Page 21 | Sexless marriage thread anyone want to join

whyamidoingthisamimad · 2021-10-14T14:55:48+00:00

We have it so infrequently I'm constantly wanting to divorce but I feel awful to disrupt the family. I've talked to him multiple times. Please can anyone help me how to navigate this as its highly unlikely to change

Queenofbloodysheba · 19/01/2022 15:58

Wow all of this resonates so much. Separate rooms for the last three years, I'm hardly going to listen to him snore and lump about all night if we don't have sex. That said prior to separate rooms it was only once a year on holiday and always not worth the fucking hype.... I'm 57 now have done the affairs, illicit meetings because I don't have the courage to set up on my own. Looking after my mother for one. I once read would you like your daughter to have your relationship...... Enough said ladies.x

Queenofbloodysheba · 19/01/2022 16:14

And yes it goes without saying I'm eaten up with despair resentment and a burning rage.... If your younger please do it, get out..

Pky45 · 19/01/2022 16:21

@Tailsyflugbun

I generally thought Men are ‘eager’ to have sex , I’m my experience( which is not extensive), and woman are normally “willing”. However reading all 20 or pages of this thread has made me rethink that

But your earlier comment about speaking to her is worth reviewing, as we did both say we would try harder, and I’m keeping up my end (no pun intended), but she is not, but again after reading this thread it sounds like people in the same position have had lots of chats and nothing has changed, so I don’t really hold out much hope.

The other thing that has left me amazed after reading this thread, is the number of posters, (who I assume are women), saying their male partners don’t want to have sex, if my wife ever suggested it again, I’d be up the stairs in a flash !

understandabl · 19/01/2022 16:38

This has cheered me up no end!! 🤣🤣

Pky45 · 19/01/2022 17:19

@understandabl
Excellent 👍🏼

NineteenSeventy2 · 19/01/2022 19:36

@AK1975

Do you still love her?

Life is too short

Tailsyflugbun · 19/01/2022 19:47

I agree life is too short. My experience is different to the one under discussion but the underlying principles are the same. If something makes you unhappy and you feel you've taken all reasonable steps to solve the problem, you are under no obligation to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others. If someone has gone back on their marriage vows or made a unilateral decision to change the terms of the 'contract' they previously made with you, then you have every right to make your own unilateral decision.

AK1975 · 19/01/2022 20:47

NineteenSeventy2

Option 1 or 2 is favourable to me.

Option 2 will never happen, even more so with me contracting a bad skin condition.
No woman would want to come near me now.

Option 3 I will never do as I don't want to be a weekend dad in a bedsit, and my home is my castle of sanctuary.

So I guess it is Option 1.
Quit whining, suck it up, so to speak, and live with it until I end up six feet under.

I am going to use all my pent up frustration on getting fit, losing weight, and regaining my toned body.
Not that anybody would be making use of it!

AK1975 · 19/01/2022 20:49

NineteenSeventy2

Sorry, I forgot to answer.
I do still love her, but it is more of a comfortable love.

Shunter350 · 19/01/2022 20:55

The lack of sex ( which I associate with mental affection and connection) was a huge problem for me. It wasn't the only issue but for me to be shunned over many years was debilitating and confidence sapping.
I'm now in my own, rebuilding my self esteem and enjoying a very warm, intimate relationship with a lovely lady.
It's wonderful tbh. I never knew how much true intimacy can enhance one's life.

19Bears · 19/01/2022 22:56

Another post of hope from you @Shunter350 !!! Sounds amazing to have found the joy of intimacy after being starved of it for so long 😀

Pky45 · 23/01/2022 23:11

How’s everyone doing on this thread, anyone got any action recently, I tried last night ( first time this year), and was promptly shut down, any one getting any, or even had their arse felt recently?

AverageGuy · 24/01/2022 09:33

@Pky45 - I think the silence unfortunately speaks for itself.... But I would like to think there is hope...

ReeceWitherfork · 24/01/2022 16:53

I’m sadly in the same boat as all you lovely people. No action for 4- 5 years and barely anything for the 5 years before that. We don’t even talk about it now, it’s just the elephant in the room. I don’t think I can stay like this much longer but it’s so hard when thinking of children and what splitting up the family will do to them.

