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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Gay porn wwyd

289 replies

Earmuffsweather · 13/10/2021 15:46

If you found out your partner of 10+ years had been watching gay porn ie men on men

OP posts:

Report

Gonnagetgoing · 13/10/2021 21:32

@Buildingthefuture - maybe I’m in minority here, I have gay friends etc but there’s no way I’d want to watch lesbian or homosexual porn and if I do see it whilst browsing I don’t play it as I’m not into it or vaguely curious. Oh I wouldn’t want to act it out in real life either.

Buildingthefuture · 13/10/2021 21:58

@gonnagetgoing - I think that’s the point. Everyone is different. I know loads of different people with loads of different sexual and porn preferences, which in no way reflect the actions they would ever want to take in every day life. It’s the “forbidden” or “off limits” which some people seem to find a turn on. Fantasy is just that and for most people, that’s where it stays.

Loveabitofrain · 13/10/2021 22:13

Crikey lots of assumptions here or naivety!

Watching gay porn doesn’t make you gay, not even bi necessarily, but quite likely curious! There really is nothing wrong with that!

MilkywayMonarch22 · 13/10/2021 22:19

OP why aren't you commenting on the fact that your son has had sight of adult porn! That's actually shocking and is the first thing I'd be angry about. You don't know how much of it your DC has seen and you seem fixated on whether your partner is gay or not. Have you checked if your son is okay and whether what he has seen has upset/confused/raised questions for him that he needs support with? I don't mean to come across as aggressive or condescending although no doubt I will, I'm just perplexed as to where the focus is here!

Also watching gay porn doesn't make you gay but who gives a shit anyway since he's exposed your child to porn!

whynotwhatknot · 13/10/2021 23:53

will people stop going on about watching porn doesnt make you gay i think weve moved past that point now

cheshirebloke · 13/10/2021 23:56

As a pp said, make absolutely sure it wasn't your son before divorcing your husband over it. My step son managed to get his laptop totally clogged up with malware/porn popups after searching for porn. He was 8 (the first time anyway). But it was obvious from the terminology of his search history that it was a child and not an adult, and he didn't search for gay porn - the concept of which would probably have gone over his head at the time. So it's not impossible, but the fact your husband has prior form for it must make him the more likely culprit.

There are definitely a group of men who are both homophobic and homosexual at the same time. I guess they have repressed their sexuality and can't accept it. Hence why they often hide behind heterosexual relationships to mask their true nature.

That may be true of your husband, or he may just be bi/curious. Although most men are either completely straight or gay, not that many genuinely bi. A much higher proportion of women are bi than men. Despite some PPs arguing it, it's relatively uncommon for a straight man to watch gay (male) porn, certainly with any regularity.

Timeflyin · 14/10/2021 03:06

My internet settings block porn by default… would have to physically go into them to unblock it. Can you look at your settings ? Think it’s important to do what ever we can to keep kids away from it.

LJenn · 14/10/2021 07:57

OK.. so let's say OP's son "accidentally" clicked on something.. is it just a major coincidence that OP happened to find it years ago before DS too?? Come off it now.

TheVolturi · 14/10/2021 08:42

Due to the fact that op isn't remotely concerned about her son, and that she's hardly been back, I'm inclined to think the whole thing is utter bollocks. Excuse the pun!

Earmuffsweather · 14/10/2021 09:57

@TheVolturi no need to be mean
I have children to look after so not online 24/7
I have just read the comments now and i am thankful for each one.
Of course i am concerned about my little boy
I have reassured him over it and I keep going over it with him wether he typed in the website or not as i want to be absolutely certain.
He tells me he didn’t and i do believe him but I know oh will deny it was him.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 14/10/2021 10:40

I keep going over it with him wether he typed in the website or not as i want to be absolutely certain.

Stop it. You are telling him you don't trust him and keep pushing him into thinking about what he saw and that's unfair.

Why don't you keep going over it with your OH? The man you know has looked at gay porn in the past.

Cheesepuff1 · 14/10/2021 10:45

If you son is aware of your OH being homophobic he isn't going to admit to searching for porn or anything related to trying to figure out his own sexuality.
I hope you are ensuring he knows that if he did search for it , whilst inappropriate to be looking at any porn websites at his age (certainly becoming more common for kids..) , if he is curious of his own feelings that is ok and he can discuss it with u in a better way..

Constellationstation · 14/10/2021 10:58

@girlmom21

I keep going over it with him wether he typed in the website or not as i want to be absolutely certain.

Stop it. You are telling him you don't trust him and keep pushing him into thinking about what he saw and that's unfair.

Why don't you keep going over it with your OH? The man you know has looked at gay porn in the past.

Totally agree with this. I’m sure he’s traumatised enough as it is without being blamed for it.

The amount of people saying that it could well be the 8 year old and also that looking at gay porn has nothing to do with being gay is really surprising to me. If a man pretends to be homophobic and also secretly looks at gay porn there is a lot more to it than innocent curiosity.

Earmuffsweather · 14/10/2021 11:08

Im not sure my little boy even knows what being gay is
Ive asked him not blamed or pressurised him and ive told him im not cross whatever his answer may be

OP posts:

beastlyslumber · 14/10/2021 11:26

@girlmom21

I keep going over it with him wether he typed in the website or not as i want to be absolutely certain.

Stop it. You are telling him you don't trust him and keep pushing him into thinking about what he saw and that's unfair.

Why don't you keep going over it with your OH? The man you know has looked at gay porn in the past.

Agree with this.

You need to stop asking your son and start asking your husband. Your son is the victim here. Professional support is needed.

Fluffypastelslippers · 14/10/2021 11:28

@Earmuffsweather

Im not sure my little boy even knows what being gay is
Ive asked him not blamed or pressurised him and ive told him im not cross whatever his answer may be

Please please please seek professional guidance. I think this is the 3rd time I have said this now.

Your post here seems to focus on why and not what your son saw, you really need to be aware that he needs to process what he has seen and you are not best equipped to help him - there are people who specialise in this are for children.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 14/10/2021 11:30

I'd be more concerned that he used your son's tablet and left porn on it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/10/2021 11:36

I can't believe you're still quizzing your son to see if it was him!

Occam's razor op - what's more likely:

Your husband searched for and looked at gay porn, which you know he has done before

Your eight year old son searched for and looked at gay porn

You're quizzing the wrong person.

Your partner is at best homophobic, a liar, willing to blame a child for his own actions and careless when it comes to safeguarding as he used your son's tablet.

Is that who you want to be with for the rest of your life?

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2021 11:37

girlmom21

I'd be more concerned about him leaving porn on my childs tablet.“

This. Wtf was he thinking?

rhowton · 14/10/2021 11:39

I would assume your DH was gay.

TheVolturi · 14/10/2021 11:52

Poor lad, leave him alone! Save the grillings for your scumbag other half.

Constellationstation · 14/10/2021 12:08

I’ve told him I’m not cross whatever his answer may be

But he’s given you his answer already

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Mamaofaboy · 14/10/2021 12:50

I think you need to leave your poor DS alone, seeing it is bad enough without the continued grilling from you. The more you push it with him, the more stressful it will be for him.

Deep down you know the answer and that it was DH, it’s just not nice to admit it. Google how to check cookies if you’re not sure.

Earmuffsweather · 14/10/2021 13:25

I ami just wanted to be certain before i do go to the oh
I do know deep down it was him but i don’t want to break up the family if there was a chance it wasn’t him.

OP posts:

Constellationstation · 14/10/2021 13:41

I wonder if there’s a way you can see what time the website was accessed? I don’t know if that’s possible

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