Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@Isitreallyme177 let Mr Cricket go to JL direct but you can also try the manufactures factory shop who supply most of JL lighting

darlightingfactorysale.com

@StartingAgain6369 I never knew there was such a place, I'm going to have a look now.

@Naimee87

OK so this has been on my mind a while, given how explicit some of the posts have been also on previous threads too so i'm just going to ask (finally!) And seeing as we are on this topic i've been wondering whether everyone has toys and enjoys pleasuring themselves. As you can probably tell by my wording this isn't something i do or have ever done and i'm wondering how odd this is. My best friend thinks this is insane and she can't quite get her head round it. Is it really that uncommon? I'm so curious to hear what you all think?

Are you kidding?

I have a big bag of them. But I have my old faithful which I use most. I use them on my own and with partners.

I cried the first time I used a rabbit. It's a completely different thing to any feeling you get from sex (for me), doesn't replace sex, isn't better, just different.

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@Naimee87
No & Yes[/quote]
I'm a No & Yes too. But @Naimee87 it's totally normal either way imo. I also go through long spells where I'm a No & No.

Re the condoms discussion, I'm another (woman) who doesn't like them. Yes it's partly the feel, partly the connection, and partly the fact that I find them physically repulsive/off-putting (which isn't very conducive to doing the deed!). I prefer to use STI testing (both parties - it's so quick and easy nowadays, and I don't mind having the "awkward conversation" with someone I'm expecting to start having sex with), plus the pill.

Love this thread

@VanGoghsDog crying tears of joy, you mean?

[quote PurpleStripyScarf]@VanGoghsDog crying tears of joy, you mean?[/quote]
Yes, I mean, something like that. I certainly wasn't sad!

@Isitreallyme177 that is so sweet of your friend! When is your actual birthday did you say it’s friday? For some reason I was thinking that but maybe wrong!

@SortingItOut I don't want to get into a spat and sometimes I don't articulate things as clearly as I want to, but I appreciate @Languidleopard's follow up as this is very close to what I was trying to say. It's not about me making any judgement whatsoever on whether someone has a 'right' or 'wrong' job. I worry about being able to converse with any new person and if I can relate to their job - or indeed, to any other info on an app bio - that is at least one thing we can talk about! You may be right that I am leaving myself open to having 'screened out' someone I might actually get on really well with but the same applies to age and distance filters too.

Re the condoms discussion, I'm another (woman) who doesn't like them. Yes it's partly the feel, partly the connection, and partly the fact that I find them physically repulsive/off-putting (which isn't very conducive to doing the deed!). I prefer to use STI testing (both parties - it's so quick and easy nowadays, and I don't mind having the "awkward conversation" with someone I'm expecting to start having sex with), plus the pill.

Hmm very interesting, I became sexually active in middle of AIDS era, so condom use was rammed home (so to speak), and not everyone was on the pill my exW was on it for a while, but when she stopped we swapped to condoms and that habit has stuck really, now the people I’m dating are mostly post menopausal, the contraceptive element is less important, maybe I need to start talking to people about just getting tests and going from there 🤔

I hate condoms but I also can't take the pill as tje extra hormones turn me into a monster. What do I do? It was fine with my ex as we wanted kids. If I get serious with someone what do I do?

@Shayelle2009 yes it's Friday. I was actually really touched, she's only been working with me since February and most of that has been virtually. It was so lovely that she thought i know she likes chicken and halloumi so I'll cook her that and I'll get her a cake too.

@Isitreallyme177

I hate condoms but I also can't take the pill as tje extra hormones turn me into a monster. What do I do? It was fine with my ex as we wanted kids. If I get serious with someone what do I do?

@Shayelle2009 yes it's Friday. I was actually really touched, she's only been working with me since February and most of that has been virtually. It was so lovely that she thought i know she likes chicken and halloumi so I'll cook her that and I'll get her a cake too.

There are non hormonal contraceptives - copper coil, diaphragm, female condom. Also merina coil, the hormones are unlikely to have the same effect as the ones in the pill.

Then there's withdrawal, timing. Or only shag men who've had vasectomies.

I have a big bag of them. But I have my old faithful which I use most.

I know what you mean, I have loads of spanner’s and fancy socket sets, but still mostly use the old favourites

@FireandBrimstone Maybe I'm just a nosey person but like @BelladiMamma I love meeting people from varied backgrounds/jobs etc as I love learning about people and new things. I think it also challenges your conversational skills to meet someone so different and keep a conversation going for hours.

When I was doing casual my only criteria was that I fancied them, that they could hold a conversation and could host. I met some really interesting people that if I had kept within my own likes and similar jobs etc I would never have considered.
I've met people in all sorts of areas of work that were more articulate and better informed on world issues than I ever am and I consider myself very articulate and up on things.

Mr K is a builder and has a colourful past, I thought he'd be good for sex and nothing else (which was fine as I only wanted casual) but given our complete opposite ends of the spectrum with jobs we somehow share the same values, morals, political leaning etc.

