My partner sleeps in his daughters bed when she stays over - AIBU

[mae2014]

My partner and I have been living together almost 2 years,
I have a great relationship with his DD7 and she’s over 2/3 times a week and stays one night the odd weekend when she wants to. (He tries to have her stay every weekend but sometimes she fancies it sometimes she doesn’t, that’s ok, but she knows she’s always welcome)

Am I being unreasonable though to be annoyed when he gets into her bed and refuses to come into ours?
He dotes on her and we find it so hard to get her to sleep because she refuses to unless he sleeps with her or if she’s in our bed,

Am i being silly by being annoyed that I’ve just gone to ask him to come to bed and he basically told me to f*ck off ?

My daughter is almost 9 and we often have movie nights where she watches a film in my bed with me. In what world is this creepy?

It's not creepy, please ignore PP.

However remember this a young child who is staying away from home, it doesn't sound like staying the night is frequent or regular so I would let your DH do what he feel what he needs to.

If it was a more regular and consistent arrangement then I'd probably try to break the habit but since it's occurring occasionally I'd leave them to it.

Be grateful he's not expecting you to share your bed with her.

Op can you answer the people asking if you posted this before?
Search for the other thread, think it was in ‘step parents’.
How does your boyfriend usually interact with you? Is he sweaty and nasty in other areas? Sounds pretty low quality.

@Babyghirl

For everyone saying it's normal , well in the eyes of ss it's deemed inappropriate to Co sleep with your kids after a certain age 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Esp a 7 year old with her daddy

What experience do you have of social services, our social worker doesn’t care in the slightest that my six year old sleeps with me, a good attachment is a positive, not a negative.

@Simonjt
I posted my reason on up the page.

[quote Babyghirl]@liveforsummer
There was a bed in the room she would not just sleep in it, cuz told ss this it was her sisters old room her sis had moved out.[/quote]
Again it was made clear to the social worker that the child did not have her own allocated bed. This bed was explained to be the sisters bed and the DC's official bed was in with her mum. Very different to her having her own official bed/room but just not sleeping in it (not that that part would be any of the sw's business anyway). Yes you are correct that a sw would expect a 6 year old to have their own bed. No they don't have an age rule where they decide it's inappropriate for the dc to sleep in with their parent or for their parent to lie with them in their bed. That's ridiculous to suggest and not what your example is showing at all

[quote nimbuscloud]@CharlotteRose90
So you’re saying he’s sexually abusing her?[/quote]
Where did she say that ??

For those asking
No I haven’t posted about this before
She stays once week unless she doesn’t fancy it
She’s over 2-3 times a week for dinner if not more, depends how her mums shifts work,
We live 5 mins from her mum and all get along well so she’s not too far from home
I haven’t once suggested it’s creepy I just asked for perspectives as I wouldn’t know the norm since I have no children of my own.

I addressed him telling me to fuck off this morning and he said it was because I woke him up whilst he was asleep

Thank you for all your perspectives - I’ve taken it on board and will be more understanding. I just thought it was a habit we needed to break

Obviously it's not ok to tell you to fuck off but if someone woke me up from a deep sleep I might swear at them tbh

Does it matter that he co sleeps some nights? Can't you sleep by yourself? I agree that her parents should be breaking this habit but that's up to them surely?

@liveforsummer
Like I said the room now belonged to the 6 year old since her sister moved out 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

@mae2014
I agree it's a habit that needs to be broke, it's part of helping your kids to be dependent abit like potty training and feeding themselves or putting there on shoes on.

@mae2014
Sorry independent.

That isn’t a relationship i’d pursue to be honest.

I’d be very uncomfortable with that. Will he still be doing it when she’s 12?

“She's a little girl whose parents have split up and she needs comfort. Stop policing her interactions with her dad.”

Well said.

When my ex left my kids jumped into bed with me for months. But they see me all the time. I really don’t blame her for wanting to be with her dad.

@FrownedUpon

That isn’t a relationship i’d pursue to be honest.

I’d be very uncomfortable with that. Will he still be doing it when she’s 12?

Oh shut up!! Are you saying all dads are abusers? She is a little girl.

@Feelingoktoday why so rude and aggressive?

What is your issue though?

Id be pissed off if my husband came in and woke me up too tbh!

What does it matter if he slept there or with you .. waking him to then get up and come to your room to then try get back to sleep is stupid 😂🤷‍♀️

Are you jealous

@Fupoffyagrasshole

What is your issue though?

Id be pissed off if my husband came in and woke me up too tbh!

What does it matter if he slept there or with you .. waking him to then get up and come to your room to then try get back to sleep is stupid 😂🤷‍♀️

Are you jealous

Are you having a bad day today???

My ex complained about me doing this. Couldn’t see why I prioritised their need for co-sleeping. I spilt up with him.

It’s not the whole week. Accept it’s something important to both of them.

🤷‍♀️

[quote Babyghirl]@Selkiequalia
@liveforsummer
My cuz had ss in her life due to ending up with her grandson but had a 6 year old daughter also as they do the house inspection wanted to c the sleeping arrangements and where the grandson would sleep, she told them her daughter shared a bed with her and they told her it was not appropriate and she needed a bed and room off her own and the grandson had to be in the other room in his cot.[/quote]
And when did the social worker tell your female cousin who was caring for her grandson that it’s especially inappropriate for seven year old girls to sleep alongside their fathers?

I’m imagining that in fact didn’t happen at all, and what actually happened is the social worker said each child must have access to a bed of their own. Which this child has.

I don’t think it’s creepy. She’s 7, she misses her dad, he misses her and probably feels guilty for seeing her everyday. My 7 year old would love me to sleep in her bed at night and sometimes I get in with her for a bit. He shouldn’t be talking to you like that though, doesn’t show a lot of respect towards you.

I think it’s sweet that he does that, she’ll grow out of it in a few years anyway. He only sees her 2-3 times a week so it’s not like it’s every night.

@Greenmarmalade

My ex complained about me doing this. Couldn’t see why I prioritised their need for co-sleeping. I spilt up with him.

It’s not the whole week. Accept it’s something important to both of them.

I agree with this. It just seems mean trying to keep them apart.

@Kanaloa
Funny enough did I say father, she co-slept with her mother and ss said it was not appropriate She should be in her own bed.