My partner sleeps in his daughters bed when she stays over - AIBU

[mae2014]

My partner and I have been living together almost 2 years,
I have a great relationship with his DD7 and she’s over 2/3 times a week and stays one night the odd weekend when she wants to. (He tries to have her stay every weekend but sometimes she fancies it sometimes she doesn’t, that’s ok, but she knows she’s always welcome)

Am I being unreasonable though to be annoyed when he gets into her bed and refuses to come into ours?
He dotes on her and we find it so hard to get her to sleep because she refuses to unless he sleeps with her or if she’s in our bed,

Am i being silly by being annoyed that I’ve just gone to ask him to come to bed and he basically told me to f*ck off ?

He told you to fuck off?

You're focusing on the wrong issue if that is how he speaks to you.

In a round about way,

Is it common for men to do this when their child sleeps over???

Nothing wrong with him cosleeping. Plenty wrong with him telling you to fuck off.

There was a similar thread a few months ago on this question. The conclusion was it was weird and creepy behaviour and if this was a non negotiable for DP then to end the relationship as it didn't bode well for the future.

To be fair my 7yo lives with both her parents and she would happily sleep in with me every night if we let her. I don’t think it’s like a 14yr old wanting to sleep in with their parent. Would it bother you less if she was a boy? For now I wouldn’t worry about it, chances are she will grow out of it pretty soon anyway.

I think it's quite sweet. But then my dd is 15 and sometimes gets into my bed to sleep so I'm probably not the best person to ask.
I know that if I'd split up with my dh and my 7 year old ds came to sleep over and he wanted me to sleep with him then I would. And if my partner tried to stop me then I would probably tell them to fuck off too.

Whenever I address it he agrees and says she should be sleeping on her own as this is a habit we need to break for her..
but then once she stays and he’s in the bed with her he ends up falling asleep, I wake him up then he refuses to move…

And I’m sure I’ll be made to think I’m crazy by being a bit annoyed with it!

Does she co-sleep at home with her Mum too?

It's not weird as such but not exactly "normal" either. At 7 I'd have expected it to pass but it will at some point!

Have you spoken to your DH about it, what are his thoughts?

@AttaGirrrrl

Nothing wrong with him cosleeping. Plenty wrong with him telling you to fuck off.

This

@hemhem

There was a similar thread a few months ago on this question. The conclusion was it was weird and creepy behaviour and if this was a non negotiable for DP then to end the relationship as it didn't bode well for the future.

There is no such thing as a conclusion on Mumsnet.

And others have said , nothing wrong with cosleeping with a 7 year old.

People who think it's creepy are saying more about themselves

Its one thing to be there for 15-30mins to help DD fall asleep, especially if she doesn't live there all the time. I so this with my 7yo most nights, as does her dad. Its something totally different to refuse to move once she's asleep.

Does she wake a lot at night? Have special needs? Did something happen to make him anxious about letting her sleep on her own?

Her mum works shifts so sometimes will fall asleep beside her when she’s putting her to bed too..
But she also says to my partner to just sit with her, let her fall asleep then get back up, so i think she’s trying to do this too her end…

It’s good to hear others opinions. I wasn’t too sure what the norm was really x

People who think it's creepy are saying more about themselves

Yes. All those awful women who were sexually abused by family members… they should really get a grip, eh?

Oh god not another one, yes yabu very infact

Well did he tell you to fuck off or did he tell you it was what worked for them and he wasn’t going to be told how to parent? What exactly did he say?

Does she cosleep with her mum?

She’s only little. You want to share a bed with him and you’re an adult. You can see why she does too. You have him to yourself 6 or more days a week.

No I’m not saying it’s creepy - they have a lovely relationship and dote on each other, but I just feel a bit annoyed when things like this happen!

I certainly wasn’t abused as a child but I actually think it is very creepy sorry. Once kids get to a certain age they shouldn’t be co sleeping especially girls.

and he basically told me to fck off ?*

What did he actually say?

Are you the same op that posted about a similar issue a few days ago?

@CharlotteRose90
So you’re saying he’s sexually abusing her?

So many of these threads recently. Really odd.

Yes - he told me to fuck off and that he was sleeping with her tonight and rolled over

I don’t want to make him look bad but yeah.

Prob half the reason im aggravated by it

Co-sleeping at 7 indicates a sleep problem, you might need to look at her sleep-onset/ sleep hygiene/ bedtime routine if she's not able to self sooth and put herself to sleep. Does she wake in the night/ have nightmares or any other sleep problems?

[quote nimbuscloud]@CharlotteRose90
So you’re saying he’s sexually abusing her?[/quote]
Can you not? No one on this thread has said that… and it’s not being insinuated either.

I don’t see a problem with it.

The telling you to F off is the problem.