Gay porn wwyd

[Earmuffsweather]

If you found out your partner of 10+ years had been watching gay porn ie men on men

[quote Earmuffsweather]@sapo2000 thanks for reply im sorry that happened to you its awful. Did you have children? You don’t mention them.
Was your partner anti gay or make out he hated gays? Mine does.[/quote]
We did not have children. We barely had any sexual life. We dated for about 7 years and we were married for about 2 years. He started his affair the same month we got married. I know a few cases of married men with children who came out after 20 years of marriage.
Being anti-gay is a huge red flag. That best friend of mine i mentioned was a bit anti-gay before he came out. My ex-husband wasn't 100% anti-gay as our best friends were all gay and he used to see them as fragile, unstable and immature human beings as opposed to him who supposedly always made the 'right' choices. I wish you all the luck. The years I spent with him lower my self-esteem in all fronts. This happened 11 years ago and the best part of my life was yet to come.

@Earmuffsweather

Hes not admitted it was him he’s saying our son must have clicked on it

You can’t click on something that’s not there. It can’t be there because you have all your internet settings to parental control/child safety. Don’t you?

@Earmuffsweather

Hes not admitted it was him he’s saying our son must have clicked on it

He's lying. Of course he's not going to admit it. He knows how wrong it is. Are you going to take his word for it? Why would porn show up on an 8 year old's device? I never get porn popping up on my devices - because I have never looked for it. The fact that he is gaslighting you and blaming your child is awful. You can't seriously accept this?

He's in denial. Wants to be straight but I don't know any straight man that isn't disgusted by the thought of a man on man, not anti gay just wouldn't want to see it

@SirenSays

I would assume that, given that some straight women watch women on women, he is just interested

The device he used is the issue imo

I agree with this.

This is my stance as well.

I know women who watch women on women, I know men who watch men on men, all of whom are in heterosexual relationships whether they're hetero or bisexual.

It doesn't affect their relationships.

Was your son clicking on links and searching for gay porn when he was a baby? You said you'd found this before, about 8 years ago.

I'm sorry, lovely, this must be shattering your world, but your husband is a bad man and he is potentially hurting your child as well. I really don't see how you can stay married to him.

He's gay or bi curious would be my reckoning.

Totally out of order to watch it on your son's tablet or try to say your son has opened it by mistake.

My friend found out her husband was gay and watching gay porn. He'd also spent the entirety of their marriage hooking up with men on various gay sites. She found messages between him and the men. Some of them were family men, married with kids. And messages also included talk about poppers and 'twinks' (gay slang for young men from teens to early twenties). I supported her during this time and saw the messages myself. So yes, these things happen.

He's not only lying to you, he's blaming his son for it. Despicable.

I don't know any straight man that isn't disgusted by the thought of a man on man

What you actually canvas all the men you know or they just all volunteer this information? I’m sure lots of men have looked at lots of different things when they’re alone that they wouldn’t want to advertise to the world - gay, trans whatever. It doesn’t make them gay anymore than wanting to be pegged makes them gay.( Doesn’t of course mean they’re not either). Two incidents in 8 years isn’t much of a trend but of course using the laptop is a big no no.

@Kuachui

He's in denial. Wants to be straight but I don't know any straight man that isn't disgusted by the thought of a man on man, not anti gay just wouldn't want to see it

Or that's what they say because for some reason its socially unacceptable for a man to be turned on by it. Yet it's fine for a woman to watch lesbian porn and not have this assumption made about her.

WTF is he doing leaving porn on a device that a young child can access... I would be SO angry that my child had seen this at 8years old?! Absolutely furious.

And your partner is quite obviously gay. Surely you realise that.

the hating gays is more of a red flag for gayness than watching porn for me..

@tarasmalatarocks

I’ve never met a 100% straight guy who didn’t find the idea of watching it repulsive. Maybe he is bi curious??

Most straight men will say that because culturally it’s less acceptable to say they enjoy watching it but at uni I worked on an anonymous advice forum and there was always men asking if it made them gay that they enjoyed men on men porn… the consensus always was that no it’s pretty normal.

Studies have shown that men are much more rigid in their sexual preferences than women, irl and in porn, if he is viewing men on men porn, the most likely answer is that he is bi or gay.

Watching gay porn doesn't necessarily mean he's gay

However

Watching gay porn, being openly a d vocally homophobic, and blaming an eight year old (!) for it being on the tablet = could very well be gay, is definitely a dick

I'm more concerned you chose to have a child with a homophobe. The second the anti gay rhetoric started I'd have shown him the door. Imo porn is the least of your problems here.

@tarasmalatarocks

I’ve never met a 100% straight guy who didn’t find the idea of watching it repulsive. Maybe he is bi curious??

I'd be taking this with a large pinch of salt!

Lying and homophobia could easily be a symptom of him being ashamed of his feelings. What is inexcusable is the use of a child's tablet and I am lost for words that he has done this and there is absolutely no excuse. That alone is enough to ask him for a break of some kind (if that is possible). For me there has to be consequences to this appalling action.

Hes done this twice now all this well mydh likes to watch it is irrelevant-the man pretends he hates gay sex and its turnd up twice on devices in the house one of them being his sons

hes a liar and and you should leave

The type of porn wouldn't bother me.
The fact that he was feeling the need to watch it would, my main feeling here would be sadness.
The fact that he appears to have been watching it on our dc's devices, my main feeling here would be fucking ballistic.
The fact that he was spouting homophobic shit in front of our dc, the main feeling here would be LTB.

Watching gay porn might mean he's gay, bi - or neither and simply curious. Merits a conversation but not jumping to conclusions.

Watching gay porn on your 8yo's laptop is seriously lax, and lying about it is awful.

Being a homophobe doesn't necessarily mean he's a gay closet case - there are plenty of 100% straight homophobes out there - but it is a serious problem and I couldn't be with a man like that. What if your son grows up to be gay?

The combination of watching gay porn (and lying about it) while also expressing homophobic sentiments does make me think there's some heavy denial going on.

While I've suggested talking to him to actually find out what's going on I wouldn't expect him to admit anything meaningful straight away. So in your position I'd focus on the one thing he can't deny - his homophobia. You should make absolutely clear that's a deal-breaker.

@Earmuffsweather

Hes not admitted it was him he’s saying our son must have clicked on it

He. Is. Lying. Don't be daft enough to fall for this bullshit. What a disgusting man. I'd kick him out for that alone.

@Earmuffsweather Hello OP - I hope you are coping - first off, I would sit down (child in bed obvs) and have a frank conversation - I would begin the conversation by saying you came across it on your child’s laptop (not appropriate) and that you will accept and understand his homosexuality but that he needs to be HONEST and that you will need to discuss a way forward.

There are so many variables here - do you have an active and good sex life for instance? Are you still madly in love with him? Is he a good father and husband? I would be devastated if the answer to these 3 questions is ‘yes’. If he is gay it’s game over for the two of you as partners. However, you need to maintain a supportive friendship as parents moving forward.

In my experience if he is a raging homophobe AND viewing gay porn, he defo has a sexual interest in other men.

He may just be curious and he would never act on it. Lots of people have fantasies but that is all they are. I often think of women but have never been with a woman as just use it in my head. I would be more concerned that he is viewing on a device your young son uses. This is something you need to talk about. Also if and when you talk to your husband do it gently or else he will get his back up. He may open up if you take a different approach. I personally would not want to be with someone if they had cheated regardless with any sex but if with same sex and had never told me I would be angry. Hope you get things sorted for your peace of mind and put a lock on son's ipad so husband cannot use it.