DP punched me in the head... What next?

[Sparklespangle]

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

Quite concerned about op, if you’re ok please let us know

A friend got benefits even though she was a joint home-owner, including housing benefit. Her STBXH wouldn't move out.

Thank you everyone.

We are safe. We were able to move home this afternoon. It was lovely being able to pick DD up from school and come and sit on our own sofa.

I am sorry to say I have not reported it to the police, I am just too anxious to ring them, I suppose maybe it makes it more real if I ring them? Maybe I'm just too cowardy? I know you will all be disappointed in me so I am sorry. I really did think I could do it.

DP has moved out, I have asked where but haven't heard back (DD is worried and wants to know so he is a prick for not telling me). I have also asked if he wants to arrange a time to meet up with the children so they can see him (in public with another family member present, he might be a twat but he is still their dad).

Obviously the relationship is over, there is no going back. I just hope he will communicate with me so we can sell the house and sort this out as quickly and painlessly as possible for the children's sake.

Glad you are safe @Sparklespangle take care

I know you don’t want to report it but things will be easier in the future if it’s at least documented.
If things get messy divorce/finance/contact wise you may qualify for legal aid if the domestic violence is recorded, or a non mol order if god forbid things get nasty.

You could write down exactly what you want to say to the police and then when you ring them read it out if you are nervous.

And tell them you are nervous, you’re not sure what the process is, you’re not even sure what you want to happen next- they will understand.

I just hope he will communicate with me so we can sell the house and sort this out as quickly and painlessly as possible for the children's sake

Reporting to the police will go a long way in getting everything resolved quickly and in the very best interests (and safety) of you and your kids. Nobody here is disappointed in you, OP. But lots of us will be hoping that you change your mind for the sake of yourself and DC. The only person who benefits if you don't report is your abuser. You may well come to bitterly regret not reporting when he's being an arsehole over the separation and contact etc.

Has he left his keys behind?
I’d keep my key in the lock over night - just in case.
He may move back in.
I hope he has gone and isn’t waiting for the dust to settle.
You have done the right thing.
Stay safe.

So glad you are safe op.

I’m pleased you have the strength to say the relationship is over.
I know it is hard on your daughter but given what he did to you carrying the baby, can you really trust him?

I know you’re scared but can report to the police online. You can log it without pressing charges, he will never need to know. At least then you have that bit of evidence should he kick off.

You need to report.
He will have contact with dc and you can do nothing
Unless you report
Don't let him getcawaycwith this

You really need to talk to Women's Aid, OP.

You're horribly minimising this. And already chasing after him.

I feel really worried for your children.

Keys are in the doors. A quarter turned so they can't be pushed out.

One of my worries about reporting to the police is him losing his job, which will affect how much I will get for the children in maintenance. He has also transferred me some money in the last week for food and fuel so I can get food and pay for DD clubs etc. If I report him the money will go and DD can't do her clubs. I am trying so hard to keep things 'normal' for her.

Also I just can't believe it's real. It has been a week. This time last week we were watching TV like normal, chatting, laughing. Just like a lot of you will be doing this evening. Like we have done for the last 12 years and he just flipped, it's like a switch went off and he changed into this stranger. I feel like I would be reporting my lovely partner for something this stranger did. I know they are the same person but it is hard to get my head around it.

I'm glad you are home and feel safe. It's good that he's moved out, I hope he stays away and doesn't decide he wants to move back in.

No judgement here for you not feel able to call the police.

Did you manage to contact Women's Aid?

What did you tell your GP about how you hurt your ear?

I said I got a football to the head in the park.

So you're protecting him because you feel financially dependent on him?

You feel that you need his money and he'll stop giving you money if you report him.

Don’t report it.
Log it online with the police though.
Protect you and your children from him.

I know it’s hard. Believe me. I KNOW but you will kick yourself in a few months / years that you didn’t report because of the level of support you and your children WILL need from services. If you don’t report it, you just won’t get it.

Yes I suppose that's it in a nutshell. It's my own stupid fault, we should have got married or I should have pursued my career instead of giving it up to look after the children.

You said that he's the sole wage earner, so presumably you're not in paid work. Do you have any savings?

You are probably entitled to Universal Credit so you should claim that ASAP if you haven't yet done so.

Also apply to the council for the single person discount on your council tax (which you can get now he's moved out) and for Council Tax Reduction.

Can I really just log it. He won't find out and they won't talk to him?

Cross post. It's a good thing you're not married to the abusive bastard

If he is 'your lovely partner' then surely he won't cut off financial support for his daughter to punish you? Or is he maybe not that lovely?

Why would he lose his job by the way - does he do the kind of work that requires a DBS check?

@Sparklespangle

Please log with police.
Please understand that your children need love and care, not loads of money.

You will get benefits.
You will get child maintenance through cms.

It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Can I really just log it. He won't find out and they won't talk to him?

I logged it online, specifically stated I didn’t want to take further action. Just wanted it logged. Ex never found out. After a massive argument I told him I’d logged it and would take it further, he laughed at me and said if I had they would have spoken to him.

Imagine a scenario where he has unsupervised access to your children and one day he does this to one of them. Wouldn't you do anything to protect them from that? The only way you can is to report this now. Without that you're leaving yourself and your children completely at his mercy.