I do think you are screening out alot of men, distance and age are very different to screening on job (which maybe was not quite the example you meant to give)

@JustAnother0ldMan

Re the condoms discussion, I'm another (woman) who doesn't like them. Yes it's partly the feel, partly the connection, and partly the fact that I find them physically repulsive/off-putting (which isn't very conducive to doing the deed!). I prefer to use STI testing (both parties - it's so quick and easy nowadays, and I don't mind having the "awkward conversation" with someone I'm expecting to start having sex with), plus the pill.

Hmm very interesting, I became sexually active in middle of AIDS era, so condom use was rammed home (so to speak), and not everyone was on the pill my exW was on it for a while, but when she stopped we swapped to condoms and that habit has stuck really, now the people I’m dating are mostly post menopausal, the contraceptive element is less important, maybe I need to start talking to people about just getting tests and going from there 🤔

condom use was rammed home (so to speak) Ha ha @JustAnother0ldMan you do make me chuckle.

Re STI testing, it really is as quick and easy as ordering from Amazon. For example, for those in London, you just follow the instructions at this link: www.shl.uk to get the home-testing kit. Presumably other areas offer a similar/equivalent service. And I take the view that if a guy is put off by me asking (or by the awkwardness of the conversation pre-sex) then he's probably not a good match for me anyway.

Evening. So I've contracted covid and let Mr dumper know, earlier. I guess I didn't have to, but as the incubation period can be up to two weeks..

I was doing just fine. Now I feel ill and vulnerable. On a side note, my kids and friends have been an absolute godsend 💕

Ha ha @JustAnother0ldMan you do make me chuckle.

@PurpleStripyScarf
Yes I seem to have the affect on women, I get naked and they burst out laughing 😂 😂

But seriously, if it goes anywhere with Ms Wales or any other poor unfortunate woman who crosses my path will certainly look at that (not in London) - thanks

Oh dear

We're sorry...
There doesn't seem to be any SH.UK services available in the middle of fucking nowhere at this time. If you have any concerns or if you would like to discuss your testing options please contact your local sexual health clinic.

Roll call: spending too much time with Mr still living with ex wife (def divorced just delays in selling house) 2 irons, both seem keener on chatting - no offer of date zero. I prefer to move to a date zero early on, so it's annoying...

@Heartbeats0708

This struck a chord with me:

Things are still going well with Mr D, I've been in a bit of an overthink mode lately and questioning if we're compatible but I'm sitting tight for now because I'm sure it's just me and a bit of a self sabotage funk

I’ve been in a funny headspace about Mr L since I left him on Sunday. I don’t know what’s going on, we couldn’t have had a nicer weekend, no red flags, issues, disagreements but I keep thinking that we are not going to work out or musing if we are compatible. I’m thinking self sabotage too but also wondering if there’s an element of being afraid I’m settling because he is so different from the 3 previous people I dated (who treated me poorly). Yet I am loving spending time with him and I have a real sense of excited anticipation about chatting to him later on a call! So probably self sabotage and not quite believing someone could be so into me.

My roll call is just one iron now. Last time I did a roll call (a couple of threads ago) I had a cold iron who I'd recently dated and who'd friendzoned me (but we were still messaging almost daily). Now firmly in the genuine friendzone (from my perspective as well as his) - happy with that. So my sole iron is the one I started seeing in August. I'm going to change his name to Mr Growl. It seems to be going pretty well, I think. But we see each other fairly infrequently (as in, once a fortnight on a good fortnight) not least because of domestic/child arrangements (for both of us). I'd like to step this up. Might need to have a Conversation. I'm another one here who likes regular contact and feels less connected when we see each other less.

@MayEye yes similar situ with Mr D being very different to the people I've dated before. He's wonderful, we always have a great time together regardless of what we're doing even if it's just the mundane, he's open about how he feels and honest, thoughtful, everything I could want. I think it feels a bit "too good to be true"- I do see his flaws but they're not deal-breakers for me, so not completely rose tinted glasses.
Re the compatibility, what makes you think you aren't with Mr L?

Hello wise ladies, if I am being messaged from WhatsApp business it’s a scammer isn’t it ?

@Heartbeats0708 it also feels too good to be true! The distance and my home situation/kids mean mean things won’t progress to anything more than it is for a long time and while it’s fine now I’m afraid he will decide it’s not working for him going forward and I’ll be totally invested by this point and get hurt - so it’s maybe an element of self preservation causing me to doubt things.
We are very compatible in lots of ways - even down to our Spotify playlists of favourite songs

Hi all

I'm new to all this and hoping to get some tips!

[quote MayEye]@Heartbeats0708 it also feels too good to be true! The distance and my home situation/kids mean mean things won’t progress to anything more than it is for a long time and while it’s fine now I’m afraid he will decide it’s not working for him going forward and I’ll be totally invested by this point and get hurt - so it’s maybe an element of self preservation causing me to doubt things.
We are very compatible in lots of ways - even down to our Spotify playlists of favourite songs [/quote]
Oh crap, now I'm worried about the same thing Very aware that my domestic/child arrangements are likewise a bit limiting... Hopefully the right person will be OK with the situation though, right? I guess if it's meant to be, you make it work...?