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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
ImSoMagical · 24/02/2022 09:44

You did the right thing not mentioning Valentines - and yay what a lovely gift! Shame they've split up, wonder if he got her anything for Valentines?!? 😆

RandomMess · 24/02/2022 12:18

I think when he next mentions any new girlfriends you shit it don't firmly with "I don't think it's appropriate nor do I want to know about you it love life unless their is a long term partner you intend to introduce to the Dollies"

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2022 13:16

I'm not in the UK so can't help with 'practical' matters, but yes, Putin is sounding very 'Hitler-ish'. He wants to 'reunite' Russia the same way Hitler wanted to 'reunite' Germany.

The woman who owned my late mother's care home is from Ukraine, she and her family are certainly on my mind today. How frightening it must be for them.

Mix56 · 24/02/2022 15:30

Re the car, all I suggest is you think about getting a hybrid or electric car, as fuel is going to keep rocketing now

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2022 18:10

@Mix56

Re the car, all I suggest is you think about getting a hybrid or electric car, as fuel is going to keep rocketing now
Good idea!

We're on our second Prius Hybrid (USA) and we wouldn't have anything else than a hybrid. We average around 46mpg.

For us the current electrics don't get quite enough distance per charge for our needs.

Sandunesandseashells · 24/02/2022 20:58

Do you have a Santander 321 account? You can lease Volvo & Mazda cars through them at a good rate from 18 mths. They’ve taken the prices off the website and now you have to phone but they used to be very reasonable.

tribpot · 24/02/2022 21:29

For month-by-month leasing of electric vehicles you could look at On.to, might be too pricey and availability may be an issue in your area (currently all I could hire is an Audi e-Tron for £££££££) but worth a look. The prices are all-inclusive and include charging costs. Cazoo do a car subscription with a minimum term of 6 months.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 25/02/2022 09:02

Oh! I do have a Santander account - I’ll ring them! Thank you

Totally agree re hybrids. I definitely want one, and like you @AcrossthePond55 the electrics wouldn’t go far enough. It’s just the initial cost. I still think the car market is going to crash (boom boom) and I can’t quite make up my mind. Westley had some interesting suggestions the other night, so need to look into those.

Apropos of nothing, I sold the shitty Skoda to Cazoo. Their customer service was absolutely excellent and it was incredibly smooth and easy - I’d definitely recommend them.

Had friends over last night for a Chinese and I’m meeting other friends for brunch today. Love the fact that I can fit my work round all this socialising! I went to see very dear friends yesterday who have supported me all the way through - they said I’m blooming and they were proud of how far I’d come, which was very sweet.

OP posts:
Grrrpredictivetex · 25/02/2022 10:36

@Polly here in London I'm hearing people complain about the cost of recharging their electric cars. I've been told but have no real idea it's quite expensive unless you may have a charger at home, but with cost of electricity going through the roof it may not be as cheap as once sold to us. Think Diesel when we where persuaded to buy as cheaper.
You're doing amazingly, and come so far. Keep on blooming.

Mix56 · 25/02/2022 12:09

I agree about electric not having enough autonomy for a long trip. Plus each geographical area (Europe) have their own card to recharge, so you end up having to subscribe to the area you fill up in, which seems a totally crap system.
I had a Kia Niro Hybrid, which was extremely economic.
We both a Suzuki Ignis Hybrid for my DD (ordered in August, Delivered in Feb !!!) which is a a success, although lightweight. & too small for a family I would have thought

Mix56 · 25/02/2022 12:10

both-=bought

tribpot · 25/02/2022 19:16

No real need for a charge card in the UK @Mix56 - although it depends very much on where you are and where you need to charge. Like most EV drivers, I do 90% of my charging at home (which I realise is a major barrier for people who don't have off road parking/access to a plug socket). When travelling I would normally use Instavolt chargers, which can be activated with a contactless debit card or an app.

DuchessofAnkh1 · 28/02/2022 19:32

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Oh! I do have a Santander account - I’ll ring them! Thank you

Totally agree re hybrids. I definitely want one, and like you @AcrossthePond55 the electrics wouldn’t go far enough. It’s just the initial cost. I still think the car market is going to crash (boom boom) and I can’t quite make up my mind. Westley had some interesting suggestions the other night, so need to look into those.

Apropos of nothing, I sold the shitty Skoda to Cazoo. Their customer service was absolutely excellent and it was incredibly smooth and easy - I’d definitely recommend them.

Had friends over last night for a Chinese and I’m meeting other friends for brunch today. Love the fact that I can fit my work round all this socialising! I went to see very dear friends yesterday who have supported me all the way through - they said I’m blooming and they were proud of how far I’d come, which was very sweet.

I think you need to look at leasing a Tesla....

Never yet been on a journey where we have needed to stop to charge before someone needs a wee!

Driven to the Alps in it, driven London to Manchester and back...We can drive London to the borders of Wales and back without stopping to charge, and London to Leicester area and back.

My colleague has driven London to Fort William - takes no longer than in a petrol and, yes, it's much cheaper in fuel... ( and as icing on the cake, most of my local miles are free courtesy of Costco and Tesco free charging)

AcrossthePond55 · 28/02/2022 21:34

We have a friend who has a Tesla. The charging time is just too long, at least here in the US. On a 500 mile drive he had to stop and spend 30-40 minutes charging. That's too much time wasting for me.