Pky45 · 24/01/2022 19:07

@ReeceWitherfork
Sorry to hear that, all sounds pretty crap in your neck of the woods,
I’m not keeping score but I had sex twice last year, so far nothing this year, but there are a few less days to be disappointed, so small mercies

TheBoreOfHabilon · 24/01/2022 19:17

Husbands of wives who have withdrawn from sex - does she feel loved, generally?
Hate to ruin the romance, but also - when women have chronic thrush, sex loses its appeal virtually 100%. It feels raw, sore, itchy and prickly. Might want to check that out somehow. Just saying!

friedpickles · 24/01/2022 21:08

Reminds me of that Del Amitre song "nothing ever happens", no luck here, ED issues is our problem apparently, but he had some new pills to try in October and he has tried one since then and that didn't work, it doesn't seem to bother him whatsoever....

TheComptonEffect · 25/01/2022 17:48

This thread really reasonates with me. I love my husband and I'm sure he loves me but the deep feeling of being unfulfilled and undesirable to him is wearing me down. We only have sex every few months and now issues with ED which he won't acknowledge are becoming an issue on top of a low libedo. Any advice on this. I feel this resentment pricking at me every so often. I wish he would put our relationship and my happiness before his pride in seeking help. How do I encourage in a nonconfrontational way?

Pky45 · 25/01/2022 18:41

@TheBoreOfHabilon
Husbands of wives who have withdrawn from sex - does she feel loved, generally?

I think that’s a bit of loaded question, it’s hard to love someone who unilaterally removed sex from the relationship.

ThackeryBinks · 25/01/2022 19:04

Having been in a terrible sexless relationship (16 long years) that sapped my soul I have to say the other side of it is brilliant. I've met a beautiful man who makes me happy. However if DP and I stop being fantastic I'll leave. I would never let myself get in that place again. I've learnt that it's important to have loyalty to myself. I deserve to be happy!

Pky45 · 25/01/2022 20:15

@TheComptonEffect

This thread really reasonates with me. I love my husband and I'm sure he loves me but the deep feeling of being unfulfilled and undesirable to him is wearing me down. We only have sex every few months and now issues with ED which he won't acknowledge are becoming an issue on top of a low libedo. Any advice on this. I feel this resentment pricking at me every so often. I wish he would put our relationship and my happiness before his pride in seeking help. How do I encourage in a nonconfrontational way?

If you do find a way, please share as my wife has gone through menopause and now has no libido or interest in sex, I wish she would go and seek some help about this, if anyone knows please share

AverageGuy · 26/01/2022 10:20

I'm stunned by the amount of men with potential / real ED issues that do nothing about it... Viagra is available over the counter now, so no need to visit the doctor (although I'd highly recommend that they do - there might be other issues causing ED).

Maybe it's the potential embarrassment of buying it?

Loss of libido in / after menopause is common. HRT can and does help, but it can take time to find the right HRT.

With either of the above, the person in question has to want to continue having sex. If that drive (and I don't necessarily mean libido here), isn't there, then the person won't see not having sex as an issue.

My advise to everyone is, if you haven't done so already, to get your partner alone, and have a long, open and honest talk with them.

Let them know how lack of intimacy is making you feel, and ask them how they feel - listen to them. Ask if they would consider couples counselling. If you can't exist without intimacy (and I know I couldn't any longer) maybe ask if they would consider an open marriage.

If none of that works, then I think you have to decide if you can carry on living in passionless, sexless, intimacy-less relationship for the rest of your life.

Pky45 · 01/02/2022 07:26

Not sure if anyone is still following this thread, but I managed to have some last night, not brilliant, but we both had orgasms and cuddled up afterwards, it was nice to connect again, 1st time this year

MoonbeamsGlittering · 01/02/2022 19:42

@Pky45

Not sure if anyone is still following this thread, but I managed to have some last night, not brilliant, but we both had orgasms and cuddled up afterwards, it was nice to connect again, 1st time this year

Congrats! I think you were talking about heading towards divorce before - do you feel different after reconnecting?

I was on this thread much earlier on. Things have been better for me recently. I was lucky that my wife was willing (after some time) to talk things through together and try to figure some things out. Communication is so helpful. It sounds brutally hard to have a relationship where communication has shut down as well as other things.

Pky45 · 01/02/2022 20:54

@MoonbeamsGlittering
We have been talking a lot to try and get the into a better place, I think we in a slightly better place now, and I think that actually having sex has helped, will have to see how things go, I’m still not really convinced we won’t separate, but certainly in better headspace