Dumped, but want him back. Should I reach out?

[easyonme]

A few days ago, my boyfriend dumped me. I am devastated. His reason was that he felt something was missing in our relationship. He’d thought about it a lot but thinks that I am the perfect girlfriend, but not the perfect girlfriend for him.

I am confused, hurt, and shocked. He was the perfect man for me.

I really miss him. I just want a cuddle from him.

I’ve written him a letter explaining how I feel that he’s made a mistake and that we shouldn’t throw away our relationship for an unknown.

Have a lovely time with yr sister. You are wise
Xx

Well done @easyonme you should be really proud of yourself !

Guess who came to talk to me when I was at the gym today. I kept it very short, he asked how I was and how the gig I went to was. Then I wished him a pleasant workout.

I told him I don’t want to see him and he still can’t respect my wishes.

But I still want him

Oh he really is a prize arse isn't he!

Good for you. Keep it up. Ignore him. He's disrespectful and selfish.

He dumped you and hurt your feelings. Bye then! He regrets it? Tough luck.

I'm sorry he's being an arse.

You're doing great. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on

Remember what he's doing - ignoring your wishes. You've told him you didn't want to speak. He doesn't care. It's all about his feelings. Remember that when you're thinking of everything through rose tinted glasses. He doesn't give a shit how you feel.

I know it's hard. Get on with your life and look forward to your holiday with your sister. Where are you off to?! Get prepping outfits, places to go etc.

He is being very very unfair to you and not respecting your need and request for your own space, and some distance to get over the relationship (that he decided he didn't want).
That is selfish and immature.

he’s text me three times this evening with various things. Saying his hospital results were ok, and sending me the link to something we’d long spoken about but he forgot to send.

What is he playing at?

Everytime his name
pops up my heart skips a beat. URGH men.

Oh well not long until I go to Mexico!

He’s definitely going to regret this. Be that in a week or be that in a few years

He might. He might not. You need to get to the point you don’t care. It sounds to me like he preferred the relationship when you were friends and is trying to get back to that. Maybe one day

I hope you’re ignoring him op. May be he’s realising the grass isn’t greener without you. I hope you feel empowered and can see when you’ve backed off he’s become even more interested. Funny that.
It’s very insensitive of him to not give you the space you have repeatedly asked for though
Mexico ! Wow ! How exciting

So disrespectful.

What's he doing? He's making sure you can't move on. It's cruel after you've asked him to leave you alone.

I would at this point block him. I know it's hard. But he's not listening to you or respecting you.

Do what you need to look after yourself. You can't move on if he keeps waving 'remember meeeee' every day.

Besides. Mexico! Amazing. Have a fab time. Have a mojito for me

You're handling all of this brilliantly.

It was his decision to end the relationship, not yours. Doesn't he realise it caused you hurt? He can't have it all his way. He should have enough respect not to continuously reach out to you after he ended things. As harsh as this sounds, he didn't want it all when he had it. Now he hasn't got it he's realising. Sending you links to something he didn't bother to do when you were there as his gf. He should've valued you when you were together and not taken things for granted. Don't let him worm his way in or take up any more of your head space.
Have a great time in Mexico.

The other side of this is: people make mistakes. You are being fabulous and you keep being fabulous. He is figuring out that the grass isn't greener.

A similar thing happened to an ex colleague. Dumped by her longterm boyfriend because he felt like he was missing out on something - they met at 18 and by early twenties he was getting itchy feet. She was devastated but got on with living her best life including heading off overseas. Within a matter of months he had his 'WTF have I done?' epiphany and begged for another chance. She gave him another chance and they are very happily married with a brood of children.

Do what you need to do to put distance between you but don't feel like you have to permanently slam the door on him. But absolutely focus on yourself and let him miss you.

You'll go far @easyonme ☺️

Oh and 'what is he playing at' is that you are now a huge challenge to him.

You're making him see your value.

I had this.

Got dumped and took him at his word. Oddly enough, then he wanted me back because I wasnt begging which I think he thought I would do.

He was taking me for granted and assumed he could keep doing that, probably I (and you) would have been the fall back when nothing better was happening. And when I removed myself by accepting his decision with dignity, suddenly he wanted me more than anyone else.

Ah well. Be careful what you wish for mate!

This behaviour is the cornerstone of books like "Why Men Love Bitches" and "The Rules". Not popular on MN but the simple fact is that if you dont fall over yourself for them then they want you more....sad but true.

I messaged back saying basically don’t contact me I don’t want to see you again….He texted me again saying he understands why I want to go no contact.

And yet he feels entitled to stomp all over your boundaries by messaging, approaching you at the gym, and sending his flying monkeys. He broke up, but can’t handle your drawing a big red line in the aftermath.

He thought you would surely massage his ego by either pick-me-dancing or lapping up any crumbs he threw your way.

Agree with others that it’s time to block. He’s treating you with great disrespect, and gets a buzz just knowing you’re reading his chat.

Well done OP, you are handling yourself with dignity and by doing what you're doing, you've raised your value.

Much of the advice is given from people who have been where you are and did it wrong but learned from it. Take this self care and attitude into your next relationship. Self love and knowing your worth will give you the best relationships in the future.

Stay strong, you deserve better

Just leave it at that now. No point in any more contact. The reason he gave for ending it, was probably not the real reason, which you may not have liked anyway.

Yes I completely blanked the messages, even though the link was helpful to be fair. I keep going from one mind of f*ck him, I can do better, to oh I miss him:(

And the bad news about my trip, is that work has meant I may have to fly home after one week rather than two. But it will be good to get out!

I got asked for a coffee yesterday (and went) by someone. I thought what the heck. Very nice guy and clearly into me, but it feels weird.

I've decided I'm not going to reply to the texts until after my holiday. Depending on how I feel then, I may ask to meet up to hand stuff over and see how we feel.

I agree, funny how he may be showing a slight interest once I ignore him and he's realised he's lost me.

Remember when Prince William dumped Kate and then she went out loads and got papped looking hot. He soon ran back to her !

Don't do it. How would you feel if this was the reverse? Don't pester him. He has his reasons. In my experience it's very hard to save a relationship long term post a split anyway, even if you both want to try

@Hulahoopla lol. Dont know if thats the best example. The nickname she got spending her youth running after him will follow her to her grave.

I always felt that "Waity Katy" was unfair. She moved on, just not with anyone important enough to be papped!

How about "Beggin' BIll" for him when he was desperate to get her back?!

I come to you with no judgment only my experience of being a pick me for fat too long.

Stop asking after him to your friends. Stop checking up on him from your friends. Please.

I’m literally begging you to not contact or speak about him or to him for at least a month.

He can’t miss you if he has any access to you. Stop letting him get the ego lifts from you. Take it away. There are consequences to dumpling you, and losing the ability to access you is one.

I know it’s hard to see now… oh my, I cannot even stress this enough I KNOW… but if he really has true feelings for you he will have them after a month. You decrease your value with every interaction with him. Every text.

At best you’ll be downgraded to an option. Why? Because you lose value when you don’t demand value.

I know I sound kind a crazy woman on the Internet but every day you don’t reply. Every day you don’t ask about him… is his punishment for tossing you aside.

You have to TRULY lose something to feel the loss.

(Yes there is the odd person this works out for. But I’m here to tell you that is really rare and I am only on this forum because I want to help anyone not make the mistakes I did)