I did a thing. Was it bad?

[turnabouttime]

Okaaaaay so, I did something kind of big and I'm now watching the repercussions kind of feeling guilty, kind of not and honestly? Kind of fascinated. So I found out someone I knew was cheating on his gf. So I sent an anonymous letter to the gf outlining the betrayal. She's gone ballistic and dumped him. She is really upset. He has blamed the OW for blabbing. He is freaking out as he promotes himself as having very highly morals and never cheating. She and he are mid 20s. OW is early 30s. Was I evil?

[Onlinedilema]

You did the right thing.

[Mydogmylife]

Not how I would have dealt with it but it's done now. Don't get too happy with yourself and start making a habit of interfering in other folks life's though , the enjoyment side of it you're showing is really quite unpleasant

[FanGirlX]

A friend of mine received an anonymous letter saying the same about her then DP. We advised her to not show him but to keep an eye out for evidence. She decided to tell him and gave him the opportunity to hide evidence. 6 months later she came home early from a trip and found the OW in the bedroom and him in the shower.

She still has no idea who sent it and neither do I. It has struck me that if I ever knew someone had cheated I would probably also send an anonymous letter to their partner. Having been cheated on myself and been very suspicious for the months leading up to the break up (I didn't find out he had cheated until a good 6 months after the break up), I would have loved a letter to demonstrate that I wasn't going "psycho" with my suspicions. He was secretive so I never had any concrete evidence at the time but he was almost dropping hints that he was having an affair, like he was deliberately taunting me but wanted to break up with me and move on without too much hassle. I also think he was starting a relationship with the new one, while keeping me on the back burner in case things didn't work out with the new one. I'd send it anonymously as I wouldn't want to be dragged into the crossfire.

I think you did the right thing.

Watching it unfold and being fascinated isn't as bad as some on here would have you believe. I think it's human nature to watch other people's drama unfold. Given you lit the flames, you have put yourself into the drama in a funny kind of way but as an invisible observer, so I can see why you are watching with fascination.

[Helpimfalling]

@thistimelastweek

Never ever say something you can't put your name to.

Thank you I really like that I'm going to pass that on to my kids

It's a good notion to go by wise one

[cheshirebloke]

If I was being cheated on, and people around us knew, I'd prefer that they told me (anonymously or not) rather than keep it to/gossip amongst themselves.

But at the same time, if I was the person on the outside looking in, in most cases I'd probably keep out of it and mind my own business.

I've got a few friends that are rather promiscuous, and I've found myself acting as 'cock block' when they've been drunkenly trying to pull someone. I'm also friends with their partners and have debated telling them, but always decided against it.

[SillyDoriswithaDangler]

I think so many of the people posting on this thread would rather live in blissful ignorance than know the truth and take control of the lives. You did the right thing OP.

[Jimmyshoes]

I think you did the right thing op because I would want to know myself whilst going about my life not knowing dh is screwing with someone else. Cheating is very hurtful and I would want to know. I think the cuntiest thing is that these two people have betrayed this woman behind her back and it's not you that has exposed this. I think you took joy from this because you know these two losers have got caught and are no longer fooling this poor woman.

[Hopingforabagofbuttons]

I actually dont think you did a bad thing. The guy who made out he had high moral standards but was actually a cheat has been outed. The OW has been blamed, she’s the OW, that’s the price you pay for fucking around in someone else’s relationships. The GF has found her partner is a hypocritical liar and a cheat. A good all round result
Ideally it would have been better to speak to the gf in person, but I dont know the whole circumstances, so maybe there was a reason you didn’t want to.

[Lucycantdance]

Fair play. If I was being cheated on I’d want to know about it

[Hawkins001]

For all that suggest putting a name to it, why ?

[Obsidiansphere]

I’m in the ‘you did the right thing’ camp.

[NCBlossom]

I’m glad you did, and I don’t care if you were revelling (bit dark though… ) as the action was a good one and you saved his GF from a massive betrayal.

Been cheated on whilst pregnant and married. If someone had told me, I would have forever thanked them. The thought now of always being in the dark really chills me. I would have blamed myself for our break up. Now I know he was always a horrible person to me!

[TedMullins]

You did the right thing. He deserves the fallout, and I can see why you did it anonymously. I’d have done the same - and would want to know if I was the gf, I wouldn’t care how I found out tbh. I’d also be enjoying the schadenfreude. I don’t believe anyone who says they wouldn’t, not even a little bit.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It was the right thing. But you did it for the wrong reasons. It's like people who slaver at the thought of punishing offenders. Trying to hide their sadism behind the moral cloak of respectability.

What you wanted wasn't for the GF to be OK. You wanted the man to suffer and your 'friend' to be blamed. And to enjoy their pain. That makes you a mean person. They may also be. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[NCBlossom]

Also really not sure why you owe OW anything, who was also doing a bad thing.

Bf - doing a bad thing
OW - doing a bad thing
Gf - innocent and now has full facts to make her own choice
OP - exposed the truth. That’s it. Not a bad thing.

[Figgyboa]

Yeah, pretty evil. It's none of your business and you have no party to the relationships.

[NCBlossom]

It became the OPs business as soon as she found out. Which is having the knowledge that a woman was being cheated on, but the woman not having that knowledge.

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t tell the GF in these circumstances? Have people no compassion? Being cheated on is an abusive act of trust.

[USA19891]

If it was me I would want to know if my husband was doing something dodgy, especially having an affair. Somehow, someway it usually comes out in the end. I think you did the right thing and unfortunately if you hadn’t done it anonymously she probably wouldn’t have believed you, or she might have taken it out on you, or thought that you were jealous.

[Summersnake]

If it was my husband, ..I would much rather know ,even by anonymous letter ,than not know

[5zeds]

Since you don’t like any of them that much, how would you feel if they found out it was you?

[VirgilStarkwell]

You did a good thing.

It’s the cheater who’s being cunty.

[DameMaureen]

I'm wondering how you know so much about the fallout if you don't know the gf and only know the OW slightly ?

[TatianaBis]

Of course you did the right thing OP.

I knew what kind of replies you’d get when you had the self awareness and honesty to admit to being interested by the fall out.

[Dontgetyerknicksinatwist]

You did the right thing. The gf has a right to know. Let the cheaters suffer the fallout from their selfish actions.