@DrSbaitso
I don't think any woman is suprised why a woman would find her husband sexually attractive, I think it's a question of moral repulsiveness.
In the same way we think of the op as morally repulsive and wouldn't actively want to befriend someone like that, so we believe other women would be repulsed by the lack of morals within a man and find that a turn off.
Just as when women are faced with the decision whether or not to remain with a cheater and forgive, I doubt they do not actually find their betrayer sexually unnatractive anymore, more that their lack of moral fibre and loss of repect towards them makes them too repulsive to touch.
Respect is hugely important within the act of sex for many women, I think men can detatch from those feelings far easier and we don't understand women who don't find that important.
In a way affairs are a huge gamble with your reputation, people get to know, such as the op, her friends know they will talk/gossip, her neighbours will know, sneaking him in during the day on god knows what pretence if anyone sees him.
People notice, people talk, now there is a game to be won, not just over the wife but in public, can she get the man?
This will show the ow how much she is wanted or not wanted, it becomes so much more than just a love affair, it is one upmanship, it is obliterating the opposition, it is about power, ego and self esteem.
Some women do not feel the need to destroy others in their lives, they respect the sanctity of marriage and the family and the thought of a man hurtling towards them that is willing to throw and discard a life and family behind them, to most women would be repulsive.
God no, the thought of it.
No man is worth that.
Children are far more important.
Other women are important and I could have never hurt another woman in this way.
Never.