Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@Naimee87 I’m glad you’ve come to that conclusion-even that statement about a text when you’ve calmed down makes it obvious he is still minimising and ignoring your decision. Be gone Mr E!

Thanks for new thread Bella have just caught up with all the updates.
My update is things are still good with Mr L. It’s my birthday today so he booked a hotel nearby last night and we had dinner and a few hours together in his room I didn’t want to leave. I’m going to see him tomorrow again when I go to stay at his place- I’m nervous about that as he lives with his (adult) son so I’ll probably meet him and that feels huge to me but Mr L has been very reassuring about it. Still no red flags, I’m looking all the time but trying to relax into it and enjoy it for what it is. Definitely joining Heartbeats on the smitten bench

@MayEye that sounds like a lovely evening!!

Sending love and hugs to everyone in this thread affected in any way by the recent murders, it's just unfathomable 💕💕

@Naimee87 I'm pleased you are reflecting on Mr E's behaviour and can see how inappropriate it is. And as for talking about 'when you calm down' that's such a misogynistic statement and again emphasises why he's not a suitable partner.

@Misty9 Sounds like a great night, I hope you told someone his details.
I think he's after an FB/FWB situation and not likely exclusive....is this what you want?
What came first - you not being free or him meeting someone from Tinder?
If it was you not being free and then he arranged a 'non' date I'd see that as spiteful and petty, almost a 'you wont meet me so I'll arrange to see another woman and hopefully make you jealous'.
Game playing is childish.

I met Mr K for a chat last night, it all felt very grown up to be able to do that.
I have an unfortunate affliction so during difficult conversations when I have to talk about my feelings I cry and I hate it, I wish I didn't do that as most of the time I'm not even that sad or upset - I went armed with packs of tissues so was prepared😂

So the chat went ok, I explained my feelings and why I'm so hurt/annoyed/disappointed and he understood and he said he hadn't really thought about having 2 weekends with stuff on and how that would make his son feel🤦‍♀️
I explained how triggering it was for me and he also said me ignoring his message was triggering for him hence his comments and the low blow about his son's feelings and I explained why I was silent - I need to work on this and maybe send a message to say I've read the message and will reply when I've considered it.

I mentioned we'd lost our connection and he has felt the same. I suggested we revert back to FWB/FB and he doesn't want that and doesn't think we could.
He wants a relationship with me and asked what I wanted and I just couldn't say those words, part of me wanted to end it and part of me didn't.
So the upshot is that we're going to make more effort to see each other even on nights I have meetings to keep the connection going and I'm never going to invite him to something on a weekend again.

I feel a bit meh today, I'm going to talk it through with my Counsellor and see how next week pans out as he might have a long weekend fishing....I've told him that I'll be so pissed off if he does.

@SortingItOut, really good to read that you and Mr K had an honest chat and have hopefully cleared the air a little. It seems that you both have busy and full lives but finding quality time for each other is important. I know it mostly works for you to have your weekend free to see friends etc but I think with notice and planning he should be able to commit to special events or trips away with you. It’s all about balance and priorities as we have said before. Let’s hope he realises that a weekend of fishing can never compete with what you can offer

I was feeling fine when i woke up but i've started to feel a bit uneasy for some reason. Happy i'll be away from tomorrow till monday! He genuinely doesn't seem to think there are any issues and that all he has ever done is be the best 'boyfriend' and support to me. I think cultural differences/upbringings have a part to play in this though and thinking back we would never have overcome these.

@Misty9 really do be careful then with this one. Best to occupy yourself and not be too available for him. The more unavailable we are the more appealing we seem, so try to relax and don't let him consume you/your day... weekend. Easier said than done i know!
@SortingItOut isn't it nice to hear that he would like a relationship and not simply FWB/FB? Surely this means he plans to commit more and make the effort to prioritise you and do more 'couples' things. I can't remember if his son know's about you? or whether you wanted to be kept entirely separate from anything to do with his son. It does seem awfully complex to keep everything separate, you, friends, family, work. You're both spreading yourselves very very thin. But that being said i'm really leaning towards trying this approach. I'm such a conundrum i know. But for years i was searching for someone to help us feel like a 'family unit' and i think that's why i would rush head first in head first and get all 'futuristic.' But i've learned now that my DS needs protecting from all of this. So until he's a little older i'd like to find someone to see on a 'casual' basis and not have them have anything to do with my DS but simply be someone i can spend a few hours with on a regular basis and 'escape' from my chaotic life. I'm probably mental but i'm still entertaining magnet-man and his texts! A ghoster that's come back is that a zombie @SpringlikeBunk
Thanks @MayEye happy to hear MrL is treating you and making your birthday that little bit extra special.

