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Original poster

Is my bf taking advantage - finances

330 replies

Loui98 · 23/10/2021 04:23

Hi
I have moved in with my Bf. We had an agreement that he would give me £150 a week which would cover his share of rent/bills etc. Initially he was sticking to this but he’s gradually been reducing this, saying he has no money. He commutes and spends a lot on fuel. Yesterday he took my card and I told him to only use it in an emergency (ie if he’s running low on fuel) but I’ve had a look and he’s been spending my card on alcohol and other things and hasn’t come home tonight. He has also lost his phone so I had no way of contacting him so I messaged his friend who confirmed he had been drinking and was still in his city. He gets paid weekly and got paid yesterday and no doubt he will turn up later with some Lame excuse as to why he has no money when It’s been confirmed he’s spent mine and his money on alcohol.
Before he left for work yesterday he promised he would only use my card for fuel so I can’t believe he’s gone and used it for other things. He didn’t pay any rent or contribute towards food last week as he took a few days off work and didn’t get paid. It looks like this week he will contribute nothing either. I have already lent him cash which he’s not paid back. I feel like leaving him but I don’t know if this is OTT as he has previously been giving me money towards rent and bills and although he has been reducing it he will buy food from his own money from time to time…..

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 23/10/2021 11:01

He is a thief.
Throw him out.
Where he lives is not your responsibility.
He deserves the same level of respect as he has shown you.

inappropriateraspberry · 23/10/2021 11:01

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but better now than further down the line when it would be harder.
Maybe being chucked out will make him grow up a bit! I doubt it though. He'll probably move on to another woman pretty quick.
Where was he living before he moved in with you? Was he renting somewhere? If so, he is perfectly capable of managing his finances without you, and is just using you for money because he can.

FeatheredHope · 23/10/2021 11:01

He steals and he lies. This shouldn’t even be something you have to ask about. He has shown you his true colours - block him and put all of this behind you with as much difference as possible

On a totally separate note for the future, are you allowed to sublet? Some landlords/agencies would not be very impressed by someone else moving into their property and you taking rent from them whilst they are unaware.

crimsonlake · 23/10/2021 11:05

Goodness, do not put up with this one minute longer and do not feel guilty about showing him the door. Does your landlord know you are basically subletting?

olderthanilookapparently · 23/10/2021 11:05

It's his problem not yours. Please don't doesn't tune with someone who is lying to you.

He's really not nice to you is he?

forrestgreen · 23/10/2021 11:07

Send him a detailed text showing you what he owes
Rent £x
Tesco's £x
Etc

Say as you got paid yesterday can you send it straight over as I've got bills that need to go out.

If he values you at all he'll send what he owes. But tbh I'd be packing his bag today

Honeyroar · 23/10/2021 11:11

Has he got a key with him? If not I’d just cancel the card, pack his stuff up and tell him it’s on the doorstep. He sounds like a wow is me type who can’t even own his own problems and expects those who love him to carry him.

beastlyslumber · 23/10/2021 11:11

He has a job, a car, a phone and friends. He will be absolutely fine. He'll find another woman to take care of him soon enough.

OP, put his stuff in bin liners and put it outside. Change the locks. Block his number. Get a friend over to stay for a couple of days so he can't get to you. And maybe think about some counselling or doing the freedom programme, as this experience will have made you quite vulnerable.

candycane222 · 23/10/2021 11:12

He can find himself somewhere else to live. He has completely brought this on himself. In no way is it your responsibility to bail him out, when he decided of his own free will to steal from you and lie to you. Its entirely his problem, of his own making.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/10/2021 11:12

Pack his stuff up, get the card and door key off him immediately he comes back and then kick him out.

pheonixrebirth · 23/10/2021 11:13

Thieving lying drink driving cocklodger!
And if he blew his entire wages last night I'd bet that a great deal of it went up his nose? If his own friend told you to bin him it's a safe bet that he's seen all this before.

category12 · 23/10/2021 11:14

He's a user and drink-driving waste of space.

Stay with him and have a shit life.

Original poster
Loui98 · 23/10/2021 11:14

He’s already blown his wages that he got yesterday so doubt I would get a penny out of him.

