Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving his wife

297 replies

foolbutwilling · 28/10/2021 14:04

Yes I'm a terrible person and have no self esteem/should rot in hell for being the OW. Now that's out of the way the man I'm seeing fell into a relationship with me because his marriage was 'all but over' however as the weeks went on he would then be going on a weekend away with his wife 'just to see friends' or talking about his Christmas plans. At the weekend I said look you want me and you told me it was over so leave or we are done. He comes back saying he's blown everything up told his wife he doesn't love her and can't stand being with her- she was apparently seeing a solicitor the next day and he finding someone to stay. Fast forward a few days and he says things are 'strained' but he's still there. I trick him by saying oh how awkward bet you're looking forward to Christmas expecting him to say he won't be there then. His reply 'oh it will be a quiet one etc'
I know I'm a fool and a terrible person but I feel so utterly humiliated

OP posts:
MrsColon · 28/10/2021 14:35

You obviously feel dreadful so I won't kick you when you're already down. As other posters have said, pick yourself up, shake yourself off and move onwards and upwards without this lying prick in your life.

The man you love does not exist, the real man is a toe-rag not worthy of your time. You can do this.

Winniemarysarah · 28/10/2021 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Frazzledmummy123 · 28/10/2021 14:36

'When a man settles down with his mistress, this creates a vacancy'.

This has proven he is fully capable of lies and deceit and will not feel guilty about cheating on you either. Get the hell away from this liar.

DiamondBright · 28/10/2021 14:36

Why would you want someone else's unfaithful husband, how are you ever going to trust him ?

1forAll74 · 28/10/2021 14:37

I have witnessed this scenario,time and time again, the very same situation that you are in. The wonderful affairs, the plans made, and then everything falls apart when crunch time arrives,

litterbird · 28/10/2021 14:37

He has never told his wife about you. He loves his wife, he will stay with his wife and when you are gone he will find another mistress. Tale as old as time. Move on, learn and don’t get involved with a married man again.

ParmigianoReggiano · 28/10/2021 14:38

IME anyone who feels the need to swear "on their daughter's life" may not be lying on that occasion, but it does mean they're a habitual liar. Honest people don't need to use such dramatics to 'prove' they're telling the truth.

LadyLuLou · 28/10/2021 14:39

What an odious man to swear on his daughters life. That tells you everything you need to know about that man.

He doesn't love you. Never did.

Bluebells34 · 28/10/2021 14:39

He has not told his daughter - if he has he stands to lose her too - imagine the daughters world cruhing around her realising that her father has been unfaithful to her mother and shagging another woman

LUCCCY · 28/10/2021 14:39

He wants his wife to go home to and something to shag. Move on.

dworky · 28/10/2021 14:41

Honestly OP, this man is no good to either of you.

You don't 'fall' into a relationship, you make a choice & if a marriage is failing you finish it before you get involved with someone else.
The likelihood is he's done it before & you may even not be the only present one!

cuttlefishgame · 28/10/2021 14:41

He's unfaithful to his wife and lying to you.

Who wants a relationship with a man who behaves like that? Even if he does leave his wife, you'd never be able to trust him not to cheat on you as well, would you?

You know you need to end it.

DiamondBright · 28/10/2021 14:41

It's rare the star crossed lovers scenario ever works out, my exH had a whole fantasy world planned out in his head, ridiculous notions about how life was going to pan out, he got a shock when everyone didn't go along with it.

Ducksurprise · 28/10/2021 14:41

If nothing else remember when a man makes a mistress his wife he creates a vacancy.

Have more respect for yourself and his wife.

BurntO · 28/10/2021 14:43

OP what did you expect. Seriously. He doesn’t give a shit

venusandmars · 28/10/2021 14:46

A friend of mine was in a similar situation. The man was genuinely going to leave his wife. Until... he started looking at places to stay. Saw the shitty flats that were all he could afford. Took another look at his large, warm, comfortable family home and promptly changed his mind.

Buildingthefuture · 28/10/2021 14:48

Based on the dismissive way you opened your post OP, I am struggling to feel any sympathy. When do you think this will be "out of the way" for his WIFE??
He is lying to you, he is lying to his wife. Do you think any man who has an affair ever honestly says to the affair partner "there is nothing wrong at home, I have no intention of ever leaving my wife, I just fancy a shag with a bit of strange?" He is a proven, apparently quite accomplished, LIAR. It baffles me that you could even begin to envisage a future with this man (which you won't have anyway because it seems he isn't actually leaving his wife!) Find your self-respect and move on.

Strangevipers · 28/10/2021 14:49

If they cheat WITH you they will cheat ON you.

Move on, you have been the OW and he still won't leave his wife. Open your eyes and move on ! Find someone who cares about you because he doesn't

NoNayNever · 28/10/2021 14:50

@foolbutwilling

He 'swears on his daughters life he has told the truth'

Urghh I can't believe I ever had feelings for such a psycho

And no doubt when his wife asks if he's been unfaithful, he will also swear on his daughter's life that he hasn't.

It's a line that's as original as "My wife doesn't understand me" or "We're more like brother and sister."

Vix1977 · 28/10/2021 14:50

You should want better for yourself Hun.
Don't you want a man to be 100% for you and only you.

Instead of beating yourself up about it, do something and put yourself first!

Longdistance · 28/10/2021 14:53

More fool you! He’s lied to his wife (she probably doesn’t know) and he’s spinning you a yarn.
You really want to be with someone like that? He’s got his feet under the table with his wife. It’ll hit his pocket the worst if they divorce. He’s keeping you like a puppet on a string.

Toottooot · 28/10/2021 14:55

How long into your ‘relationship’ did you find out he was married or did you know all along the wife was still on the scene?

IAAP · 28/10/2021 14:55

@foolbutwilling

He 'swears on his daughters life he has told the truth'

Urghh I can't believe I ever had feelings for such a psycho

And mine sworn on his sons life that he wouldn’t touch the joint account - then walked around the corner and did so.
BunNcheese · 28/10/2021 14:56

No judgement OP.

How long have you been involved with this man?

He clearly has no respect for you going to the lengths of lying and pretending he will leave his wife knowingly he won't do such thing.
Christmas, birthdays and other special occasions should highlight to you your not priority.

Leaving will be hard but honestly OP at least you will be in control if you end things. Be Frank with him and tell him it's over.

BunNcheese · 28/10/2021 14:58

@Strangevipers

If they cheat WITH you they will cheat ON you.

Move on, you have been the OW and he still won't leave his wife. Open your eyes and move on ! Find someone who cares about you because he doesn't

This
Swipe left for the next trending thread