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The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot(405 Posts)
Hear that ticking my lovelies?
That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.
I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.
So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.
Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)
How is DD1?
We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.
It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.
Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.
So I said
I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.
She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.
I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.
I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.
I. Am. Done.
Fecking well done! This needed to be said and made clear. Plus it all adds up to present a clear picture for any attempts by him with regards to custody.
I don’t know if it works for you. But I have a separate phone for my x. Admittedly he has much less contact but i don’t engage at all. At all. Unless it is to arrange summer holidays etc
So suddenly this dreadful weekend was absolute wonderful and he was an amazing dad of the year.
We always said it would end up in court in all out war. He is so emotionally abusive in such a covert way.
Well done for the message back Polly. Amazing how such an awful stressful weekend has suddenly turned into him being father of the year!
Very good, Polly. He needs to know that when he has them, he has to do the parenting.
Keep a record of the questioning - if he starts edging towards parental alienation, pull him up hard.
I must however take issue with your thread title - I had a chocolate teapot once. It was extremely useful because it satisfied my chocolate cravings.
I would be suggesting every other weekend Friday and Saturday night and phone call or video call in the other week to reboot his relationship with them ?? Would he go for that?
Good for you. Articulate as ever. You need to protect the girls and you are doing it calmly and with infinite patience in the face of the never ending fucktardery.
Someone 999 because Polly is on fire 🔥 🔥
You are an INSPIRATION, woman.
I'd love to kick this man in the balls.
(Sorry, no violence! )
That's a phenomenal response - well done!!! So dignified & yet so powerful.
I can see from your posts that you are getting stronger all the time - long may that continue
I congratulate you on your restraint and your reasoned, well though out message. Mine would have been "Fuck off you useless piece of rattlesnake shit".
Is there really any point in talking to him about the next school year? I'd be tempted to send him a 'written proposal' of what you'd prefer (like a Very Important Businessperson would do) and tell him you will await his concurrence or his written 'counter proposal'. No verbal discussion, everything via email. Not that he'll pay much attention to it if you do come to an agreement. Sigh.
As far as his incessant messaging, I'd probably simply reply each and every time "Your difficulties in parenting our daughters has been noted. Perhaps the following will be of interest to you..." with links to various parenting courses, books, and seminars. Sometimes the incessant repetition shows them that you aren't giving them much headspace and they aren't getting to you.
Because he's not just trying to dump his inadequate parenting on you, he's getting a rise out of upsetting you with the added 'plus' of knowing he is then forefront in your 'head'.
Polly, you really are bloody awesome. Your DDs are so lucky to have you.
And Gellar is a complete and utter... I'm not sure what the word is.
A complete and utter Hancock?
I absolutely love your reponse.
Fuck off will be my next response to the pity party that will no doubt come my way.
I practically did call 999 - DI Dishy and I have been on the phone for an hour 😁 his level of messaging is verging on harrassment (Geller’s, not DI Dishy’s!) and now that I’ve told him clearly I don’t like it then if it carries on there can be consequences.
I asked him if he’d arrest him for me, but sadly he wouldn’t. Spoilsport.
I also apologised and said I guess this is part of dating someone with kids and he said I have absolutely nothing to apologise for, I’ve done nothing wrong and it’s clear that I am rightly putting the kids first and not weaponising them - he also mentioned about alienation. And now that I’ve told him, I don’t actually need to read his messages (but then, what sport is there in that? Plus, every time he annoys me I buy something new, and I’m practically keeping the economy afloat as a result, so I do feel a certain level of responsibility).
You know, Geller would be absolutely TERRIFIED of DI Dishy. Who could take him down no problem. Ah, who am I kidding. My grandmother could take him down and she’s not been on this earth for the past 30 years. But that’s quite a nice reverie to have. Perhaps in full stab vest. Rocking up in a marked car might be stretching it a leetle though…
A friend of mine has suggested sending Geller a picture of an actual grey rock 🪨 every day he messages me 🤣
Let us hope for a better day tomorrow. At least I’ll get more sleep tonight than I did last night!
As a sideline, perhaps that’s a good home business to set up? If they are useful perhaps others need chocolate teapots?!
When Geller asks I could simply say I am diversifying to make additional revenue and I was inspired by him. Then smile sweetly and pour hot milk down his spout.
I would be tempted to add in that as he is incapable of parenting and you will be doing nearly all of it solo which he has admitted is so difficult that your spousal support needs to increase to pay for additional childcare and babysitters 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Your responses to his rubbish are excellent. Firm, polite, pointed. Repetition is good, too!
@Garraty47 - I hope you have teeny, tiny feet for this job.
Long time lurker here Polly, just wanted to briefly step out and say a resounding "Bravo!"
Proud of where you're at, your strength throughout it all, and especially now. Plus the assertiveness.
As an aside, chocolate teapots are an actual thing, as pointythings can testify
I have never actually had one, but have given them as presents a fair few times.
Go Polly! Go Polly! Go Polly!
That is what I thought when I read your message. You are so much stronger now that you are away from him. I wish I had some pom-poms to wave in the air after that message.
Long time lurker across all the threads, cheering on the strength and sheer restraint you are showing in face of his wilful fecklessness.
My preferred comparison expression is from ‘The Thick of It’ - he’s as much use as a marzipan dildo