My partner sleeps in his daughters bed when she stays over - AIBU

[mae2014]

My partner and I have been living together almost 2 years,
I have a great relationship with his DD7 and she’s over 2/3 times a week and stays one night the odd weekend when she wants to. (He tries to have her stay every weekend but sometimes she fancies it sometimes she doesn’t, that’s ok, but she knows she’s always welcome)

Am I being unreasonable though to be annoyed when he gets into her bed and refuses to come into ours?
He dotes on her and we find it so hard to get her to sleep because she refuses to unless he sleeps with her or if she’s in our bed,

Am i being silly by being annoyed that I’ve just gone to ask him to come to bed and he basically told me to f*ck off ?

Tell this mum it OK to Co sleep

www.transparencyproject.org.uk/correction-request-re-inaccurate-headlines-mother-who-let-her-two-boys-sleep-in-her-bed-has-them-taken-away-by-judge/

Babyghirl this is the actual case. These children were not removed for coalescing. It was a minor point of the case and proved the mother wasn’t listening to ‘advice’, cosleeping itself was not the reason the children were removed.

Sorry bloody autocorrect cosleeping.

But the children were removed because of evidence if bruising and physical harm.

Her father sleeping with her daughter is fine, she is still young and soon it won't happen she will outgrow it. I personally don't think it is right if you are sleeping with her, out of respect for her mother

Why is it that some adults think it's unreasonable for a parent to co-sleep with their child because they think the adult should be sleeping with them instead. You find it hard to sleep without him? Maybe she does too. You like snuggling up to someone you love? Maybe they do too.

@Babyghirl

For everyone saying it's normal , well in the eyes of ss it's deemed inappropriate to Co sleep with your kids after a certain age 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Esp a 7 year old with her daddy

You said this. You said it’s inappropriate in the eyes of social services, especially for a child ‘with her daddy.’ You then said your evidence for this was a woman who was told by a social worker that a child needed to have their own bed. That was the contradiction I was pointing out.

At no point have you provided any evidence that a father sleeping alongside his seven year old would be an issue in the eyes of social services, only that a family already involved with social services was told a child needed to have a bed of their own to access. So in other words you were just talking nonsense and making up that social services would intervene on the sole basis that a child was sleeping next to their parent.

@Babyghirl - funnily I'm not convinced by the accuracy of a Sun news article on this issue. Its really astoundingly unlikely the children were removed solely because of co-sleeping.

And then the one evidence you have linked to specifically says two children were removed due to bruising being noticed on them and a failure to act appropriately re safe co-sleeping and feeding advice. So utterly irrelevant.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/2850500/mum-who-let-her-two-kids-sleep-in-her-bed-has-them-taken-away-and-put-up-for-adoption/

@Kanaloa
Well if they said it was inappropriate for a girl of seven to Co sleep with her mother well what would they think of a father and daughter of 7. the link to the story is there to read.

Have you read the article? Or do you have extremely poor reading comprehension? The child had bruising because of the father using excessive force and they were removed because the mother was not following safe co-sleeping advice.

No child was removed simply because they slept in bed with their parents. I’m sure you know that but are pressing this point for some unknown reason.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

People who think it's creepy are saying more about themselves

Yes. All those awful women who were sexually abused by family members… they should really get a grip, eh?

If we were talking about a woman and her daughter, sexual abuse wouldn't even be brought into the mix. If he was going to abuse her, it would be at any time of day. Don't make a father and daughter co-sleeping into something weird. It's not.

@babyghirl read the article I posted, it debunks your article!

@SmallWaistFatFace
98% of sexual crimes are committed by males.
My point was, that it is rude, shortsighted and unreasonable to dismiss people who are uncomfortable with this and saying so, on a public forum about the topic, as needing to get over themselves when it’s perfectly possible this reminds them of a childhood trauma they wouldn’t want to happen to anyone else.
I haven’t said there’s anything weird or creepy. I’ve just said to stop being rude to posters who are uncomfortable with it because it’s perfectly possible they have very good reason to feel that way.

he’s in the bed with her he ends up falling asleep, I wake him up then he refuses to move…

Maybe he cba to get up after you've woke him up?!

Our 7 year old hates the dark and sleeping alone. One of us always falls asleep with her, and if not she’ll always come through to sleep with us. It’s ok to make your child feel safe and secure. It won’t last forever.

Our 11 year old was the same for awhile but hasn’t been through to us for many years. Don’t get upset about it. I don’t think there is a sleep issue or anything like that. It’s just for comfort 😀

@Babyghirl are you kidding me that you think the first sleeping alone was the reason these d dc were removed. The children in question had frequent unexplained bruises and injuries including a fracture one from the age of 4 months old. The parents consistently ignored advice, didn't engage with social services and continued with the tough handling of the dc. The co sleeping was an added extra not because it was being done but because it wasn't being done safely. You're hardly going to prove your point (not sure why you keep trying when it's utterly false) by sharing one hugely inaccurate headline from one of the most well known to be misleading newspapers around. I can assure you no child of 6/7/8 has ever been removed because a parent sometimes falls asleep in their bed. No social worker would have anything to say about such a situation.

@liveforsummer
I don't need to prove a point I heard it for myself when ss said it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️, and at the end off the day you have your opinion I have mine so you argue your point I will argue mine just means none of us is going to win because we don't agree with each others opinions 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈.

It's absolutely nothing to do with opinions. Your opinions affect how you parent your own child, they don't change facts. Your comprehension of situations mean you are misunderstanding individual circumstances to use as examples. It's fact, not my opinion, that sleeping along side your child on occasion alone is not a welfare concern to social services.

I hope he wasn’t that rude to you. But you must accept his daughter comes first and she is still at that age where she wants to sleep with her mama/papa. My dd is 9 and she still wants to sleep with me or her dad most nights. She is slowly starting to transition to her own room. She is starting to realise she sleeps better in her room. But before that she slept with us or one of us every night since the age of 2. My ds is the same and he is almost 8. My dh and I have chosen to sleep separate and each sleep w one child. Now that my eldest is moving out, I a suspect my third who is almost 2 will make her way to my bed at some point. We allow this because we feel they are only young for such a short time and one day we will miss it. Plus we enjoy it now.

I also must add that I was the same and used to sleep in between my parents or with one of them bc sometimes my dad slept in the guest room. I did this until age 11/12!! Or I would sneak into my sisters room. It was mainly bc I was scared of ghosts at night. Usually I would crawl in when they were already sleeping. So i started in my room and then would go to whichever room I felt like going to for that night. They would never kick me out. Or leave me alone if I was scared.