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Original poster

Is my bf taking advantage - finances

330 replies

Loui98 · 23/10/2021 04:23

Hi
I have moved in with my Bf. We had an agreement that he would give me £150 a week which would cover his share of rent/bills etc. Initially he was sticking to this but he’s gradually been reducing this, saying he has no money. He commutes and spends a lot on fuel. Yesterday he took my card and I told him to only use it in an emergency (ie if he’s running low on fuel) but I’ve had a look and he’s been spending my card on alcohol and other things and hasn’t come home tonight. He has also lost his phone so I had no way of contacting him so I messaged his friend who confirmed he had been drinking and was still in his city. He gets paid weekly and got paid yesterday and no doubt he will turn up later with some Lame excuse as to why he has no money when It’s been confirmed he’s spent mine and his money on alcohol.
Before he left for work yesterday he promised he would only use my card for fuel so I can’t believe he’s gone and used it for other things. He didn’t pay any rent or contribute towards food last week as he took a few days off work and didn’t get paid. It looks like this week he will contribute nothing either. I have already lent him cash which he’s not paid back. I feel like leaving him but I don’t know if this is OTT as he has previously been giving me money towards rent and bills and although he has been reducing it he will buy food from his own money from time to time…..

OP posts:
JustKittenAround · 23/10/2021 06:52

His inability to be a provider would put me off right away. Ick! I know we all have our own views and cultures but… this man can’t even manage his own debit card?!? Like … girl what are you doing?!?

He’s taking your money and buying booze with no respect towards you. It’s abusive. This will never get better. People who are users are always that way.

He will guilt you and call you cheap or a miser or mean or whatever. None of that means anything because he is a liar and will try to guilt you into tolerating his poor behavior.

You’re not his mom and you don’t want to be his mom. If he can’t stand in his own two feet then he cannot stand shoulder to shoulder with you.

Trash him.

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2021 07:03

I wouldn't let him back in. It would be the end of the relationship for me.

Bobbins36 · 23/10/2021 07:07

Cancel the card and kick this dirtbag out

ApolloandDaphne · 23/10/2021 07:13

How long have you been living together? I am assuming you could afford your rent before he moved in so could do so again. He doesn't seem to be bringing much to the relationship so it's probably time to say goodbye.

ParmigianoReggiano · 23/10/2021 07:16

Personally I wouldn’t be able to respect a man who behaved like this.

Bananalanacake · 23/10/2021 07:22

How long were you together when he moved in. Was it his idea. This is why I suggest giving a relationship 5 years before living together, more time to work out he's not a cocklodger, lazy, controlling.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/10/2021 07:23

He is stealing from you!

Do not let him reenter the flat
Dump his stuff outside the flat and tell him to fuck off and never darken the door to your flat which you pay for.

Don't be "kind" or "nice".
don't "let him stay to a week to sort himself out".
Kick him out. now. today.

bogeythefungusman · 23/10/2021 07:23

You're obviously up and about early, stressing about his behaviour, whereabouts and thievery. Why not use the time productively and pack his stuff before leaving it on the doorstep.

Come on - you know this will only get worse the longer you permit him to get away with it.

He's unreliable workwise, is shirking his financial responsibilities, would rather go out on the lash than pay his way (and why would he spend his money on rent rather than enjoying himself with his mates when he's got you to pick up the slack) and he's STEALING from you. What a prince among men.

pompomsgalore · 23/10/2021 07:25

Are you scared of him?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/10/2021 07:28

He's stealing from you. Raise your bar for goodness sake.

MyOtherProfile · 23/10/2021 07:29

This is about more than the money. He has no respect for you at all. Time to send him packing.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/10/2021 07:30

By the sounds of it you eithrt have a 2 bed (sublet the second) or a one bed in the south.

Do not stress about the rent.contact the EA and explain the situation.
Also checl your contract Tenancies often have a 6 month break clause so you may be able to end it early. Even if not a frank discussion with EA and owner and they will often come to an agreement and allow you to break anyway and relet. (They dont want another x months of no payments and hassle of court etc. )
My experience is from helping no less than 5 people who i worked with/managed (all in bad relationships in their 20s) through similar(ish) situations.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/10/2021 07:31

Apols for typos trying to type while walking the dog!!

Watchingyou2sleezes · 23/10/2021 07:31

Bin the bum.

OneFootintheRave · 23/10/2021 07:36

"feel like leaving him but I don’t know if this is OTT"

Why, why, why would it be OTT? Why would you doubt yourself? He's stealing from you. Thank god it's your place so you don't have to leave him, tell him to go as it's not working out. Don't be a mug and let him crawl out if this though, he's already crossed a line.

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2021 07:46

The man’s robbing you. Honestly raise your standards and kick him out and end this. How can you even question being with someone who robs you blind and lies to you?

ItsAllComingBackToMe · 23/10/2021 07:49

Over the top! Over the top!

He's not giving you the money you both agreed on and he's taking your bank card and spending your money and he's not coming home.

That's not a relationship. That's you being his Mam. I'm baffled as to why this is good enough for you.

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2021 07:54

@ItsAllComingBackToMe

Over the top! Over the top!

He's not giving you the money you both agreed on and he's taking your bank card and spending your money and he's not coming home.

That's not a relationship. That's you being his Mam. I'm baffled as to why this is good enough for you.

Well I don’t know about your experiences of mother hood but my daughter has never stolen from me.
myheartskippedabeat · 23/10/2021 07:57

@Loui98
Cancel that card and re-order a new one and kick him out

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/10/2021 08:03

He’s blatantly freeloading off you, you need to dump that one.

category12 · 23/10/2021 08:12

Dump him already.

Chloemol · 23/10/2021 08:22

Stop giving him your card. Insist on the money each week. Insist he pays now what he owes
Seriously consider your relationship, he is unlikely to change do you always want to be paying out for him?

Topseyt · 23/10/2021 08:27

Relationship over, surely!

No, you are not being OTT. He is a thief and has no respect for you at all. I'm glad you have frozen your card. Don't unfreeze it until you have got it back and kicked him out

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2021 08:54

I don’t even understand how this is a question, how a man stealing from you and lying to you like this and you need to ask if he is taking advantage?

lmpeachment · 23/10/2021 08:57

Not trying to be pokey here but you shouldn't be subletting to him anyway.
Tell him to go