Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

Checking in! Late to the thread, thank you for making @BelladiMamma and good to hear you have a date in with Mr Actor. What were you thinking with BeardFlake 🤦 good to hear you've got a better handle on your feelings about him though, where you said about recognising him pushing your buttons.
Sounds like Mr stone is being a bit of a pain @VanGoghsDog if you've made it clear friends only already I'm not sure how you can play it. I know you don't want awkwardness but I'd consider what the costs/benefits of being friends are.
Still catching up but @JustAnother0ldMan I'm not keen on condoms personally, but I'm not shy about discussing sti testing, contraception and exclusivity either which helps.
Hi to everyone else!
Things are still going well with Mr D, I've been in a bit of an overthink mode lately and questioning if we're compatible but I'm sitting tight for now because I'm sure it's just me and a bit of a self sabotage funk.

@Stayingstrongish Sounds like he has death grip from too much masturbation.
It means only his grip will mean he orgasms.

If you see a future with him I would be having a conversation about masturbation and suggesting he lays off doing it so regularly.

It's took me to have that difficult conversation with magnet-man about how we keep in touch. And i really didn't know which way it would go and if we'd 'be on the same page.' It's taken a lot of work for me to reduce the level of communication i need actually, because i realise now that in the past i needed way to much and for the other person this was seriously draining. It took the MrE experience for me to realise what it's like from 'the other side.' It's over-bearing and somethery and smacks of low-self esteem. All of which are terrible characteristics to bring to a new relationship.
@dancerinthemoonlight how's work going? Hopefully a little better than a few weeks ago?
@BelladiMamma i really don't get beard-flake? He's planning how you'll run off together yet doesn't want to actually meet up... and with MrActor he's planning to see you this weekend are you the same with losing interest when it's a while between dates? or do you feel more excitement.
@VanGoghsDog I very much like your analysis here. As much as i really want the 'family' unit i don't exactly go for men that will really ever make that happen. I guess having been single for so long i have finally realised that there aren't only 'cons' there are plenty of 'pros' as well with your own freedom being a huge once, as this is such a luxury to have. With my head the way it is right now i'm not in any hurry to give this up.

@Heartbeats0708

Checking in! Late to the thread, thank you for making *@BelladiMamma* and good to hear you have a date in with Mr Actor. What were you thinking with BeardFlake 🤦 good to hear you've got a better handle on your feelings about him though, where you said about recognising him pushing your buttons. Sounds like Mr stone is being a bit of a pain *@VanGoghsDog* if you've made it clear friends only already I'm not sure how you can play it. I know you don't want awkwardness but I'd consider what the costs/benefits of being friends are. Still catching up but *@JustAnother0ldMan* I'm not keen on condoms personally, but I'm not shy about discussing sti testing, contraception and exclusivity either which helps. Hi to everyone else! Things are still going well with Mr D, I've been in a bit of an overthink mode lately and questioning if we're compatible but I'm sitting tight for now because I'm sure it's just me and a bit of a self sabotage funk.

Yeah. I know. Hopeless, just wanted him to know I was 'living my best life'.

@SortingItOut @FireandBrimstone I can see this from both sides. As you're figuring out how you want to live your life post divorce sometimes you stick to familiar patterns eg dating guys who are like you socially. I have however cut most of those preconceptions loose and I am happy to spend time with people who aren't necessarily an obvious 'match' on paper. MrSardinia for example and MrHostel are care workers. They're not graduates or earning loads or have kids or own cars. But they're great people with interesting life experience and so long as they're not chippy it's great to spend time with different people.

@Naimee87

It's took me to have that difficult conversation with magnet-man about how we keep in touch. And i really didn't know which way it would go and if we'd 'be on the same page.' It's taken a lot of work for me to reduce the level of communication i need actually, because i realise now that in the past i needed way to much and for the other person this was seriously draining. It took the MrE experience for me to realise what it's like from 'the other side.' It's over-bearing and somethery and smacks of low-self esteem. All of which are terrible characteristics to bring to a new relationship. *@dancerinthemoonlight* how's work going? Hopefully a little better than a few weeks ago? *@BelladiMamma* i really don't get beard-flake? He's planning how you'll run off together yet doesn't want to actually meet up... and with MrActor he's planning to see you this weekend are you the same with losing interest when it's a while between dates? or do you feel more excitement. *@VanGoghsDog* I very much like your analysis here. As much as i really want the 'family' unit i don't exactly go for men that will really ever make that happen. I guess having been single for so long i have finally realised that there aren't only 'cons' there are plenty of 'pros' as well with your own freedom being a huge once, as this is such a luxury to have. With my head the way it is right now i'm not in any hurry to give this up.