Maybe charging is faster in the UK since y'all are on DC and we're on AC?

DifficultBloodyWoman · 28/02/2022 22:53

The UK has AC. I think the difference is voltage. The standard is 220-240 volts at 50Hz in the UK and 110 volts at 60Hz in the US.

But half an hour in a 500 mile (5-6 hour?) journey doesn’t seem too bad to me.

Cruisinforcroissant · 28/02/2022 23:03

Agree that 40 min stop for fuel/ charge over a 500 mile journey sounds amazingly good - I’d have to stop for the loo at least twice doing that distance anyway !!?

tribpot · 01/03/2022 08:09

Rapid charging in the UK is DC. But there's no getting around the fact, even with Tesla, filling up takes longer than it does in a petrol/diesel car. If you can time it to fit in with when you'd stop anyway for a loo/coffee break, it's not particularly inconvenient (as long the chargers are working and are available - not typically an issue with Tesla but it can be with non-Teslas) but it really depends how much long distance driving you actually do.

RandomMess · 01/03/2022 12:07

At least 6 times per year I do a 250 Trip (plus return) and I often don't stop. The thought of turning a minimum 4 hour journey to more than that makes me want to cry!!!

Pre Covid increasingly went i the train, hopefully I can go back to that as the timetables and fares settle down again.

DuchessofAnkh1 · 01/03/2022 12:51

@AcrossthePond55

We have a friend who has a Tesla. The charging time is just too long, at least here in the US. On a 500 mile drive he had to stop and spend 30-40 minutes charging. That's too much time wasting for me.

Maybe charging is faster in the UK since y'all are on DC and we're on AC?

Just to clarify, you are talking about a 40 minutes stopping in 8 hours of driving here....
DuchessofAnkh1 · 01/03/2022 13:03

Just in case people are interested our drive from London to Geneva went roughly like this;

Leave London on 100% charge.
Stop at the channel tunnel, charge for 10 minutes while waiting for our train to be called (note we didn't NEED to charge here)
Arrive with a relative in France, charge to 100% overnight on normal socket - If we hadn't done this we would have needed one additional 20 min charge.
Leave 8am - drive 3 hours, stop for brunch and a wee break - charge 22 minutes
Drive 3 hours, stop for a wee break and another 20 minute charge.
Drive another 2 hours, stop for 20 minute charge (again this was probably longer than we needed to charge)
Arrive just south of Geneva with 25% battery - charge at holiday cottage on normal plug to 100%.

At no point did I feel like the journey was taking longer than it does in the petrol car. We didn't stop for longer breaks or wait for charging just what we normally do, we just made sure we plugged in every time we stopped.

Oh and yes UK charging is faster than USA....

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2022 14:23

@DifficultBloodyWoman

The UK has AC. I think the difference is voltage. The standard is 220-240 volts at 50Hz in the UK and 110 volts at 60Hz in the US.

But half an hour in a 500 mile (5-6 hour?) journey doesn’t seem too bad to me.

Yes, thank you! That was what I meant 220 v 110.

I guess it's all about how you choose to 'do' a drive. When I go to my BFF's (450 mi) I leave on a full tank in the Prius and drive literally non-stop via Interstate and arrive with close to 35 miles still on my tank. The drive takes about 6.5 hours. It would drive me crazy to sit in my car for 30-40 minutes when I normally don't even stop for gas. If I was taking a leisurely 'tour style' drive through towns and traffic stops, a 30 minute stop wouldn't be bad at all.

DH and I have talked about a Tesla, our friend loves his. We think once they get up to a reliable 500 miles on a charge (regardless of headwinds, mountains, etc) it would be worth the $$ over the price of a Prius.

Just for shits and giggles, throwing this in: we've investigated the new electric pickups, as we RV. Towing our caravan we would have to stop approximately every 150-200 miles for a FULL charge. And that's 'flat land' driving. We drive between 450-600 miles a day on a cross country drive. Can you imagine having to stop 3-4 times @ 30 minutes a pop? Yikes!

Anyway, don't want to derail any further.

Mix56 · 01/03/2022 15:59

One option is getting a dinky toy electric car that you use for school/home/shorter trips then rent a bigger car for holidays & longer trips.. (If you live somewhere where you can get a lift to the car rental shop)

Shouldbedoing · 01/03/2022 18:53

Tesla are hugely expensive to buy and I imagine similar to lease. There's a reason why those people get excellent, widely available, speedy charges for their Tesla cars. They expect nothing less at the price. The infrastructure isn't quite there for the plebs yet, though charging at home and staying local is ok. My parents had some horrible winter journeys North this year in their EV, and they love a loo stop

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 01/03/2022 19:13

Polly Didn't you mention access to your new house being a bit snug/awkward for Gellar and his 4x4 ? If so, you need something a bit more "normal" (e.g. Ford Focus) sized rather than a hybrid which tends to be a bit chunkier.
(I would not buy a 2nd hand EV - batteries don't last forever and I've read they're prohibitively expensive to replace.)

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 01/03/2022 19:14

bugger - a prius is shockingly (for me anyway) narrower than a focus. 🤯🤦‍♀️