Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@Dazedandconfused10

I'm looking at 35-40 and they are open to kids or want them! Or already have them, which also takes them out the equation. Maybe I'm being too particular.

Also, consider going up the age range? Less likely to want kids?

@BelladiMamma

That sounds nice and 100% agree with the boundary on the hosting issue - if he was really really keen on dating actively he could look for something cheap to rent, find a great AirBnB he can take dates on for weekends away.

But I wouldn't want the default to be someone coming to mine.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

That sounds nice and 100% agree with the boundary on the hosting issue - if he was really really keen on dating actively he could look for something cheap to rent, find a great AirBnB he can take dates on for weekends away.

But I wouldn't want the default to be someone coming to mine.[/quote]
Yes, it's just not where his head is at, despite his occasional flirtatiousness on WhatsApp...

I've left MrActor a couple of short and flirty good luck messages. No harm in that I hope 🤞🏽... I'm not about to turn into an ice maiden despite wishing I could have some magic formula which helped me to attract the right sort of man... Like the porridge in the story, not too hot, not too cold ...

@BelladiMamma good idea about the opening liner, I'm not sure about increasing age range, I feel even 40 is maybe pushing it for age gap for me!

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@BelladiMamma good idea about the opening liner, I'm not sure about increasing age range, I feel even 40 is maybe pushing it for age gap for me![/quote]
I'm not sure how old you are so definitely don't go into an age range you're uncomfortable dating.

Also, start to view OLD as a marathon & not a magic bullet. I fully expect to be semi single for some time yet, and just meeting people now and again with a spark.

Yeah its definitly a marathon! I've been single for 2 years now and I'm so bored of it but I need stop assume every date will end up with more than that.

@Dazedandconfused10

Yeah its definitly a marathon! I've been single for 2 years now and I'm so bored of it but I need stop assume every date will end up with more than that.

Even after a fair amount of 'editing' my irons list before agreeing to meets, I generally assume that I'm not going to like someone 🤣

Thanks to everyone who replied regarding my question re whether men are stating on their profile about wanting to have children etc.

When and if I do return to the dating scene, I will be more open to those who don;t have any children (but don't want any/or have children already|) as that pressure will have been removed (I'm currently pregnant so I won't be ready for a while!)

Everything before was about settling down (having children, not marriage) so I'm curious how I'd actual approach dating in the future! I guess the issues of chemistry will always be there...and general compatibility....but it is nice not to have be in utter despair over the children issues which is what dating used to make me feel like...

Checking in after a few days and been loving hearing what everyone’s been up to 😆 except for @SortingItOut so sorry to hear about your cat.

Still no OLD for me but I’m back to the office and all if my inappropriate historic crushes have risen right back up to the surface so I’m just completely living in a fantasy land in my head, with nothing going on IRL as usual. 😣😢 I NEED DISTRACTION!

Also watched Heat which appeared on netflix and been appreciating the gift from god that was Robert de Niro in 1995…
Not really interested in anyone unless they’re a carbon copy of him!

Waves to @Naimee87, @BelladiMamma, @Isitreallyme177, @SpringlikeBunk hope you are all well 💗

First, I would like to thank everyone who has made contributions to this thread being open and honest regarding the minefield of dating, as a male looking in it has been very enlightening

This issue of male profiles and children is of particular interest now I’m single, I’ve looked at dating apps, filled 2 profiles out to date on different platforms then deleted as I just can’t seem to take that final step

Both times I have said no to children on the profile (I have 2 teenage DD) but if I was to meet someone, fall in love and say for this example they have never had children I think I would seriously consider it. So, would that make my profile a work of fiction, or should I stick to what’s originally said?

What do you do if the lady makes the 1st move on my profile and I’m attracted to her, I really don’t know how you manage so many differing variables without coming across indecisive on a profile?

Or am I over thinking ?

Finally I love the phrase ‘irons’ is there a female equivalent ?

@Shayelle2009 how are youuu? Love the fantasy crushes, they're a nightmare but that's the joy of being back at work I guess ..

@StartingAgain6369 can you give some context to your dilemma? I wasn't sure what you meant, do you mean if someone swipes / matches with you? I think irons is a non gender specific term

Got one very rushed voice note between performances ... nice upbeat tone but ... he signed off very quickly and nothing personal in it for me so ... I think I'm going to step back and leave off messaging. That will be hard for me! But I really need to. I can't get hung up on him so easily ...