I'm being totally childish and wanted BeardFlake to know that I'd moved on cos he hurt me soooo much.

I'm completely smitten with MrActor and I'm also protecting my feelings by keeping chats going. Or at least that's what I think I'm doing! He's still active on Feeld and we haven't had the exclusive conversation. Actors are often massive romantics or total players. And can switch between the two depending on whether they're in work or not. And as for being a player ... well ... I feel like I'm in the NSA camp at the moment so takes one to know one ... honestly. If he sent me the link to some land and told me we should buy it and move there tomorrow I'd be 'where do I sign'. But I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground. He could cancel this Sunday. 🤷🏻‍♀️ as it's literally his only day off I'm 2 weeks, and he might need to prioritise other stuff. In which case I can message BeardFlake for a flirtatious chat. Yes. Judge me. I'm judging myself!!

Not a fan of condoms! Echo @Heartbeats0708 (hello!) Open and honest conversation, exclusivity chat and alternative 'endings' of which there are many, many fun ways to try. What on earth is 'death grip' this sounds weirdly frightening? Is this a common thing...

@BelladiMamma

I do keep my dating pool quite "broad" at matching/date zero level.

Non-negotiables are things like smoking but appearance/specific job title etc aren't that important.

That said, the guys I tend to end up with (or progress with) STILL end up being a "type"?

Quite chunky fairish guys with somewhat geeky jobs who take on quite a "traditional role" in the dating process.

So maybe that's me sub-consciously having a preference. Or as I'm dark and intense and slimmish my womb is telling me to "mate with complete opposites to me" even though I'm childfree by choice.

Never any judgement on here when it comes to who you can or can't resist! I've gone back to a ghoster/zombie so what do i know...

Yeh @Naimee87 we know the nutcases who have a hold of us and who we're emotionally vulnerable to !

What's the line from Last Christmas - "if you kiss me once, I know you'll fool me again..."

@Stayingstrongish

For those of you having protected sex with dates/partners, do they have any issues orgasming when using condoms? (E.g. finding it impossible?) I’d be interested in male perspectives on that too.

@Stayingstrongish I'm sure I don't need to tell you that men and men's bodies are strange

I can tell a difference between different brands, but I have also been under a lot of stress the past 3 years, so I can't say for sure if it's one or the other or a bit of both and that's without my age coming into play

@Naimee87

Not a fan of condoms! Echo *@Heartbeats0708* (hello!) Open and honest conversation, exclusivity chat and alternative 'endings' of which there are many, many fun ways to try. What on earth is 'death grip' this sounds weirdly frightening? Is this a common thing...

Death grip, which may or may not be a thing en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death-grip_syndrome

Out of interest, why not a fan of condoms, is it a feel thing ?

My thoughts on communication levels are that too little is a turn off as is too much. I personally like a couple of texts a week, one phone call/zoom a week max. I like the texts to be witty and flirty, phone calls can be a bit more serious/mundane.

As for checking out someone's occupation, I also do this as probay quite a lazy way of getting a feel for who they are - I tend to go for arty, lefty types or people who have interesting jobs I'm ashamed to say. I have a people focused job in the voluntary sector and want to be with someone who gets what I do and values it. I don't get paid loads but I love my job.

It isn't always about money and status is all I'm saying. Perhaps my own prejudice but politics and social justice are important to me and I like being with soneone who feels the same.

And finally on condoms. Sex doesn't feel any better or worse with or without for me, but I do find men complaining about them a bit of a turn off. If it's going inside me it must have a condom on basically. Not being able to finish with one on seems pretty common ime, but there are loads of imaginative and fun ways round that as mentioned upthread 🙂

Yes it's a definitely a feel thing and a genral 'awkwardness' thing. I am probably really not painting a great picture of myself here am i, but usually there isn't any time and i don't want to stop!