Happy birthday @MayEye, hope you have a lovely day. And I’m so happy to read all the positive updates on Mr L. 💕

Happy birthday @MayEye 🥳

Happy birthday mayeye!

Misty9, that’s annoying . Well , you step back and arrange your own dates then . Non date from tinder , my arse. Dick !

It’s weird as I’m so jealous of everyone having sex
But I’m too nervous to meet the people live lined up as FWB

My mates on tinder and she got the classic ‘what are you looking for ?’ Message
She replied ‘diesel ‘

Sorting
Well done for having the chat x
It sounds like the jury is still out for you ?
Wait , watch , and see x
He clearly wants a relationship but seems to want the FWB behaviours
Gah 😖

@MayEye Happy Birthday!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Happy birthday mayeye!

Misty9, that’s annoying . Well , you step back and arrange your own dates then . Non date from tinder , my arse. Dick !

It’s weird as I’m so jealous of everyone having sex
But I’m too nervous to meet the people live lined up as FWB

My mates on tinder and she got the classic ‘what are you looking for ?’ Message
She replied ‘diesel ‘

🤣🤣

@Misty9 he sounds a bit like hard work actually, a non date? That just tells me he's wanting to keep his options open. Are you doing the same?

Happy birthday @MayEye!

@Misty9 that non- date sounds weird. But fair to you or the girl he is meeting. I whet if he is just testing your reaction?

Sorry i meant NOT fair

@Sugaspunsista @Misty9 I agree, seems odd unless you've already agreed that you're still free to date others

@MayEye Happy Birthday 🎉🥳

@MayEye happy birthday 🥳

@SortingItOut that's great you got to talk but it seems like you're still in limbo

@Naimee87 I am not surprised that you're feeling uneasy. That is exactly what MrE's behaviour is designed to do. I'm very pleased that you're getting away. Continue to be vigilant. I was worried when you said that your dog wouldn't settle the other night. The time is right to take precautions and maybe install a cheap camera or ring doorbell. You have a good record of the interactions with MrE here. Don't be ashamed in telling people, everyone will want to help and in the end it was actually my neighbour's witness statement that meant my stalker got a good and proper warning. Hugs and positive thoughts to you, sadly it may feel like a hammer to crack a nut but he needs a sign that you're taking this seriously. And it might stop him doing it to anyone else

The guy I mentioned on the last thread who I invited in and turned me down (let’s call him Mr Cars as he works in a garage) has now got in touch and said if I’d like to meet again he’s willing to take small steps if I am. Not sure what to make of this as in a previous message he’d said he felt we were at different stages in life (he’s ten years older with a grown up child, though looks young for his age).

@Stayingstrongish

The guy I mentioned on the last thread who I invited in and turned me down (let’s call him Mr Cars as he works in a garage) has now got in touch and said if I’d like to meet again he’s willing to take small steps if I am. Not sure what to make of this as in a previous message he’d said he felt we were at different stages in life (he’s ten years older with a grown up child, though looks young for his age).

How do you feel about that?? I wonder what exactly he means....i guess it's a good sign that you've been in his mind??

@Sugaspunsista I’m wondering whether he may have been right in his initial answer and it wouldn’t work as a proper relationship but might as something casual - but not sure if that will get complicated. Dating is a confusing minefield!

@Stayingstrongish personally I would feel a bit like he had another option and that fell through. But I'm always suspicious!

Thanks for all the thoughts on the non date thing. It was arranged after he remembered I'm not here, but he says she suggested it and they've already clarified that she wants a relationship and he doesn't (they video chatted before we did) so it's not romantic. I said bollocks. Women don't go for drinks with men from tinder they don't fancy! It's tricky though because we've known each other less than a week and have been on one actual date and had sex, but talked/video chatted every day.... So we're both free agents really? I did ask him why he'd told me and he said because he wants to be honest. We've been messaging today. I don't really know what to think tbh! We've got plans to meet next week too. I think he's scared of how much he likes me when he isn't in the headspace for anything serious.

Women don't go for drinks with men from tinder they don't fancy!

I do. It's not me though.

I made a good friend after agreeing to meet for a drink having accepted that neither of us was actually attracted to the other. That was April, we're off to the cinema tomorrow.

But if he's not looking for a relationship, is this your position too?

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Sugaspunsista I’m wondering whether he may have been right in his initial answer and it wouldn’t work as a proper relationship but might as something casual - but not sure if that will get complicated. Dating is a confusing minefield![/quote]
Either he was dishonest before or he's being dishonest now.

Don't date dishonest people.