Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@JustAnother0ldMan so frustrating having to go through this. Definitely the 'cowardly' way out especially if things had been going well like you describe. And it's come out of the blue. The 'not-knowing' makes it especially difficult to understand. But i've learned two things on here, never chase a ghoster let them disappear and a lot of the time 'ghosters' return after weeks, months etc. and almost expect for things to continue as if no time had passed. Had you been chatting to other people as well or 'come off the apps' ...
@sortingitout hope you managed a good nights sleep and perhaps things are a little clearer in your mind ready to talk to MrK tonight.

I just had MrE at my door, turned up unannounced. Luckily i had a work call beginning 20minutes after he arrived. Weirdly he says all the right things and presents himself very well, kind, considerate and caring. Makes me feel like a crazy person for wanting to end things. If this is how 'gas-lighting' works no wonder so many women find it so difficult to extricate themselves from toxic relationships. He's told me he'll leave me alone but would appreciate it if i could find time to have a 'proper' conversation with him. I won't be doing this. I was clear i want to end things for good and he needs to accept it. Meeting again would just give him a sense of 'false hope' ...

@Naimee87 I wouldn't be too impressed with him turning up unannounced. It's just getting weird now.

I checked WhatsApp 🤦‍♀️ Mr Cricket read it straight away yesterday. Not gonna worry though as I know he is flying this week and he'll reply when he gets a chance.

Morning all
JustAnother0ldMan
Sorry I saw your post on the other thread about ghosting
Mean 😡 people

Not much to report this end , my sons started school refusing again , so that and the no petrol ⛽️ is stressing me

But have a couple of lunch dates lined up with a younger , and older man

@Isitreallyme177 yea so strange. He makes me really second guess myself too even though i know my reasons for ending things are so valid they all seem to sound completely far fetched when i see him. I have to say i’m relieved though that he’s come by. I felt like it was bound to happen at some point. And my fault too as i should have just entertained his messages/calls when i ended things. For him he’s been ‘blind-sided’ which means he hasn’t properly read my messages/reasons for us not working. I’m hoping this is the end and we’ll not be seeing/hearing from him again. I think he has a lot of work to do on himself which he doesn’t see. As for MrCricket, have you ever tried to go low contact with him. I tend to find the more available we make ourselves little to no effort comes back from them/their side. Magnet-man went silent for 6 weeks on me now he’s in daily contact and i’m keeping messages to a minimum as hard as it is i think coming across too available does us no favours at all.

@Naimee87 you know what my advice is.

The man is stalking you.

Log, report, block, delete.

Get a non molestation order.

Inform all your neighbours, your son's school and think about having a male friend to stay. Protect yourself. Get a rape alarm, cameras, a new doorbell ('Ring' is good).

Don't try to excuse his behaviour. You wouldn't do this to a lone female parent. You wouldn't do it to anyone. Be selfish. Be savvy. Be unforgiving. The man is a danger to you.

@Naimee87 it isn't your fault he hasn't got the message and turning up uninvited is not on. You don't have to explain yourself to him, you've told him it wasn't working and he needs to accept it. What would you say if it was one of your female friends in this situation?

Mr Cricket and I don't message much(usually once or twice a week) although since he got back from his holiday he has been a bit more active (sending me silly memes) and I didn't message once whilst he was away so there is some truth in what you say about cutting communication right back.

[quote Naimee87]@JustAnother0ldMan so frustrating having to go through this. Definitely the 'cowardly' way out especially if things had been going well like you describe. And it's come out of the blue. The 'not-knowing' makes it especially difficult to understand. But i've learned two things on here, never chase a ghoster let them disappear and a lot of the time 'ghosters' return after weeks, months etc. and almost expect for things to continue as if no time had passed. Had you been chatting to other people as well or 'come off the apps' ...
@sortingitout hope you managed a good nights sleep and perhaps things are a little clearer in your mind ready to talk to MrK tonight.

I just had MrE at my door, turned up unannounced. Luckily i had a work call beginning 20minutes after he arrived. Weirdly he says all the right things and presents himself very well, kind, considerate and caring. Makes me feel like a crazy person for wanting to end things. If this is how 'gas-lighting' works no wonder so many women find it so difficult to extricate themselves from toxic relationships. He's told me he'll leave me alone but would appreciate it if i could find time to have a 'proper' conversation with him. I won't be doing this. I was clear i want to end things for good and he needs to accept it. Meeting again would just give him a sense of 'false hope' ...[/quote]
What!!??

MrE needs to leave you alone now. You gave him time to have a chat and he didn't take it up, he's playing silly games now. Next time he contacts you, or even now, send a text saying you no longer want any contact from him and if he doesn't respect this you'll involve the police.

And mean it.

He's stalking now.

@JustAnother0ldMan ghosting is just crap and so cowardly. Sure there are a million and one reasons why someone might want to bring something to an end but everyone deserves a closure message even if it's just to say 'I'm not feeling it'

Checking in, thank you @BelladiMamma for the new thread.
It's great to see all the newbies joining the thread, welcome!

Things still going swimmingly with MrMud, I've now deleted all my dating app profiles, if things don't work out with MrMud I would be looking for a fresh start elsewhere anyway, so it seemed a good time to get rid of them all.

We've spoken a lot recently about the future and even when I mentioned my plans for christmas, his reply assumed that we would be together and we would be doing things together, so I think he is seeing this as a long term thing too.

I still pinch myself that this is really happening, he is so unlike anyone I've ever dated before, our interests and way of life are quite different, but we really seem to click together.

