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Original poster

Dumped, but want him back. Should I reach out?

160 replies

easyonme · 15/10/2021 10:39

A few days ago, my boyfriend dumped me. I am devastated. His reason was that he felt something was missing in our relationship. He’d thought about it a lot but thinks that I am the perfect girlfriend, but not the perfect girlfriend for him.

I am confused, hurt, and shocked. He was the perfect man for me.

I really miss him. I just want a cuddle from him.

I’ve written him a letter explaining how I feel that he’s made a mistake and that we shouldn’t throw away our relationship for an unknown.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 15/10/2021 10:40

Don't do it. He left for a reason.

scoobydoo1971 · 15/10/2021 10:42

Save your dignity. He walked away. You don't know if there is another woman, or other circumstances that made him leave. Block him and give yourself a chance to get over this.

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2021 10:43

A double rejection is going to floor you and that’s what you’re going to get, I’m sorry, don’t do it op

PersonaNonGarter · 15/10/2021 10:44

Don’t OP - he was letting you down gently. You’ll just really wish you hadn’t.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 15/10/2021 10:47

Harsh as it sounds he's dumped you for a reason, he's not going to change his mind because you want him back...he's probably got somebody else lined up already.

Next!

Salayes · 15/10/2021 10:52

Tbh in most instances when someone has broken up with you, particularly for the reason he stated, the worst thing you can do is reach out with a letter or similar. It just reinforces their view that as lovely as you are you’re not what they want and too available to them. It’s a sad fact of life often people want what they can’t have and get too comfortable with what they do have. Him saying essentially that he doesn’t feel you’re right for him is not going to change by you begging and saying not to throw things away. From his perspective he’s opening his world to new and different rather than throwing something away.

The best thing you can do is stop talking to him and focus on recovering. Do you really want someone you have to beg and persuade to be with you? It’s very hard but some time and space away from him would be best right now. Sorry you’re going through this it’s awful.

Dillydollydingdong · 15/10/2021 10:55

The quickest way to get over a heartbreak is to forget/ignore him. And find a new love interest PDQ.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/10/2021 10:55

Don't do it
Begging for someone back is awful and will hurt you even more

BrilloPaddy · 15/10/2021 10:56

Changes are that he's already moved on.......

No man leaves a warm bed for no reason sadly.

maofteens · 15/10/2021 10:58

No no no. You saying he's made a mistake is hardly going to change things. You will get over him. Give yourself time and be busy - reconnect with any friends you've let slide a bit and go out and just enjoy being free.

IndecentCakes · 15/10/2021 10:59

He knows how to contact you if he did change his mind, meanwhile, you need to get on with your own life.
As an aside, I think I'd be a bit wary of someone who used nonsense lines like 'You're the perfect girlfriend but not perfect for me' so it might be for the best.

Love2Luv · 15/10/2021 11:00

He’s more likely to come back if you leave him alone. He might start missing you and wondering what you’re up to. I had an ex who sent me songs and letters and it pushed me further away. Please leave him alone, it’s the best thing, although appreciate it’s very hard.
Talk to friends or family when you want to contact him. Focus on moving on incase he doesn’t come back. You can’t force or convince someone to come back , that’s not how feelings work. You need to focus on your recovery now and not contact him. We’ve all been through it and you will feel better, it just takes time

Mamamamasaurus · 15/10/2021 11:01

Don't do it. Him ignoring you or repeating that he doesn't want a relationship will hurt you more than you already are.

Take time, lick your wounds and grieve, but don't beg him. It never ends well.

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 15/10/2021 11:02

No to the power of infinity Flowers

You can acknowledge your feelings of missing him, mourning the relationship you had. You can take your time healing, it's natural.

But you also have to respect that he ended things. He's put in place a new boundary and if you get in touch with him, you're crossing that boundary which is what he's asked you not to do.

The reasons he gave you weren't very good cliched nonsense in my view and this is possibly why you're feeling like you want to revisit.

Miss him, miss the relationship, be kind to yourself, heal. But don't hurt yourself more by trying to get him back. Flowers Brew

greedygut · 15/10/2021 11:03

Even if you did get him back you would be living on edge wondering when he will walk away next , the dynamics of the relationship will have changed irreparably
Grieve
Move on
Find a much better man
Live your life to the fullest

Andrewthecharminbumwiper · 15/10/2021 11:06

So sorry, its awful when someone ends something good for their own reasons but he's let you down kindly and sounds like he's thought carefully.

Unfortunately chasing will push him further away and it's not for you to say he's made a mistake.

Write the letter if you think it'll help to put down how you feel but definitely do not send it. NC is the answer here. You will be fine.

hugocat · 15/10/2021 11:12

I did this at the tender age of 16, I even had sex with him as I wanted him back. I cried, begged, the lot. It was a harsh lesson but I've been dumped twice later in life from 2 short relationships and the experience at 16 taught me just to walk away. They dumped me and that was that, never spoke or texted again. Finished. Don't do it xx

HollowTalk · 15/10/2021 11:13

Please don't write that letter. Live your best life now and you'll be in a great position to dump him when he comes crawling back!

Lunificent · 15/10/2021 11:18

The letter will do nothing. Put yourself in his shoes. He will open it and read it impassively, might get a slight ego boost, won’t be feeling anything, might think, ‘oh god- I thought I’d finished it, am
I going to have to tell her again?”

TheFoundations · 15/10/2021 11:22

we shouldn’t throw away our relationship for an unknown

There's no 'we'. He's made a decision. Face it and respect it. I know it's not what you want to hear, but disrespecting his decision isn't going to make him want you back, is it? He's told you that the two of you aren't compatible, but that he thinks you'd be perfect for someone else. So he's not blaming you at all.

Just let him go.

FlamesEmbersAshes · 15/10/2021 11:26

God, no. Don’t do it. He obviously wanted to minimise your hurt so went with the ‘you’re perfect but no perfect for me’ line.

If he wanted to be with you then he still would be. As hard as it is, accept his decision gracefully. Whatever you do, do not write to him. At best he’ll think you’re a bit pathetic, at worst completely desperate and needy. Keep your dignity.

DuvetDayIsEveryDay · 15/10/2021 11:29

Don't send the letter. Burn it.

Don't beg to have a man back who has dumped you.

Do this with dignity and then pick yourself back up.

furbabymama87 · 15/10/2021 11:34

Don't write to him or contact him. You'll look back and cringe and it won't change his mind. If he does realise he's made a mistake and changed his mind, that has to come from him and he will have to prove himself to you that he is not going to mess you about again. If he doesn't love you or want to be with you unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make him want to. My advice would be to delete him on all social media and focus on moving forwards with life.

KirstenBlest · 15/10/2021 11:36

He is not the perfect man for you.

Block, go no contact and get emotional support from your friends and family, and if you want to rant or wail, use the heartbreak threads on here,

Cas112 · 15/10/2021 11:39

Write your feelings down and then burn the letter.

If he has ended it you have to accept that and move on. Don't guilt trip him