Gay porn wwyd

[Earmuffsweather]

If you found out your partner of 10+ years had been watching gay porn ie men on men

[quote Earmuffsweather]@youvegottenminuteslynn it’s because the firsr time i asked my son he said it was on there already then later he lied and blamed a friend saying so & so told him to serch it
Then he changed his story again and said it was on the ipad when he went on it[/quote]
I think you've made that bit up.

@gannett

I think there is more focus on the child accidentally seeing the porn because that it the biggest issue. The son is the person who will need some help here. Not the father. It's not down to OP to fix her DH homophobic views ffs. That's ridiculous. He is a grown assed adult acting like a prick, that is on him and not OP responsibility.

It is OP's responsibility because her husband's homophobic views will potentially damage his son even more than glimpsing some porn. That IS prioritising her child's needs.

By "sorting out" I don't mean she has to fix them, I mean she has to confront them and consider it a red line, and leave her husband for them.

Of course it's not OPs responsibility to 'fix' this pricks homophobia. It's her responsibility to protect her son. These things are absolutely not one and the same. Fuck that shit.

Of course it's not OPs responsibility to 'fix' this pricks homophobia. It's her responsibility to protect her son. These things are absolutely not one and the same. Fuck that shit.

Are you reading what I'm saying?

Protecting her son means dealing with her husband's homophobia. By leaving him if necessary.

Her husband's homophobia is more of a danger to her son than a glimpse of gay porn.

@gannett

Are you reading what I'm saying?

Yes, I agreed with you after an initial misunderstanding.

@mylovelydd thank youx

@TheVolturi of course ive not made it up
My son has changed his story a few times now
I need to know if he’s lying or not first
He said it was on there then he said a friend in school told him to go on the website then he laughed and his his face I just want to get to the bottom of it dont need people saying im lying like ive got nothing better to do in between school runs, work, looking after kids& pets why would i lie to strangers on the internet?
i need advice im too embarrassed to speak to anyone in rl

I feel like your partner has asked your son to lie for him. Things just aren’t adding up. When you first started posting you said you believed your son. Did you ask your partner if he’d put parental controls on the iPad? How is he reacting when you talk to him about it? Do you think your son would know how to delete the search history? Where did you find the iPad?

I worry that maybe your OH feeds ds what to say and that is why the story changes?

Can you take ds to your laptop or your own ipad or iphone and ask him to delete the search history. Then you would know if he could have done it with his ipad?

I really sorry that you are going through this.

I believed my son at first until he changed his story thats why
I will ask him that later, he is good on the iPad though

@Earmuffsweather

I believed my son at first until he changed his story thats why I will ask him that later, he is good on the iPad though

Are you only quizzing your son or are you going to pull up your husband at any point?

[quote Earmuffsweather]@PinotPony i found the ipad and search history has been deleted arghh….[/quote]
Well I highly doubt a 8 year old would have the wherewithal to delete the browsing history. That's your answer then.

If the porn on the child's device wasn't bad enough, your DH is actively deflecting the blame into his son. That's unforgivable in my eyes.

@Cheesecake53

I worry that maybe your OH feeds ds what to say and that is why the story changes?

Can you take ds to your laptop or your own ipad or iphone and ask him to delete the search history. Then you would know if he could have done it with his ipad?

I really sorry that you are going through this.

This is a good idea. Rather than questioning him, simply ask him to show you how to delete the history. If he can't, you know it was DH.

I agree with PP that you need to be talking to your DH more about this. It seems he's denied it, so now all the focus is on DS instead. Don't let him off the hook that easily!

I asked oh (not married)
He got a bit angry and called me for accusing him of watching men
He asked then name of the website and said no i dont use that one

I'd assume he is sexually attracted to men (obviously) and perhaps he'd like to act upon it (if he hasn't already). I couldn't be with a man who likes naked men.

Lets just give your DH the benefit of the doubt for a minute......If your DH is so sure it is not him and indeed your son, what has he done to address this? I assume DH is your son's father. Has he discussed with your son that it's innappropriate for an 8 year old to look at those websites? Has he set up extra parental controls? Has he got cross? Has he discussed your child searching for porn at 8 years old with you? That should give you a clearer answer as to who done this.

If my DH honestly believed that any of our young DC had looked at websites like that, there would be serious discussions being had about internet safety with both myself, and our children.

^^ That's a good point. Has your h said anything to your son about looking for porn? Most parents would be considering a screen ban for a while or only allow kids to use a very public method like the living room TV

I suspect that either your h deleted the history or he asked your son to cover for him and maybe it was your son who deleted the history after his Dad asked him to.

The idea to ask your son to delete your browsing history is good.

Have you checked to see if the browser on his iPad has been changed to private browsing /incognito mode? That's a way of surfing without leaving a history.

Has your son named the friend and website that he was told to look up ? The most popular way to look for porn would be to start on a page like pornhub which hosts a variety rather than know a specific website to start with.

@Earmuffsweather

I believed my son at first until he changed his story thats why I will ask him that later, he is good on the iPad though

Stop asking your son ffs.

It's clearly your OH. He's not upset that you accused him of watching porn on your sons tablet. He even asked which website. This suggests he's used it for porn in the past.
He's only upset you accused him of watching gay porn. Why would he get angry?

@Earmuffsweather

I asked oh (not married) He got a bit angry and called me for accusing him of watching men He asked then name of the website and said no i dont use that one

Saying he doesn't use that one implies that he uses others.

Yes
Then he said it was probably me watching the fay porn

My 8yo can delete the browsing history on the ipad. He does it so I can't find out how long has has been watching crappy youtube videos about minecraft (not porn) he learnt how from a youtube video after I showed him how you're browsing history brings up all the sites visited.

OP do you have any idea how serious it is that your child ended up seeing porn? Do you realise it is classed as sexual abuse?

You've exposed your child to sexual abuse and you're more worried about your husband's dodgy habits.

@primrosee i am aware
I just cant be 100 my child did not google it himself

[quote Earmuffsweather]@primrosee i am aware
I just cant be 100 my child did not google it himself[/quote]
Who searched for it 8 years ago?
Where was the tablet hidden?

[quote Earmuffsweather]@primrosee i am aware
I just cant be 100 my child did not google it himself[/quote]
At some point you'll need to take a bit of an educated guess at this.

Sure, maybe there's a minuscule chance that your 8yo deactivated the parental control AND searched for gay porn AND hid the laptop AND erased his browsing history.

OR perhaps it's your partner who already searched for gay porn 8 years ago, makes anti-gay comments and has issues with same-sex attraction, and seems more concerned about blaming everyone else for the gay porn rather than protecting his son?

And yet again, because you seem determined to ignore this, what are you going to do about your partner's anti-gay comments? Are you going to tell him they're unacceptable? Or are you OK with them?

So not only has he blamed his eight year old son... he's now blaming you?! Blaming YOU to your face when both of you know it wasn't you?!

Why are you with such an idiot? A homophobic one at that.

Good point from a PP - when DH said it must have been DS, what did he do about it? Did he have a chat with DS? Add parental controls? Say hello felt terrible that neither of you ensured safe search etc was on? Talk to you about how it might have come about, where your son heard about this stuff?

Or did he say it was DS, have a strop and leave you to deal with it?

The latter I assume.