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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP punched me in the head... What next?

234 replies

Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:14

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

OP posts:
JaniceBing · 11/10/2021 00:34

@Sparklespangle

Thank you everyone, sincerely, you have been the wake up call I needed.

I will ring the police and women's aid in the morning.

I feel stronger with you all behind me. I realise it's not my word against his because I have injuries (twat)

We will stay with my parents and see if we can get some housing, I will also investigate benefits and getting back into work.

I can do this. I will do this.

You are so strong, OP. You got this! I'm really sorry you've had to go through this, you deserve so much better. Wishing you all the best and hope this scumbag gets what he deserves.
GatoradeMeBitch · 11/10/2021 01:05

Good for you. I hope it all goes well tomorrow. You're doing the right thing.

FrozenoutofCostco · 11/10/2021 02:00

As a mother you MUST report this. If you don't, then I'm sorry but you're not putting your child first. You need to be 100% to care for that baby!!!!! You need to make sure that this won't happen again.

FrozenoutofCostco · 11/10/2021 02:04

@Sparklespangle Also, having a police record of domestic violence will enable you to receive FREE legal representation for anything related to custody or gaining an injunction against him (should you need it) via the Legal Aid Domestic Abuse Gateway.

FrozenoutofCostco · 11/10/2021 02:06

@PissedOffNeighbour22 Thanks
Please tell me you corrected him family and that they didn't believe his version of events???

FrozenoutofCostco · 11/10/2021 02:07

@KalvinPhillipsManBun

Your GP has a legal duty if care to report this to SS, take their advice OP
Well done 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ You've just single-handedly put OP off reporting ANY of this to ANY authority now - brilliant work 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 FFS
MinesAPintOfTea · 11/10/2021 05:40

Our domestic situation was reported to SS. What that meant was a worker coming to talk to each of us in the family regularly about support, and getting an ongoing network of support put in place for (school aged) DS. If I hadn’t been earning above a threshold she would also have helped with benefits.

Particularly if you are leaving an abuser, SS are nothing to be afraid of.

TerraNovaTwo · 11/10/2021 06:11

Report to the police FFS. Now before the brusing goes. I did. If anything you will have an case number.

TerraNovaTwo · 11/10/2021 06:13

It's scandalous how many men are getting away with this shite! DV is a gendered crime before anyone NAMALT.

FindingMeno · 11/10/2021 06:16

You must not go back.
You are amazing doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and your dc's Flowers

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 11/10/2021 07:52

@FrozenoutofCostco I never saw or spoke to them again. We divorced and that was that. I've never come across any of them and as I've never had social media, I'm not linked to them in any way.
I suspect he may have lied about telling all his family as they're the type to barge over and start threatening.

Embracelife · 11/10/2021 08:10

@MinesAPintOfTea

Our domestic situation was reported to SS. What that meant was a worker coming to talk to each of us in the family regularly about support, and getting an ongoing network of support put in place for (school aged) DS. If I hadn’t been earning above a threshold she would also have helped with benefits.

Particularly if you are leaving an abuser, SS are nothing to be afraid of.

Exactly. They will help. Hide it and he will kill you.
Notmydaughteryoubitch · 11/10/2021 08:18

Did you tell your GP how you got your injury? If you did they will have a duty to share this with social care due to your baby. Please show that you are protecting yourself and your baby by calling the Police. This will not be their first time of hearing perpetrators of abuse lie, they will take you seriously you have bruising and proven physical injury. They would be able to arrest & bail him away from your home address, Women's Aid can then support you with a non molestation order and possibly an exclusion order which can help keep him out of the property and keep you and your baby safe. If you go back he will do this again. He has shown you very clearly who he is, for your sake and the sake of your children please listen.

bigbaggyeyes · 11/10/2021 09:47

I would strongly recommend you speak to the police, even if you just log it with them. They will put a flag on your address so. If anything further happens they will be quick to attend.
It will also assist you with regards to him having access to the dc should you split.

It may well be your word against his, but you've got a doctors report re the damage he's done

Mymapuddlington · 11/10/2021 09:56

Really hope you’re ok and safe this morning op. Stay strong Flowers

TurnUpTurnip · 11/10/2021 09:59

You can’t just “log” this with them. They will have a duty to arrest him and question/charge him, you can’t just “log” someone punching you in the head

AnnabelC · 11/10/2021 10:29

There is a lot of support out there to help people suffering Domestic Violence. Please use it. I work in the Courts. I see case after case. I help victims and witnesses. Take photos of your injuries and notes from the doctor. Your Mum could verify your distress on the day it happened. You can have a person called an IDVA and support on the day of the Trial, if it gets to Court. The Police will decide if there is enough evidence and then put it forward to the CPS. At that stage it is not your responsibility what happens to your DP. You can get restraining orders etc.

Iooselipssinkships · 11/10/2021 11:08

If a stranger had done this to you what would you have done? Try to take the emotion out of it and see it for what it is. It's fucking awful I know but you can do this!

GettingItOutThere · 11/10/2021 14:47

i sincerely hope you have reported it OP. If not for yourself, for your baby.

Men like this have been known to turn on their kids too

doodleZ1 · 11/10/2021 15:01

Your ear drum didn't perforate itself so there's evidence of violence there. Backed up by your doctor. Phone the police it puts you in a better position as one of the first questions you will be is has the matter been reported. When and who to. Cover yourself. Do not go back to him.

BiLuminous · 11/10/2021 18:04

@MinesAPintOfTea

Our domestic situation was reported to SS. What that meant was a worker coming to talk to each of us in the family regularly about support, and getting an ongoing network of support put in place for (school aged) DS. If I hadn’t been earning above a threshold she would also have helped with benefits.

Particularly if you are leaving an abuser, SS are nothing to be afraid of.

I had a MH crisis and SS were informed. They were kind and helpful. They get a bad rap but theyre what people think!
layladomino · 12/10/2021 18:58

Please do tell the Police @Sparklespangle

It will help protect you and your DC. It will help protect future victims. It will ensure there is a record of his violence.

Imagine if you didn't report it, there's nothing on the record to show that he is a risk. He could become violent to your child, or to you in a handover. Take photos and keep a copy as well as handing to Police. Keep copies of any unpleasant messages he sends you too.

Stay with your family while you seek advice on what to do next. And please don't ever go back to him.

Pebbledashery · 12/10/2021 20:14

Please let me tell you as someone who fled domestic abuse last year, you need to have this reported to the police and also children's services. You need to get referred onto Marac, you need to get a solicitor or apply via the ncdv for a non molestation order so this subhuman can stay as far away as legally possible. There's every chance he will get nasty and take you to court.. For that, you require evidence. This man is a danger to you and your children. Please help yourself and report him.

onthinice · 12/10/2021 20:19

Report to the police.

Yes you will get benefits despite being a home owner.

I know it's over crowded at your parents but can they help you in these early days with childcare, moral support, advice etc. Don't go back to the house alone and try to go when he's at work.

BiLuminous · 14/10/2021 15:04

I hope youre safe OP