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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
SkiFan · 02/11/2021 11:59

I don't have the book, by the way. He has the book.

Sorry, what?

What does he want from you then?

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 02/11/2021 12:18

I've just read a brief synopsis of the book (was wondering whether my own DC might be interested), this quote stands out

The same goes for Paige’s dad and his ilk - people who think “they’re the hero of their own story, but, actually, in the pursuit of being so important, they’re often the villain of everyone else’s”.

Do you think it's a bit too close to the bone for him and that's the cause the flappy text?

Scrapper142 · 02/11/2021 12:27

I don't think you should get tablets. Seems a bit extreme to have two each on the go.

I'd actually say that the tablets stay at his house and make clear tablets are something they have when at his and not yours. Then he can deal with the nagging of wanting to be one one all the time and gives them a break from it at yours if he lets them on it constantly.

I'd also make clear that monitoring the content they access and how they use tablets is his responsibilty only, and after the book incident one he needs to think about more carefully. If they had two and shared log ins over the two you'd be drawn in to it.

Maybe get them a Switch, something that is fun and bit more interactive, that you can monitor and limit as you see fit.

pointythings · 02/11/2021 12:29

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

I've just read a brief synopsis of the book (was wondering whether my own DC might be interested), this quote stands out

The same goes for Paige’s dad and his ilk - people who think “they’re the hero of their own story, but, actually, in the pursuit of being so important, they’re often the villain of everyone else’s”.

Do you think it's a bit too close to the bone for him and that's the cause the flappy text?

I did the same thing and had exactly the same thought - it's not about the language at all, it's about the subject matter. Geller doesn't like the idea that one of his DDs is starting to see through him.
ShowMeTheSugar · 02/11/2021 12:34

What does he expect you to do when the book is in his possession? What a twerp he is!

drspouse · 02/11/2021 12:37

My DS who is 9 has an old-style Wii and this is definitely more interactive than him playing on a tablet (which we periodically ban).

RobertsRadio · 02/11/2021 12:56

Remember last year when he didn't even get me so much as a chocolate orange? Thank GOD I don't have to spend Christmas with the miserable fucker this year.

I'd forgotten this, also is it really only last Christmas? It seems SO much longer ago, mainly because you have come so far since then, in every area of your life. Anyway you are right, thank god you don't have to spend this Christmas with the miserable fucker, the best Christmas present ever. The second best of course will be the divorce. Has the miserable fucker signed those papers yet?

RandomMess · 02/11/2021 13:01

The first thing that occurred to me is that the aunt has bought the tablets anyway...

I'd be sure the girls know that and thank her Smile

RandomMess · 02/11/2021 13:19

I also pricked my senses up about the theme of the book!

Sithee · 02/11/2021 13:59

I agree with the comments about tablets. We were deciding between tablets and a Switch last Christmas, and opted for tablets.
While it’s nice they can chat with their friends, what they really want to do is play Roblox all of the time, leading to constant of —arguements— negotiations about screen time limits. We too often “ban” them to just for the DC to take a break as they can be super addictive. I’d leave him to police all of that, but recommend making it clear to him that he needs to have the parental controls locked down hard.

Sithee · 02/11/2021 14:03

Spelling mistake and strikethrough fail. Damn my sausage fingers!

swampytiggaa · 02/11/2021 14:11

One of mine was a reluctant reader and aged about 9 picked up one of her brothers YA horror books and was hooked. Took it into school and her teacher confiscated it as unsuitable 😱 saying it was because of the bad language. (Sod off and bugger off mostly - didn’t have a problem with the subject matter of zombies eating brains)

Unfortunately the next morning I was in work so her dad took her to school and was really cross about it. He did point out that it was the first book she’d read and enjoyed and that I’d read it with her and was happy with it. He also pointed out that we listen to slipknot and similar at home and so far she hadn’t told a teacher to fuck off so she knew when it was appropriate to use that sort of language. He said that she wouldn’t bring the book to school again but that we would decide what was appropriate to read at home.

REignbow · 02/11/2021 15:17

I’m on the fence re: the tablets. It could work to have two each, as he won’t be able to dictate X,Y,Z (as the cockwomble is bound to do). However, he could still be an arsehole about what they get to do with yours in your home IYSWIM.

A Switch is a good idea (my daughter has one) and at least it will be different to what he has got them.

I also wouldn’t do joint presents, it will just be another sticking point and unnecessary communication (which he loves!).

Why is he asking you to tell DD1 that she can’t read it, when he has the book..? Like PP have said, he didn’t like that it described him to a tee!

A 👍 response to his stupid message is the way!

pussycatlickinglollyices · 02/11/2021 16:03

Find some other books by the same author...excellent gift for her stocking...remind her she needs to keep them at home, and not her useless prick of a dads Halo

drspouse · 02/11/2021 16:13

My DS is mad keen on Dog Man and Bunny vs Monkey which are both full of poo/fart/other preteen boy favourite jokes. We just want him reading...

StuckInPollyannaMode · 02/11/2021 16:53

Oh my. You're all geniuses.

'I got increasingly concerned about the way the Dad was depicted and the obvious coercive behaviour being described. But fair enough, I'll allow her access'

OP posts:
pussycatlickinglollyices · 02/11/2021 17:11

Polly if the book doesn't come home (to YOU and THEIR home) order her a replacement.

RandomMess · 02/11/2021 17:44

😆

Sunbird24 · 02/11/2021 18:55

Maybe people can recommend other books with similar themes? 😉

SpringCrocus · 02/11/2021 19:10

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Oh my. You're all geniuses.

'I got increasingly concerned about the way the Dad was depicted and the obvious coercive behaviour being described. But fair enough, I'll allow her access'

Is that what Geller replied, @StuckInPollyannaMode? 😱🙄
BrightYellowDaffodil · 02/11/2021 19:22

The girls have bought him a parenting book before.

God, that’s a damning indictment, isn’t it? Him being asked to parent better by his own children Grin

Iratus · 02/11/2021 20:26

Um… I’ve read several Holly Bourne books because the girls at school like ten and I wanted to check them out. I haven’t read that one but the 3 I have had some fairly graphic underage sexual experiences in them. You really might want to check through it…

Iratus · 02/11/2021 20:28

@Sunbird24

Maybe people can recommend other books with similar themes? 😉
The Geek Girl series is a much more age appropriate set of books but relatively similar.
Cruisinforcroissant · 02/11/2021 21:11

This website www.commonsensemedia.org/ is good for checking out what both adults and kids think of books and film. Usually spot on and saves reading everything.
Cheering you on- your style in everything you do, say and write is inspiring…

Beancounter1 · 02/11/2021 22:04

Hi Polly,
Avid follower, occasional poster here.
I agree with others that you should let her finish the book. If he has it and won't let her have it back, get her another copy. To do otherwise is cruel.
The most important thing is to encourage reading.
I often read books that were 'above my age range' as a young child - it does not do any harm. There was only ever one short story (sci-fi/ horror) that freaked me out, but my mum talked it through with me and I was fine.

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