Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

999 replies

BelladiMamma · 29/09/2021 23:31

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!
OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 01/10/2021 16:12

@Stayingstrongish

Agree the situation sounds a bit dodgy - it’s like he’s grooming you to have low expectations - but knows you’re attracted to him.

Shayelle2009 · 01/10/2021 18:39

Happy birthday @MayEye 🎈🥂🎂 xx

SpringlikeBunk · 01/10/2021 19:00

BrewCakeFlowers @MayEye and very glad things are going well with MrL!

FireandBrimstone · 01/10/2021 21:00

Happy birthday @MayEye!

Took a wee break... coming back with not that much more to report, but I'll do so once I've RTFT... ASAP.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 01/10/2021 22:59

Happy birthday @MayEye! 🎉🍾🥂

Well, I'm back on Bumble. And you'll never guess... Mr Casual has popped up on my beeline like he always does. Yay! 😳

And yep... he's made a new account, as per usual.

MayEye · 01/10/2021 23:04

Thanks for all of the well wishes fellow daters Smile I had a lovely day off work getting hair done shopping and a takeaway/wine with my mam and sisters tonight -it’s been great. And excited to see Mr L again tomorrow before a long break when we won’t see each other so I’ll make the most of it.
I love the support on here

MayEye · 01/10/2021 23:05

Good to see you back Onwards , was Mr Casual the last guy you friendzoned?

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 01/10/2021 23:26

@MayEye

Good to see you back Onwards , was Mr Casual the last guy you friendzoned?
@MayEye no, that was Mr Gambit. Mr Casual is the one who likes talking about sex continually. ❤️
MayEye · 02/10/2021 07:44

Lovely, lucky you Grin Grin

TwatInTinFoil · 02/10/2021 09:41

I had to be direct with my new iron who was literally texting all the time...just reading through and we need to nip the behaviour in the bud.

I'd already not replied and he carried on...I'd not even met the guy....only chatting a day.

Do men not realise how they come across? I told him I didn't want contact anymore anyway, sick of trying to appease these types and feeling bad.b

TwatInTinFoil · 02/10/2021 09:43

It's scary though...

How do we spot these creeps early? They come across as caring an d nice but have no respect for boundaries I feel.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 02/10/2021 11:01

Went back on Tinder after a break. Did more right swiping than usual - I think the good ones accumulate while you're away and are front loaded when you return. One match, local, seems friendly enough, decent chat - I'll call him Mr Gardener before he disappears.

Shayelle2009 · 02/10/2021 11:14

I hear you @TwatInTinFoil / Bang. I had one like that and it was such a shame because on paper he seemed like perfection.. good job, same interests like we could have been made for each other! But never ended up meeting him as he scared me off with his constant texting. Even my dad said not to meet him as he would be a pest!!

TwatInTinFoil · 02/10/2021 11:48

How are you getting on shayelle? Any new irons?

I think I remember your OTT texter and your dad saying he would be a pest 🤣 it's true...if they are like this now what would they be like after a date.

Shayelle2009 · 02/10/2021 11:56

Haha yeah good memory @TwatInTinFoil 😬 ive not been on any apps in quite a while, can’t be fucked with any of it! x

TwatInTinFoil · 02/10/2021 11:57

I'm similar...I got a cat instead 😀

Shayelle2009 · 02/10/2021 11:59

Haha nice @TwatInTinFoil! I also have a cat 😅 I love her, shes very annoying though lol 🤣🤣

FireandBrimstone · 02/10/2021 12:05

@TwatInTinFoil

I'm similar...I got a cat instead 😀
That makes it a TwatCat! Love it.

(Actually, cats are definitely the best. I have two. They are a fairly satisfactory source of adoration in current bleak times)

JustAnother0ldMan · 02/10/2021 12:11

@TwatInTinFoil

I had to be direct with my new iron who was literally texting all the time...just reading through and we need to nip the behaviour in the bud.

I'd already not replied and he carried on...I'd not even met the guy....only chatting a day.

Do men not realise how they come across? I told him I didn't want contact anymore anyway, sick of trying to appease these types and feeling bad.b

Now this is interesting, as I’ve been on the other end of this, trying to chat with someone who takes ages to respond to anything, it’s so bloody annoying. I know that some people aren’t glued to their phones/ devices, but taking a day or more to respond is crap 💩, and women think men are poor at communicating…, it it’s just some people (women and men) just either can’t stop communicating texting or don’t understand how to respond in a timely fashion
SortingItOut · 02/10/2021 12:21

Thanks everyone for your comments yesterday, to answer a few comments/questions
@Naimee87 I have met his son a handful of times but his son does not know we're in a relationship. It was Mr K who made it clear that he doesn't want his son to get involved with me and I'm happy with that.
His son got attached to Mr K's ex and her children and when they split it was very upsetting for the children to be split up as they had been in each others lives for 3 years and Mr K doesn't want that for his son again.