I'm not a condom fan, I won't use them for contraception (I have a coil). As for the other protection, I'd rather not. I do not like the interruption to proceedings. And the smell.

I get tested and ask them too.

Yeah it's a feel thing for me @JustAnother0ldMan it doesn't feel the same at all. Have tried different brands etc but I don't like the sensation, not as slippery somehow?(tmi?!)
The awkward pause while it goes on I can tolerate but I'd rather not.
And it's barrier by name, barrier by nature. I don't feel as connected.
Hi @Naimee87! Glad things are regular/well with Mr Magnet!

@Heartbeats0708

Yeah it's a feel thing for me *@JustAnother0ldMan* it doesn't feel the same at all. Have tried different brands etc but I don't like the sensation, not as slippery somehow?(tmi?!) The awkward pause while it goes on I can tolerate but I'd rather not. And it's barrier by name, barrier by nature. I don't feel as connected. Hi *@Naimee87*! Glad things are regular/well with Mr Magnet!

Since I’m an old man now, my last partner was an older lady, who didn’t self lubricate quite as much, so a bit of water based lube is always to hand now …

@Heartbeats0708 so glad you were able to type what i couldn't bring myself too. This is exactly it for me as well. You should be able to feel as much as you can together that's the best part, sex is just messy and it should be and i wouldn't want it any other way!

I prefer a silicone based lube but it's more from a want than a need perspective, as a youngish sex enthusiast. I never got the memo about the associated embarrassment of using it, it's fun!
Yes @Naimee87 just how it should be!
Obviously different rules apply to casual/ONS arrangements. I didn't use a condom on one such occasion and scared the life out of myself with what ifs!

I've never been embarrassed about lube, agree it's fun. Luckily, because I need it a bit more now. I have all sorts. MrWG made some comment about "I must remember to bring some" and I was like er, why do you think I don't have any, which type do you prefer??

Thanks everyone for your feedback on condoms, very interesting to have both male and female thoughts. I do prefer the feeling without, but in this case he knows he has an untreatable STD so going without is not an option from my point of view.

He has himself suggested excessive masturbating may be causing a problem for him, and offered to cut down. The experience is still nice for me anyway, without going into too much detail he's very good at the other stuff he does!

OK so this has been on my mind a while, given how explicit some of the posts have been also on previous threads too so i'm just going to ask (finally!) And seeing as we are on this topic i've been wondering whether everyone has toys and enjoys pleasuring themselves. As you can probably tell by my wording this isn't something i do or have ever done and i'm wondering how odd this is. My best friend thinks this is insane and she can't quite get her head round it. Is it really that uncommon? I'm so curious to hear what you all think?

I've had a really nice afternoon. My friend was supposed to be in the office with me today, but she couldn't be so she asked me over for lunch. I got there she had cooked me chicken and halloumi as she knew I liked both and some wraps, bought me a birthday cake and a bottle of prosecco. And we sat and had a chat whilst we should have been working. Her partner was there I've not met him before, he's really nice. He earns the same as Mr Cricket and you know what it showed me, they're bloody normal people. We a have the same things to think about (what colour carpet to buy, what colour to paint). So I need to stop putting Mr Cricket on a pedestal thinking he's too good for me, he is just like me with the same things to worry about (he can just get his lights from John Lewis whilst I go to B&Q 🤣).

I personally don't like using condoms but do with new people and until I'm ready not to.
When I had more than one FWB I used condoms with all but my long term one but we both had regular testing.

I think using condoms feels different and also you need lube to hand.

@Naimee87 I have a Lovehoney drawer full of wonders but I don't think people who don't are odd or in a minority.
Most of my sex toys are used with Mr K, I rarely solo play (because I'm rarely home alone and the dogs share my bedroom)
If you are happy as you are why change?

@Naimee87
No & Yes

@Naimee87 I'm on top of the work load so it's better in that sense but the company culture and environment is still rubbish. The job search continues and I remain hopeful about finding a job to start in the new year.

Dating wise I had a few potentials suggest dates and now ghost me since I said yes and was looking to firm up plans.