Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my bf taking advantage - finances

330 replies

Loui98 · 23/10/2021 04:23

Hi
I have moved in with my Bf. We had an agreement that he would give me £150 a week which would cover his share of rent/bills etc. Initially he was sticking to this but he’s gradually been reducing this, saying he has no money. He commutes and spends a lot on fuel. Yesterday he took my card and I told him to only use it in an emergency (ie if he’s running low on fuel) but I’ve had a look and he’s been spending my card on alcohol and other things and hasn’t come home tonight. He has also lost his phone so I had no way of contacting him so I messaged his friend who confirmed he had been drinking and was still in his city. He gets paid weekly and got paid yesterday and no doubt he will turn up later with some Lame excuse as to why he has no money when It’s been confirmed he’s spent mine and his money on alcohol.
Before he left for work yesterday he promised he would only use my card for fuel so I can’t believe he’s gone and used it for other things. He didn’t pay any rent or contribute towards food last week as he took a few days off work and didn’t get paid. It looks like this week he will contribute nothing either. I have already lent him cash which he’s not paid back. I feel like leaving him but I don’t know if this is OTT as he has previously been giving me money towards rent and bills and although he has been reducing it he will buy food from his own money from time to time…..

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 23/10/2021 08:58

I have moved in with my Bf

Did you move into his house? Or a new house for both? Whose name is it in?

He sounds awful and you need to separate from this parasite today.

oviraptor21 · 23/10/2021 09:02

^^ This. You can't kick him out if it's a joint tenancy.

bogeythefungusman · 23/10/2021 09:07

OP has said house is in her name.

pompomsgalore · 23/10/2021 09:07

Op said it's all in her name.

facelessworrier · 23/10/2021 09:12

Yes he's totally taking the piss.
He's prioritising going out drinking over his rent and other responsibilities.
Cocklodging prick, dump him.

DollyPartBaked · 23/10/2021 09:31

Do the thing that people often suggest on here and imagine your post is a friend asking you for advice. What would you say to your friend?

Aldo he sounds awful. Just get rid!

Topseyt · 23/10/2021 09:39

@Loui98

He’s using contactless. I have cancelled my card ( can do it temporarily if you’ve misplaced the card) but will get it back from him ASAP

I rent my house and it’s in my name.

OP says here that she rentals her house and it is in her name. That would give him no rights and she can kick him out.

I assume that means her sole name although she was a bit unclear by initially saying that she had moved in with her boyfriend. I presume she may have meant to say that she had moved him in with her. She might come back and clarify.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/10/2021 09:39

He is clearly not the person you thought he was. Bin him off now before he starts to further wreck you financially, not just emotionally.

Sparklfairy · 23/10/2021 09:43

He's stealing from you. How can you possibly think to do anything other than kick him out Confused

Brightmagic2021 · 23/10/2021 09:49

What? I can’t believe he’s gone on a bender with your card to pay for it.

End it now but don’t expect to see any of the money he owes you.

RandomMess · 23/10/2021 09:50

Kick him out and get your single person council tax reduction back ASAP you'll be better off!

Original poster
Loui98 · 23/10/2021 09:56

Sorry for the confusion it was late when I posted, he has moved in with me.

He called me this morning from his work and I asked him if he used my card (he doesn’t know it’s been cancelled) and he said I did use it but I get paid so was going to pay you back. On the same phone call I’ve learnt that he’s just blown his weeks wage on whatever it was he was doing last night.

The reason why I thought is it ‘OTT’ is if I kick him out he has nowhere to go. He gave up his own place to live with me, he’s moved city to be with me and he literally doesn’t have anywhere he can go…

OP posts:
Penguinsmum · 23/10/2021 09:57

Don't you deserve better?

MyOtherProfile · 23/10/2021 09:57

It's not your responsibility to worry about where he will live if you kick him out for treating you so badly.

superram · 23/10/2021 10:01

He has got somewhere to go, wherever he was last night! Pack his bags.

Justcashnosweets · 23/10/2021 10:03

I wouldn't be concerned about where he will go if you kick him out, he's been out all night stealing your money!! 😳

Sparklfairy · 23/10/2021 10:04

Well he stayed out all night so clearly he has somewhere he can go...

In any case, why is that your problem? If he thought he'd be out on the street if you split then maybe he should have considered that before stealing from you??

TravelLost · 23/10/2021 10:07

@Loui98

Sorry for the confusion it was late when I posted, he has moved in with me.

He called me this morning from his work and I asked him if he used my card (he doesn’t know it’s been cancelled) and he said I did use it but I get paid so was going to pay you back. On the same phone call I’ve learnt that he’s just blown his weeks wage on whatever it was he was doing last night.

The reason why I thought is it ‘OTT’ is if I kick him out he has nowhere to go. He gave up his own place to live with me, he’s moved city to be with me and he literally doesn’t have anywhere he can go…

He chose to move in with you with all the risks it entails.

He is also choosing to treat you appallingly, blow YOUR money away and rely on you to pay for a roof over his head whilst he is having fun.

That’s not your choice, not anything you have done if he is choosing to blow the relationship with you (because of the way he treats you) and then ends up in the street.

godmum56 · 23/10/2021 10:08

Are you actually serious OP? I mean is the sex stellar or something?

Original poster
Loui98 · 23/10/2021 10:09

Apparently he spent the night on the streets last night. After I contacted his friend asking if he knew where he was, the friend found him and managed to take his car keys off him as he didn’t want him driving home as he looked drunk.

He didn’t use my card during the night as I’d already blocked it by then but he used it during the day and he says with the intention of paying me back. Not that it matters but he did many small transactions yesterday totalling around £30 which isn’t a lot, I know, but in the last three days he’s spent £90 on my card like this. Most of his transactions are cheap beer (and he lies and says energy drinks)

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 23/10/2021 10:10

Don't feel sorry for this disrespectful man. He will use you as long as he can. He is s thief. You need to feel sorry for yourself. What would you say to your bestvfrien if she was with this idiot. Come on...you deserve better.

CrystalMaisie · 23/10/2021 10:11

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

TeaStory · 23/10/2021 10:12

He gave up his own place to live with me, he’s moved city to be with me and he literally doesn’t have anywhere he can go…

He should have thought of that before he started stealing from you.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/10/2021 10:14

Let him stay with family or friends, or possibly present as homeless to get emergency accommodation

DeireadhFomhair · 23/10/2021 10:14

Please don't doubt yourself! Get rid of this waster, who steals your money.