With regard to subletting, he is allowed to live with me and as I clarified earlier, the money he gives me just goes towards bills and food as I pay my own rent. It’s easier just to give him a figure and say it’s for everything (bills, rent, food etc)

Before he was living with me, he had rented a flat for cheap but gave it up to be with me. I know this is going to make him sound even worse than what I’ve described him but he no longer has access to a bank account due to something he did so he will find it very very hard to rent a place

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 23/10/2021 11:18

You are definitely better off without him! Less stress and more money! If even his friends are telling you to get rid, I'd listen to them!
Please tell him you are not putting up with his shit any longer and he has to move out today.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 23/10/2021 11:18

SO WHAT ????
So what if he has no fuel
So what if he has no where to go
So what if he has blown all his wages and now has no money
So what if he doesn't have a bank account and will struggle to find somewhere

This is his problem and his doing. He's the one who has been spending his own money on unnecessary crap. Your money isn't just an unlimited pot for him when he runs out of cash.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/10/2021 11:18

So he blew a whole week's wages and stole £90 from you in one night. Wtf did he spend it all on? That's more than just booze. So drugs or gambling. How was he expecting to live and get to work until his next pay day? Off you obviously. So he's planned to sponge off you all week.

And HIS friend is warning you off him. Dear god, if that doesn't tell you he's not a good prospect, nothing will.

How long did you know him before he moved in? He's hidden his true self and now he thinks he's got you wrapped round his little finger, he's showing his true self. The self even his friends think is bad news.

Sassypants82 · 23/10/2021 11:19

Ooh this makes me ao mad... I had a boyfriend years ago who was the same. A fucking leech. Thank fuck I never moved in with him, but it didn't stop him guimt tripping me saying he couldn't pay his rent etc but always had money for weed and beer.

I would dump him immediately, get him out and his housing situation is his own responsibility.

honeylulu · 23/10/2021 11:19

He's a cocklodger.
He's a man child.
He's a thief.
He has zero respect for you.
He thinks everything is someone else's fault.
He's a drunk driver.

Take a look at that list. Why on earth do you owe him a moment of worrying about where he's going to go? Bag up his stuff and leave it outside, pronto. He hasn't taken his key? Well that's simple isn't it? He can't get back in. Put a permanent stop on your card and get a new one sent out

Bonbon21 · 23/10/2021 11:19

So because of his stupid behaviour in the past you feel you are responsible for a roof over his head until he gets back on his feet??
You envisage a timeframe for this happening?
Get real.. protect yourself.
EVERYTHING... EVERYTHING that has happened to him has been at his own hand...
Don't let him drag you down.
Get your card back and get rid of him.
He brings no sunshine into your life.

candycane222 · 23/10/2021 11:20

Ugh,he can't rent! So - he'll soon be telling some other poor woman with a nice flat how amazing she is blah blah blah. Sorry.

Chasingsquirrels · 23/10/2021 11:20

Loui98 there hasn't been one reply on this thread saying "actually you sound OTT and your bf sounds okay".
There is a reason for that - he is absolutely not someone you want to waste any more time on.
He is absolutely taking advantage of you.
You can chose to let him continue to do so, or to end it now.
What he does with his life isn't your problem, or for you to solve.
Re-read the thread and replies as if it wasn't your thread.
Think about what you'd say to a friend who told you this.
Don't have him back in your life.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/10/2021 11:20

And he's not able to have a bank account? What the fuck did he do to have that happen? That's either serious bank fraud or laundering drug money. Did you not think that was a massive financial red flag?

Groovee · 23/10/2021 11:22

I'd listen to his friend. He's using you.

Original poster
Loui98 · 23/10/2021 11:23

He spent £90 over the course of three days. I won’t let him back in. There’s no way he will be able to get here anyway as I’m not sure if he’s managed to get the keys back off his friend and even if he did, he has no fuel to get here as I’ve blocked my card.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 23/10/2021 11:25

@Loui98, if you are a kind empathic person then you will struggle with the consequences HE has to absorb. Ultimately you are not helping him as he has to learn that he is responsible for his work/fuel/housing. If by 30 he hasn't learned then I going he isn't going to get it.

It sounds as if he has addictions, gambling, alcohol, drugs?? Just know that you can't cure an addiction through kindness. He has to reach his rock bottom and decide he wants a better life.

From what you have posted he seems to be practiced in taking the victim stance AND manipulation. Those statements about where he slept and not speaking to his friend are designed to change how you think. Don't let him do this to you.

You deserve so much more than a badly behaved man (who no doubt can be charming, funny, kind at times)