happen

What exactly do you think I have been pretending doesn't happen?

Tbh the charm would make me even more suspicious that he made a habit of this kind of thing and he never really meant it... and that he might be good at covering it up in front of his wife, or she might be keen not to see any signs.

You wouldn't lose that much by hanging around to see what happens next, though, would you? If you can ignore the fact that he's sitting pretty with his wife, of course. She might find out and chuck him, or he might eventually leave of his own accord. Then he'd potentially be all yours, if he wants. Was the idea that he would move straight into your home?

Yes I'm a terrible person and have no self esteem/should rot in hell for being the OW
Glad you know it! You deserve all you get in life and on here.

He's a man who prides himself on his manliness.

Oh god OP he sounds like an utter tool!
You can do so much better.

Pick yourself up, dump him, do the work on your self-esteem, & you will soon be looking back & laughing about how you possibly thought this bellend had anything of value to offer you.

If you want to force his hand OP, why not tell his wife you’ve been shagging her husband yourself? It’s unlikely he’s told her, if he can lie to her, he’s probably lying to you. You may be doing her a big favour.

Then if he stays with her, at least you will know you were just a bit on the side and he doesn’t really want to be with you?

"It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you."

Well you've got what you deserve really. You obviously started this with very little thought for anyone else's feelings. Your feelings are hurt now and that just tough luck. Very selfish behaviour on your part.

[quote NotresDames]@foolbutwilling I'd ask for your thread to be taken down.

It NEVER EVER evokes any sympathy on MN to admit to making a mistake and getting involved with a man who is not (yet) divorced or officially separated.

I know you regret this and took him at his word.

It's very easy for anon posters to kick you and say you were an idiot but no one knows that better than you now.[/quote]
But my issue is that I don't see shagging a married man as ' a mistake' A mistake is forgetting stuff at the shops - this is a deliberate act of lack of moral fibre

Yes I know I will never see him again. He's a man who prides himself on his manliness. Has loads of boys toys cars, boat, nice clothes well groomed. But deep down he doesn't have a spine

This along with his charm and charisma send off warning bells to me. I've listened to enough true crime podcasts to understand that charm is just a manner of manipulation and them getting what they want.

Dust yourself off. Take whatever positives you can from it and move on to someone who is willing to commit to you.

@BunNcheese

Ahhh I thought just as much as it didn't fit your narrative. You cannot argue with stupid. I can see your view is one sided you can have the last word

What narrative? I either didn't see or didn't pay attention to your post.

What part of that makes my view (if you can tell me what that is) one sided? Because I didn't notice yours? Is this about your ego, or the OP's problem?

Love your Grade A pass-agg 'last word' comment though. I can hardly respond to you without using words, can I? Or should I beam my thoughts to you in images, via the astonishing power of my mind alone?

Manliness? he's utterly pathetic.

Come on OP, you can do better than this wanker. Just block and then delete.

Yep, he's a bellend.

You blinkered yourself to his true nature because it was all exciting. Unfortunately in the cold light of day it is all revealed as being a bit shabby, a bit grubby and a bit cheap - bit like a nightclub during the day.

You were naive and silly. But you've learned now. And you won't be naive and silly again (unless you are pathologically daft or evil) in a hurry.

No-one is that intoxicating that you cannot help yourself - the urge to do so may be almost over-powering, but it doesn't mean it's a good idea, or that you and he were somehow "meant to be". It just means that he knows what to say to get what he wants, and you were in the mood to believe him. It's not some grand romantic magnetic attraction. It's opportunity+suspension of disbelief+the excitement of forbidden fruit.

If he’s got money for boats. I take it he’s wealthy so probably doesn’t want to split his assets in a divorce so even more unlikely he’s told his wife! You’re probably not even his first affair partner.

I also don’t get how having sex with a married man is a ‘mistake’. As is often said, you didn’t trip and fall on his naked erect penis did you ? You had free will and knew exactly what you were doing but didn’t care.

@tiggerwhocamefortea

It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you.

Yes...imagine how his wife feels

This. I've been the person cheated on in 2 different long term relationships. The fact that she is on here looking sympathy for him slying off back to his poor wife like she did with him in the first place speaks volumes. Disgusting.

There is no 'but' here to excuse yourself with. They were together whether it was supposedly 'the end' or not. Stop trying to justify your horrible actions.

He 'swears on his daughters life he has told the truth'

Plot Twist: He doesn't have a daughter.

My ex swore on our DC lives he was telling the whole truth .... when he wasn't ... I comfort myself with visions of him rotting slowly in hell of course.

I know it's just words at the end of the day but how can a person say those words about their own DC? He must be a revolting piece of shit OP.

You are being mugged off, and it serves you right! Get some dignity and walk away!

Oh, liars always swear on their kids lives. 🙄 They're ridiculous.

Three quarters of the sad relationship posts would be solved if women took responsibility for their own happiness and acted in ways which they respect.

How many more times, they all sing from the same song sheet .
They all follow the same script.
Because they know gullible women like you will fall for it.
Love is what you do, not what you say.
Learn all you can about self love because once you fall in love with yourself, their game is over.

Let him go OP.
The mental and emotional freedom is immense.
Read and re-read all the messages you’ve received here.
Tell him you’ve had enough and cut contact.
Even if you can’t block him straightaway, tell him you’ve had enough. If he keeps coming back, tell him again. Eventually you’ll be able to cut contact for good.
Get some control back in your life.
You can do it.

Even in the cases where the affair relationship appears to work out long term everybody knows it started with cheating and lies. There will always be doubt about the honesty of the partner especially during tough times.
Also what do you tell any children that result from the new relationship? Young kids like to hear about how their parents met, I can't imagine how you'd tell them about the affair...lie again I suppose.

How long have you been with him?

Have you met his daughter yet or any of his family or friends?

You probably aren’t even the only current extra marital shag. He’s likely spinning the same nonsense to some other gullible woman.