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Original poster

My partner sleeps in his daughters bed when she stays over - AIBU

171 replies

mae2014 · 08/10/2021 22:45

My partner and I have been living together almost 2 years,
I have a great relationship with his DD7 and she’s over 2/3 times a week and stays one night the odd weekend when she wants to. (He tries to have her stay every weekend but sometimes she fancies it sometimes she doesn’t, that’s ok, but she knows she’s always welcome)

Am I being unreasonable though to be annoyed when he gets into her bed and refuses to come into ours?
He dotes on her and we find it so hard to get her to sleep because she refuses to unless he sleeps with her or if she’s in our bed,

Am i being silly by being annoyed that I’ve just gone to ask him to come to bed and he basically told me to f*ck off ?

OP posts:
Original poster
mae2014 · 08/10/2021 23:04

She’s come in before about 4am but usually comes into our bed when she wakes about 6/7ish,

It’s just sometimes like she picks and chooses when she wants him/when she’s fine not to x

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 08/10/2021 23:07

If you've been living together for 2 years and he's been co-sleeping with her for all that time, did he co-sleep with her before he met you?

Justforphoto · 08/10/2021 23:09

Her parents have separated and she doesn't see much of her dad, she's just looking for reassurance and that he's there for her and there is nothing wrong with him co sleeping to give her that reassurance. I do think you are wrong to object but he is so far over the line telling you to fuck off that I would have to reconsider the relationship for that reason.

nimbuscloud · 08/10/2021 23:10

One poster has said it’s very creepy
I don’t agree

RaginaPhalange · 08/10/2021 23:11

Yabu nothing wrong with co-sleeping especially once a week.

However him telling you to fuck off is the main issue and you should nip that in the bud ASAP.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/10/2021 23:11

Did you post about this before?

Ellie56 · 08/10/2021 23:12

@AttaGirrrrl

Nothing wrong with him cosleeping. Plenty wrong with him telling you to fuck off.
This.
Munchkinpumpkin · 08/10/2021 23:13

I think u sound a bit needy.. waking him up to come sleep with you.. leave them to it and enjoy starfishing in bed

Original poster
mae2014 · 08/10/2021 23:13

He co slept with her from when she was 3-6 then when we moved in here together she slept in her own bed.

Yea, I agree the way he spoke to me was unreasonable and I’ll address this in the morning. I just needed some perspective to whether it was the norm/if I’m being unreasonable

OP posts:
farme · 08/10/2021 23:14

Ive got a post on the step parents board jigs now where I was saying the fact my DSD co-sleeps with her mum , is causing issues with her contact with her dad. She's not wanting to come some nights as she misses sleeping in her mums bed with her mum vs. Sleeping in her own bed at our house.

I've been quite surprised with the amount of responses I've had suggesting the my DH should be sleeping in the same bed as his DD. Not really what I'd expected

teaandpastries · 08/10/2021 23:14

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

People who think it's creepy are saying more about themselves

Yes. All those awful women who were sexually abused by family members… they should really get a grip, eh?

Oh dial it down. So every person on here saying it's creepy was sexually abused by a family member?!

The OP has clearly said she doesn't think it's creepy just that it annoys her how he chooses to parent

Whstdoyouthink · 08/10/2021 23:15

It depends m, my 6 and 4 year old would love to sleep in our bed every night. But they always start out in their own beds. I equally don’t kick them out of our bed if they clone in at 3am

I really pity those who automatic go to a sexual thought, that is sad and odd

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2021 23:18

Deal with him telling you to fuck off. Not okay. Will not happen again.

But you’re on a hiding to nothing trying to stop him nodding off in her bed once a week. It won’t happen forever and it’s only one out of 6 nights. You get the tv to yourself, the bed to yourself, it’s not the worst thing in the world.

Mermaidpool · 08/10/2021 23:20

I would probably tell someone to fuck off if they woke me and told me I had to move beds. Not saying it's ok at all but I hate being woken up and would react badly in the moment. Does he speak like that at other times?

Bbub · 08/10/2021 23:20

OP you said you woke him up? I might tell you to fuck off or similar if you woke me up and told me to move beds.

He's an adult and can sleep where he likes in his own home surely?

It's less than once a week that he does it, why do you care?

Co sleeping at 7 is not weird and the posters insinuating anything untoward are really low in my opinion. My 7 year old would be in with me every night if he had the chance, he says he likes to be with me, it's quite simple really

Original poster
mae2014 · 08/10/2021 23:20

Thank you for all your comments, it’s good to hear different perspectives

Yeah, I’ll address the F off in the morning, I’ll prob be told it’s my fault for waking him up but we shall see!!! X

OP posts:
RaoulDufysCat · 08/10/2021 23:21

She's a little girl whose parents have split up and she needs comfort. Stop policing her interactions with her dad.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/10/2021 23:21

Oh dial it down. So every person on here saying it's creepy was sexually abused by a family member?!

The OP has clearly said she doesn't think it's creepy just that it annoys her how he chooses to parent

I don’t know the history of every poster on here but as at least 1/9 girls are sexually abused, it wouldn’t be so out of the question to think that some posters may have experienced it.
I wasn’t replying to the OP. She knows her partner and sees the relationship between him and his child. However, this man is a complete stranger to posters and if they get a stomach turning feeling about the thought of a grown man in bed with a 7 year old, refusing to get out, then I believe they’ll have perfectly valid reasons.

nc4565 · 08/10/2021 23:24

There was a thread on here about the exact same thing recently.

Floozymum · 08/10/2021 23:27

To be fair if someone wakes me up when I'm asleep I'd have a few choice words too Wink

But in all honesty it's a hard one. I don't think there's anything wrong with him falling asleep and then staying in with her and I also don't think you are wrong for wanting him to sleep with you instead. I guess it won't happen for ever so maybe agree to disagree.

teaandpastries · 08/10/2021 23:30

@RaoulDufysCat

She's a little girl whose parents have split up and she needs comfort. Stop policing her interactions with her dad.
Well said
GrandmasCat · 08/10/2021 23:35

I wouldn’t like my child sleeping with me all the time when he was that age, sometimes fine, all the time, no thanks.

I do think most people the same, that’s why most kids have their own bedrooms before they hit 3.

I think you have a situation at home where he may be overcompensating for the split. Whether that is right or wrong, only you can say. I would see those night as your free “me time” nights, but then… 3 times a week… no thanks.

confusedpersoninlife · 08/10/2021 23:35

She's a little girl whose parents have split up and she needs comfort. Stop policing her interactions with her dad.

Agree

Summerfun54321 · 08/10/2021 23:39

I know he used bad language but I’d be pretty annoyed if my DH woke me up and demanded I move beds whilst I was asleep. You say his DC stays over roughly 1 night every other weekend, I can’t see why this is an issue for you when she stays so infrequently. She’s 7 and her parents have broken up, there’s no “normal”, it’s just whatever is best for the child.

Stickyblue1987 · 08/10/2021 23:39

Well regardless of anything else if you woke me up from a sleep for no reason only to tell me to move beds, I'd probably tell you to F off too. But I like my sleep, find it hard to fall asleep and once awake can't get back to sleep!