DH stag do

[user12123]

Firstly I know I have trouble with insecurities and low self esteem both of which I'm getting help for.

I've name changed as I don't want this thread linked to any of my others.

DH and I have been together for over 10 years and have only been with each other (relevant to the rest of the post) and tbh are in a great place however I feel like I'm in self destruct mode due to an upcoming stag do next month in which he is best man. The thing that is bothering me is that the destination is abroad (might be outing if I'm specific about the location) and the reputation that it has.

I have no problems with DH doing things outside of our marriage and having time out from DC etc but the thought of him being out there makes me feel uneasy. He is against strip clubs etc and has said he will not entertain them unless he felt unsafe being the only one out the group to wait outside/find his way back to the hotel. I trust him completely and he is the best DH and DF but I can't handle the thought of him possibly going into a club especially in a place like this.

I'm really just looking for some words of advice on how to deal with these feelings and to be told the stag so won't be as bad as I'm building it up in my head!

I trust he won't cheat and wouldn't be buying any dances etc if he had to go inside but spirling into a ball of insecurity and it's impacted my mental health majorly. As we have only been intimate with each other I feel as though dynamics will change and he will prefer their body to mine etc.

Sorry for the long post.

Update.

Had a chat with DH tonight about it all and he couldn't have been more understanding and comforting. He's reassured me that under no circumstances he will be entertaining the idea of a strip club never mind entering one as he isn't into them in the slightest. He said ethical reasons aside, he would never put our marriage at risk/hurt me purposefully especially not for the sake of a strip club which he'd hate anyway. He wishes I had spoken with him sooner instead of torturing myself.

All i can do is hope that he is the man I think he is and give him my complete trust and keep myself busy when he's away!

That's great op.

You could plan some different things for yourself and kids while hes away : somethi g you haven't tried before that is challenging/absorbing; I find those are good for focusing your mind on what you are doing and nothing else.

BTW it's not too late as he hasn't left. He can still pull out.

@SleepingBunnies21

That's great op.

You could plan some different things for yourself and kids while hes away : somethi g you haven't tried before that is challenging/absorbing; I find those are good for focusing your mind on what you are doing and nothing else.

I'll have a think and see what I can come up with! Any ideas?

@SunshineCake1

BTW it's not too late as he hasn't left. He can still pull out.

That's very true however I'd never ask or expect him to miss out on the off chance that all his friends are twats! Just having to trust what he says he's going to do/what he does. He's never given me reasons to not trust him and has happily sat out before when everyone else has ventured into a club so this time should be no different :)

Ok this is my DH plan in these situations. He will just say he's not interested in going and go to another bar. He is lucky as his mate doesn't like them either. If that doesn't work he goes but sits/ stays at the bar area. I honestly don't worry about it as i know that he hates the environment and will not particularly engage in anything.

I'll have a think and see what I can come up with! Any ideas?

This time of the year is not ideal for the so of sporty things i had in mind eg sailing (which doesn't give you a minute to think about anything else), kayaking, climbing etc

I suppose climbing is possible indoors ni matter what time of year, some clubs do kayaking etc in pools.

Alternatively craft courses if you're not into sports.

Blokes are really not very good at reassuring their partners.
"I don't like strip clubs but if they all go in....." and other such shite. Where's the respect, where's the proper behaviour, where's the love and respect?
Better still, don't go on the stag, and go away with your very significant other.
I hate man children. Man, 66.

An update for those who may be interested in the outcome from the end of last year...

DH is a man of his word who managed to go to Prague on a stag do and avoid all strip clubs. To reassure me prior to going he set up find location so I would know he was safe (and to help with directions at the of the night which ended up being the case every night!) and every night he called me/FaceTimed me when he was back in his hotel.

I know going forward I need to put my anxiety aside as time and time again DH proves how trustworthy and respectful he is.

You sound very controlling.

Not really a need for your input there but thanks anyway.

Not that I need to explain myself but DH WAS THE ONE who wanted the find my friends activated (I have never used it before neither has he) as he knew the group would at some point disappear and he wanted to feel safe.

Secondly, I didn't ask for the multiple FaceTimes or calls as frankly I have two toddlers who are up at the crack of dawn but he obviously missed home and wanted to chat.

He was waved off by a happy face and no rules were in place :)