Irons isn't male, it just means irons in the fire.

Re the kids thing, there's no need to mention it. Mention you have kids (in a "I see my kids every blah and we love doing x as a family together", not "my beautiful princess are my world and any woman would have to understand that they come first" sort of way!)

But I don't think you need to say if you would or would not date a woman with kids or if you would or would not consider more kids in future. It's not something you're really expected to be able to predict. What age are you btw?

If a "laydee" makes a move on your profile - I'm assuming you means she sends you a message, you reply and therein starts a chat exchange. Or not. Don't get your hopes up 😁
And don't give anyone any money!

@Dazedandconfused10

I've actively not pursued anyone on apps who say they want children but had been wondering if that's something men put because they think that that what women want. I even have debating doing the paid bumble so I can filter out more. Children are an absolute no for me and it's really hard to find men who also don't want children (or men interested in me for more than 2 dates )

I suspect they don't even think about it that much usually. Unless they literally write it I'd take it with a lunch of salt but ask them fairly early in the chat.

People often seem surprised when I ask about something in their profile, they forget what they put!

@BelladiMamma loved hearing about your adventure! Hope he provides more of what you need 💗
Oh god the work crushes! It’s difficult 🤣 maybe I need the apps! Oh I don’t know 🙂🙂 xx

Hey @Shayelle2009 👋. I'm good just busy with work (and trying not to be a drama queen over the cat, who keeps looking at me like I'm a dickhead now). Hope you're doing well 💗

I have just created profiles on Hinge, Tinder and Bumble. Probabaly won't go back of PoF as I have never had any luck from there.
I have finally managed to get on top of my work load do I no longer feel like I'm drowning or having to work until 1am.

@vangoghsdog thats probably true. Urgh I feel very dejected today, I had such high hopes for the one I just met.

@Isitreallyme177 how’s kitty? And Mr Cricket? ☺️X

@Isitreallyme177 my cat is being sooo cute at the minute. Because it’s turned chilly. I love it 🥰🥰

Thanks @BelladiMamma & @VanGoghsDog

"can you give some context to your dilemma? I wasn't sure what you meant, do you mean if someone swipes / matches with you?"

What I'm trying to say is if a lady with no children but would like children in the future swipes and matches with me, with my profile not wanting anymore children............ if everything fell into place I think I would seriously think about it, even at my current age of 52

But I'm not sure that scenario would ever happen but it has crossed my mind

Good to see you @Dancerinthemoonlight and @Shayelle2009

(and everyone really! I love all you threadies!)

@StartingAgain6369

I think for meeting people I wouldn't go too "detailed" in examining the profiles and making judgements?

Especially when starting, it's so easy to go by superficial stuff like "common interests" or "impressive photos".

I'd work out 100% non-negotiables and go from there. Eg smoking is a big one for me which I KNOW I can't get over.

Do they look ok, are they easy to interact with, have some early chat and try and get a sense of character/feeling comfortable not "impressiveness"? then go for a quick meet. Think about it as meeting new people not finding The One.

@Shayelle2009 the cat is better, think the threat of the vet worked but I also think she misses her sister as she has started sleeping in all her sister's beds. Mr Cricket is okay too, he has some stuff going on right now.

@StartingAgain6369

I think maybe you're also overthinking/overplanning things a bit (common and everyone does it!). Just meet new people and see what happens and take it one date at a time, without worrying about the longer term.

I'd say it's quite common to maybe not find 100% relationships straight away, but even a few good dates, and someone you date happily for eight months or so?

Second meet in the bag with MrSardinia.

Woohoo. Who cares if I'm in love with someone else 🤣🤣🤣

Is tinder glitching for anyone else? It's telling me my profile is incomplete and won't show me the whole thing. Apparently it's still visible but it's annoying me!

@Dazedandconfused10 which is the one you just met?

I've got two first dates lined up this week. One is a recent match and it's been a bit hard work chatting, but I've just double checked and he wants to meet. So we'll see how we get on in person. The other I've been chatting to since matching with Mr Scot, but haven't been able to meet until now. I'm aiming for a much more light touch approach... No jumping in feet first! But we'll see there too... 😁