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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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289 replies

Earmuffsweather · 13/10/2021 15:46

If you found out your partner of 10+ years had been watching gay porn ie men on men

OP posts:
EarthSight · 16/10/2021 22:22

I've read the rest of your posts. In this situation it might be worth seeing if there are private digital forensic services in your area. Deleting your internet history is nothing - professionals can easily dig that up and maybe do a further search on similar items.

If your husband agrees to it, make sure you pay for it yourself and only you will be able to access whatever they find. I'm not familiar with this area so please be careful and don't approach anyone online to do it which could be very risky.

EarthSight · 16/10/2021 22:28

[quote Dandy0911]@EarthSight I totally agree.

I would be absolutely MORTIFIED if my little girl was exposed to porn, especially on HER device.

It would be bags packed and off you go out the door for me.

The OP is glossing over her poor son. [/quote]
@Dandy0911 There are so many idiotic parents out there who let their children have their own phones & tablets with open access to the internet. It was different with boomer parents, but there are no excuses with Millennial parents in particular. We know exactly what's online and how easy it is to find it.

EarthSight · 16/10/2021 22:30

@Earmuffsweather

Thanks guys for checking in Im ok just trying to get my head around it Im not quizzing my son anymore i want him to forget about it. I found video history and it shows some stuff but theres no dates to it?
I found video history and it shows some stuff but theres no dates to it?

Which browser are you on? Make sure the tablet is always with you and hide it if necessary.

Name99 · 17/10/2021 01:23

Hes attempting to continue to gaslight you.
Please see this for exactly as it is.
Does he have form for this not only over porn usage?

MsDogLady · 17/10/2021 06:53

An atrocity has occurred in your home. Your shock is understandable, but you cannot afford to passively turn away and bury it. Your irresponsible, lying, manipulative Partner abused DS by exposing him to pornography, and he is trying to cover it up.

I think DS changed his story because your repeated questioning suggested to him that his truthful answers did not suit you, so he was embarrassed and deflected elsewhere. It is also possible, as others have surmised, that P has been whispering in his ear.

Although it was crucial that you examined the iPad asap, you left it where P was able to take it and delete the evidence. Please secure the device and take it to a computer shop yourself. If P removes it from the house, he will sabotage any further investigation.

P portrays himself as a vocal homophobe. Yet when his young son viewed male sex, “he wasn’t overly concerned and said he’s bound to see stuff with technology these days but he would put a filter on it.” P downplayed this serious violation of DS because he is responsible and wants you to back off. That is why he is now accusing you of causing drama by searching the videos. He is manipulating you.

What were the videos of, OP?

You want DS “to forget about it,” but that is dangerous thinking. He won’t forget what he saw and does not have the emotional tools to deal with it. There is a reason this is called abuse. Please seek professional support for him.

Your P’s actions harmed your little boy. You must decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. It would be for me. Flowers

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 17/10/2021 14:11

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PeoplePleaserBe · 17/10/2021 22:37

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/our-services/

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MissNothing1991 · 18/10/2021 17:33

Well, are you staying with the liar or leaving him?

PeoplePleaserBe · 19/10/2021 08:30

I think this might be a classic case of ‘No answer is your answer’.

Hopefully OP will wake up & smell the coffee before it’s too late.

Thisthatandtheotherthing · 19/10/2021 09:38

Thus may help: if this was on Google chrome on the ipad, go on it and search "my activity". This will display what has been searched even if the browsing history has been deleted.

LJenn · 20/10/2021 16:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnarkyMilarky · 21/10/2021 03:00

OP, Did you end up taking the iPad to get looked at?

Mamaofaboy · 23/10/2021 19:23

How has this week gone OP?

AwesomeMom344 · 01/01/2022 10:36

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