Sexless marriage thread anyone want to join

[whyamidoingthisamimad]

We have it so infrequently I'm constantly wanting to divorce but I feel awful to disrupt the family. I've talked to him multiple times. Please can anyone help me how to navigate this as its highly unlikely to change

@Justjamys I was reading your other thread. I can see how you were taken aback by what you found. I think you're approaching this with a good positive attitude, so I think you two have a good chance of getting things back on track.

I may have been in a similar situation to your husband in terms of libido difference. My impression was that my wife would still like to be intimate together but that she kept managing to pile so many other things onto her plate - work stuff, kid stuff, house stuff, planning trips and so on. Then at the end of the day she would have very little leisure time and would be very tired. We had generally aimed for 50/50 with kid-watching and house tasks, but I decided to see what would happen if I took on much more than half (especially with the kids) to give her more spare time and energy. It seemed to help her in lots of ways, including giving her more enthusiasm for spending intimate time with me.

Do you think your libido might increase if your husband took on some extra tasks? He might be happy to do so, particularly if he thought that it might help in this area. You might say "I would really like to have more time and energy for intimacy. Do you think perhaps you could take on a bit more of xyz so that I have more time, and I can spend some of that time with you?" (I don't know whether that sounds too transactional - I may not have phrased it well!)

@Butterfly44 Do you think your partner would be willing to talk about these things at all? I'm guessing that might not be such a likely scenario if this has continued for so many years. Sorry to hear that you're going through this too.

Thanks @MoonbeamsGlittering

There have been times when he's not pulled his weight, but on the whole he's pretty good considering how much work he does. I mean, compared to some of the posts I read on here, he's light years ahead.

When there is a need to pitch in he does - so there's no lingering resentment from me on the chores side of things. Could he do more? Probably. And would if I asked. Not sure it's the underlying reason for my libido though.

I think there's a physical side to it, maybe a little peri perhaps, but more than anything its like I've just forgotten how to be... sexy, I guess.

I can remember a time when I was. Recognise I can be, but... I don't know. I feel like I've lost the ability to just 'turn it on' with a click of my fingers.

After reading the stuff he wrote, oddly that has helped stir something in me. Some of it was rather nicely written actually, which also surprised me, in a nice way.

I am determined to act on it. I have a week of planning before Jubilee to get myself in the mood.

He's given me plenty of instructions anyway, albeit unknowingly. 😅

Hi, I've name changed for this post.We have had problems for a few years, my DH has been reluctant to get checked out but has now started this process. Bit of background, we have two DS's, teen and pre-teen, nothing outstanding but they are both quite strong willed, quite a lot of tension at home. My DH lost his Mum a few years ago (probably was the start of the problem), my DD is elderly, there's been a lot of background trouble, we haven't really had any support from family whilst our kids have been growing up, partly cause of distance, partly for other reasons. DH works shifts, I am self-employed to fit around the kids/dog/periodically having my Dad to stay, I am quite a low earner, despite doing courses and trying to get other income streams off the ground. I am also peri menopausal, on HRT.

DH agreed to talk to the nurse at our GPs (I have wanted him to for the last 2 years, he has been reluctant and scared). Should say at this stage that I'm confident he hasn't cheated on me, I've asked him several times. He has had some issues with blood pressure but its getting better, and is a bit overweight, but carries it well and is pretty fit. Things came to a head and we had a row today, (should also say that all four of us have been ill with a lurgy (not covid) over the past two weeks, DH has now got it. He shouted at our eldest Son for something and things escalated, he had done a job in the house which whilst it needed doing, I felt was a bit unnecessary today with him being unwell. Sometimes feel that I do all the drugey stuff cause I work less and that it doesn't get noticed and I felt as if he expected lots of praise. I was wrong. Things escalated and I ended up telling him that I was bored to death of him. Very wrong of me I know, but what I meant was bored to death of druggery, arguments between our DS's, a never ending to do list etc. We get out togetther occasionally now our DS's are old enough to be left for a bit. I've apologised profusely, I know I was out of order. He has today told me that he spoke to the GP following on from his nurse visit and the GP has booked him in for a blood test to check out his prostate. It seems that this could be the cause of the sex problems. Feel awful and worried. I'm thinking the worst (lot of bad experiences of family illness and sudden family/friend death, including my Mum dying of leukemia when I was 27). Obviously I'm not vocalising my fears to DH, that would be very unfair and I have been a complete bitch today. Just wondering if prostate issues had been the cause of sex problems for anyone else.