It was nice (in a way) that he wants a relationship with me instead of FWB but I'd be happy with FWB because there is no expectation with FWB, whereas with a relationship you expect things of them and when that doesn't happen you end up disappointed.

@BelladiMamma I am in limbo still, I saw him again last night as Friday nights are one of our normal nights and I feel I've got 1 leg out of the relationship.
I mean we had a nice evening and morning but something feels off.

We popped to my mums and my brother, who he went fishing with was there, and he mentioned to Mr K that he has found a fishing lake 2 hrs away and is thinking of taking a week off work to go and Mr K is welcome😱
You couldn't make it up😂 Obviously my brother doesn't know about the issue during the week.

Tonight is the party so I'm looking forward to dressing up and getting drunk, I'm staying at my best friends house which will be nice.

Roll on Monday when I've got counselling and can discuss the whole situation and try to get my head round it.

@MayEye Apologies for not mentioning your birthday yesterday, sounds like you had a great day. Enjoy your time with Mr L.

Mylifestartstoday · 02/10/2021 12:45

Mr Caterpillar, I’m fading him out. He was very clear about not wanting a relationship, but I don’t want to be a pen pal either when he’s having issues at work.
Mr Van, I’ve had a few dates and he’s being a gentleman, but I wish he’d just make a move as I need to see if I feel anything. 🙄. He reminds me of my ex, who appeared charming and kind, caring etc but over the years turned into a cheating liar. Men can’t win with me, they appear keen and I’m not trusting of their motives, or they just want sex and I’m not trusting of their motives 😂
Then I chatted to Mr…..Hypocritical. Asking how long I’d been single, and whether I’d had intimacy since with anyone. I said yes, and he said I wasn’t for him. He wanted the casual sex, but with someone who hadn’t had casual sex (ever) with someone else. Genuinely didn’t understand that his logic was flawed, and he’s a misogynistic arse

FireandBrimstone · 02/10/2021 12:51

Update from the Brimstone Castle of Little Action.

Mr Printer
Despite the abruptly ended 45min coffee date zero, he has been in touch daily since. Quite entertaining, but very superficial really. Feeling I'm going to have to have a kind of ultimatumy chat with him because although it's admirable that he is so committed to being involved with his children on a daily basis around his shifts, it leaves zero time to develop anything with me, and he's not articulating any effort to make that time.

Mr Sexty
I had deleted / archived him after he was due to call me but didn't. My view at the time was that this had 'smoked him out' to prove that all he really wanted was someone to share sex gifs with (🙄). To cut a long story short, 3 weeks later he's back on the scene and there may have been a bit of a joint misunderstanding. We had a first call earlier this week in which he was quite open, honest and ticked a few of my boxes. I may rename him... although the gif chat is still ongoing 🤷‍♀️

Still limited to only a couple of apps due to ongoing issues with STBXH.

Nowt much else doing apart from a brief but very eye opening encounter with someone over a few days this week when the possibility of a FWB arrangement was being explored. A couple of evenings of the kind of sexting and videos (his) that makes Mr Sexty's efforts pale into insignificance... And then a message two days later to say he'd found someone else to FWB with 😆.

I know there's been lots of chat here previously about the whole sexting thing but it is definitely still new to me and this week's encounter prompted me to have to make loads of new decisions about my boundaries and also body confidence (increasing, as I've now lost 1.5st and am not that far away now from my weight loss goal ). So in a way it was very empowering.

I'm also increasingly coming round to fact that FWB is really what would work for me rather than anything with higher expectations or demands right now, which is also liberating in a way.

Another outcome of this particular encounter is that I've actually started writing erotic literature, so definitely some unexpected extra Benefits!

Finally, had an interesting chat with DC1 last night who discovered their Dad is on Tinder. They were surprisingly pragmatic (although it didn't appear to be on their mind that I might be on the apps too... and I didn't mention ofc). This is a significant step in terms of one child accepting the separation (which happened a year ago) and the inevitable next steps. A little win, though I know DC2 isn't ready for that and I'm in no rush or need to push it.

FireandBrimstone · 02/10/2021 12:55

@JustAnother0ldMan it's always so interesting having your counter-view to things from a man's perspective, I know there are one or two others on here too. I have to admit the mega-messaging would be pissing me right off but I think it's inevitable for the first day or two (not to the irritating extent you're experiencing, @TwatInTinFoil). It's absolutely impossible to sustain for a long period especially if a meeting hasn't happened or a next isn't imminent, but even then I'd say as long it was every day / every other day surely that's reasonable.

FireandBrimstone · 02/10/2021 12:57

@Mylifestartstoday WTF at Mr Hypocritical!!!?

Mylifestartstoday · 02/10/2021 13:12

@FireandBrimstone I know right? Then he wished me salvation 😂🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread