Do affairs work?

[JodyD1973]

Hi I’m having an affair with a married man. I’m 48 separated 3 years ago and we’ve been seeing each other for 10 months. I have fallen in love with this man, he tells me he loves me, adores me and can see our future together. He tells me his marriage has been unhappy for years and has left twice before but always went back which he says he regrets.
We both have an overwhelming guilt at what we are doing, we’ve had arguments, cried about it and I’ve walked away 4 times but we hate not speaking to each other. We get on so well, we chat about everything, our kids, our work is similar so we understand the pressures and we have fun. He has a work incident right now and states once it’s resolved he will leave her.
But do affairs work out ever? I lay awake at night wondering what’s to come, will we ever work, will we be happy? My friends worry as I don’t go out in case there is a chance of seeing him. It’s all a bit of a mess and wonder if I should walk away for good but fear it will take me a long time to get over him.

@JodyD1973

Thanks for your opinion as I opened myself up for criticism but pathetic and embarrassing I am not… I didn’t ask to fall into this situation but you don’t know me so what you’ve said is rude

You've still done it. You've still slept with another woman's husband. Nothing justifies that. What you have done to his wife is rude.

And the husband is even worse, why would you want to be with him? Think about his qualities (or lack of) if he is willing to sleep with another woman behind his wife's back. He should be strong enough to leave, not give excuses and say he's unhappy to justify it all. A choice is a choice and he has made a choice to sleep with someone else whilst married. He could have always said no but he hasn't. He has a choice to leave even if it is hard but hasn't. He has a choice to not go back to her twice but did TWICE. These are all choices he has made so therefore no sympathy.

Its horrible behaviour from the pair of you and you should end it until he has left that poor woman.

[quote MsLup]@JodyD1973 if you have been there and got the t shirt - why even consider doing the same to another innocent woman in the first place?

I'm sorry you fell into this relationship and hope you do have the sense to send him packing before his wife has her heart broken. He doesn't deserve you as you've obviously been in a moral dilemma over it all and his wife certainly doesn't deserve a cheat like him. Affairs never end well - there is always someone who is hurt badly. Best of luck for the future and finding a suitable Mr. Right[/quote]
I appreciate your message and can assure I ask myself why did I go into this situation knowing full well what my kids and myself went through uprooting from our family home my kids had known since newborns. Do I feel disgusted at myself yes I am. I done this, I knew after 4 meetings, and made a choice to keep going with it knowing my own hurt at the moment I was told. So I do take ownership I made a bad decision. And I have ended it, I’ve blocked all communication and my work diary will keep me busy. I am genuinely sorry you went through it, I do hope you and your kids get your lives back and you find the strength to move forward with the support of family and friends. I had my career which I threw myself into and managed to get me and the kids settled.
And then… this happened which i will again say I made the wrong choice. I knew it wouldn’t work, I took myself back to thoughts of how his wife and children would feel if they found out and it eats away at me. Knowing the heartbreak my kids went through and the work I’ve put in to keep them ok and maintain a good relationship with their Dad. Thankfully 3 years down the line their Dad and I are friends, I get on with his other woman as do my kids but I had to dig very deep to get myself to open up to that. I keep saying I won’t post anymore but this will be my last. I wish you all the best and I’m sorry my post stirred very raw emotions for you.

@JodyD1973

Hi I’m having an affair with a married man. I’m 48 separated 3 years ago and we’ve been seeing each other for 10 months. I have fallen in love with this man, he tells me he loves me, adores me and can see our future together. He tells me his marriage has been unhappy for years and has left twice before but always went back which he says he regrets. We both have an overwhelming guilt at what we are doing, we’ve had arguments, cried about it and I’ve walked away 4 times but we hate not speaking to each other. We get on so well, we chat about everything, our kids, our work is similar so we understand the pressures and we have fun. He has a work incident right now and states once it’s resolved he will leave her. But do affairs work out ever? I lay awake at night wondering what’s to come, will we ever work, will we be happy? My friends worry as I don’t go out in case there is a chance of seeing him. It’s all a bit of a mess and wonder if I should walk away for good but fear it will take me a long time to get over him.

How's things currently o p ?

It's textbook script what you have described of a man who wants his cake and to eat it also. He isn't planning on leaving his wife Op, wake up.

He has the best of both worlds at the moment so why would he?

Two red flags that stuck out that seems to be what every single affair situation is centred around is

1. He says he's unhappy in his marriage. All men say this when they have affairs. All of them. Usually the wife has no idea and thinks that they are happy. Or he's lying, he could have a great relationship but just like the idea of a bit on the side, keep him ticking during the day. It all boils down to one truth: If he's unhappy, he would leave. He's clinging on to his wife for a reason and one of those reasons (of many) will probably be because a part of him still Loves her. Sorry.
2. He's said he'll leave BUT.... list reasons here. There's always an excuse for not walking out right now isn't there? Always tends to be after such event has occurred. BUT this and AFTER this.... guess what? If he wanted to leave he would just leave. He would list many reasons and drop stall you to stop you from walking, he keeps you here by telling you little lies he can get away with rather than the full truth because the truth won't lock you down like you are now. What would you think or do if he turned around and said "I'm not actually going to leave my wife my home life is too important." Or "yes I'll leave my wife, but it will take until she finds out and chucks me out herself to do so!" You wouldn't be here would you? You see where I'm coming from? He's drip feeding you little falsies at a time to keep you where you are.

You deserve better OP. If you actually end up getting together, you will constantly be on edge wondering whether he will be cheating on you. Because of his wife clearly has no clue at the minute, why wouldn't you?