MrE has crossed a line turning up like that @Naimee87 I'd send a message like @VanGoghsDog suggests and mean it too.
@Sugaspunsista is this the guy you thought had ghosted? Hope you've got some answers/boundaries re communication now he's gone back, sorry if I've missed something. Struggling to keep up with new people and namechangers!
Terrible behaviours @JustAnother0ldMan hope you can out it behind you and get back on the horse.
Miss Nature sounds lovely @feeficken fingers crossed the meet goes well!
Hope the weather is better than here, wherever you are @Dancerinthemoonlight
Still cosy on the smitten bench with Mr D and have deleted all trace of Mr O as he keeps popping up and trying to mess with my head. It's just irritating now.

@Heartbeats0708 yes it is. And yes and no really... he thinks it hasn't been long at all and seemed really confused about my reaction.... bit this has illustrated to me that we are not really in a relationship.. and tbh that had helped in a way

@BelladiMamma Thanks for the thread.

@Naimee87 Mr E may have been 'blindsided' but that does not excuse his behaviour, it doesn't matter that you wouldn't take his calls and explain further. Normal people do not harass you by calls, texts, turning up at your house when things end.
I am worried for your safety.
My ex did all what Mr E did and despite him knowing for 17 years I was unhappy and why he still claimed to be 'blindsided' when we split and asked me to explain time and time again, he wasn't blindsided at all, he just didn't want to accept the truth and thought he could change my mind.
Mr E is doing exactly this.
You don't need to explain anything, saying things are over are enough. You are sounding like an abused woman with your explanation to justify his behaviour.
You owe him nothing.

@Naimee87

just echoing what the others are saying PLEASE send one firm message saying his behaviour is unwanted and asking him not to contact you in person, or by message, or you'll report him for harassment.

This is NOT normal behaviour

He's sitting there thinking about how to lie and manipulate you and disrupt your life (this isn't about closure - you offered a conversation last week and he claimed he was too busy - even though he's unemployed!) and things may escalate.

My biggest issue right now with MissNature is I seem to second guess myself a lot, we’ll have a phone call and afterwards I will be like oh I hope that didn’t sound like I was getting ahead of myself 🤷‍♂️. I’ll the send a message and say hope that didn’t come across that way 🙈. I have no idea why I do that, I guess it’s down to the fact I was with my ex from a young age so don’t have any experience to draw from.

Yes i'm about to send one final message to him to say i really didn't like that he turned up and he needs to stop contacting me otherwise i will contact the local police and be giving them his name. Having him come here today just 10000% made me realise we are so wrong for each other and that he has no idea how he comes across to other people. I'll keep you all posted because it's meant a lot to be able to share everything on here. Helped me get better perspective and realise i am not the one in the wrong at all. I live in a really good neighbourhood and have a great relationship with all my close neighbours too. I could call on any of them should i need to.
@Dirtyduck this sounds so dreamy! really love the success stories on here like @Heartbeats0708 too with you and MrD still going strong.

MrE sounds unhinged! Block, delete, avoid report. Never communicate with him again. Absolute predator.

@Dirtyduck lovely to hear you’re doing so well together ☺️

Love hearing all the updates on the first few pages.

@Naimee87 Thanks for thinking of me, the dog got me up at 4.30am and I couldn't get back to sleep so its going to be a long day.

Right now I don't even feel bothered our relationship might be over, I know thats not a healthy reaction and wish I had counselling today to talk things through.

Well I made the mistake of reading the coverage of the Sarah Everard case and I feel like I want to leave men behind completely and cancel all my current meets.

I know it was a different situation but it's stirred up some memories and I don't feel like putting myself out there.

Will just sit with it for a while and see how I go. I am not sure how to describe this feeling and don't even want to, to any irons, as I'm so wary of showing that sort of vulnerability.

@BelladiMamma I read her moms statement and it broke my heart 😔

I've just forwarded pics, name, fb details and meeting times and places of my date tomorrow to my sister (which to be fair I always do) and we're meeting in my town so I feel more comfortable on home ground and its nice and busy. I assume men never have these concerns before a date

Thanks all for the words of support, think I will take a break for a bit and have a rethink about dating

@feeficken you’ll be fine mate, you got it.

@BelladiMamma I don’t know what your situation was, but it’s cases like SE that make me ashamed and embarrassed to be a middle aged white man, when I read your comments and think it’s someone like me that has caused you feel this way is awful, please accept my apologies.
I hope you don’t leave men behind and you find someone decent

@JustAnother0ldMan that is a very thoughtful statement. Sadly we live in a patriarchy that seems unwilling to face up to the most shameful consequences of its system. I, like many other women, have had terrifying experiences. Luckily I'm here to tell the tale but I'm jaded and tired and cynical.

@Slothmomma I always do the same. And now I'm thinking I don't want to travel for dates or meets, just some home turf meets are about all I can stomach at the moment. The idea of meeting a stranger far (ish) from home means that MrActor and our Sunday meet are out. I've used my mum's hospitalisationas an excuse. He doesn't need to know that she was hospitalised last week, I've just told a white lie and said it was today. Why won't I tell the truth? Because that would involve telling a stranger what another stranger did to me many years ago 😞

@BelladiMamma 🤗

[quote Slothmomma]@BelladiMamma 🤗[/quote]
I feel awful, like a coward. He sounded so understanding. I just had this image of being so far from home to meet him ... when in reality I have friends who live round the corner and I could duck out at any time. But somehow I can't tell him the truth?

@Heartbeats0708 I'm down in Cornwall so rubbish weather at the moment unfortunately. I don't mind though as I'm spending a lot of time surfing this week and light flirting with the surfers