Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@BelladiMamma 🙂 I totally do this too! I think it's what happens when you have a great imagination.

Is there any chance you guys can see eachother again? I'm not sure how Feeld works and whether there's an unspoken agreement that it's a one night only thing?

[quote Languidleopard]@BelladiMamma 🙂 I totally do this too! I think it's what happens when you have a great imagination.

Is there any chance you guys can see eachother again? I'm not sure how Feeld works and whether there's an unspoken agreement that it's a one night only thing?[/quote]
I think Feeld is whatever you make it?

He was talking about wanting to see me again and got very excitable about how much he liked me and kept telling me. But I could see that this morning his head was already in the show.

We did however bump into his Oscar nominated co star on the way to the tube and he carried on holding my hand whilst I was totally oblivious 🤣

But I know that it's only a few hours together so I'm now going to pin my hopes on anything. We had a very very nice time and I'm grateful for that. I needed it 🤣

@SortingItOut
It's an expensive steak place- about £35 for steak, so i'm guessing drinks will be inflated to go with?

[quote MarrymeTomHardy]@SortingItOut
It's an expensive steak place- about £35 for steak, so i'm guessing drinks will be inflated to go with?[/quote]
Have you spoken to him on the phone? Built up much of a rapport? Do you think you want to spend a whole evening with him?

Is Feeld for sex only or is it a dating site?

@Eesha

Is Feeld for sex only or is it a dating site?

People say what they're looking for. Some are looking for relationships but they might have an unconventional lifestyle.

I'd say it's 'sex led / sex positive' at its best.

Very few potatoes on there so far ... lots of people with healthy alternative lifestyles. I'm currently a big fan, there's an honesty to the interactions which I haven't found anywhere else ...

@MarrymeTomHardy

Sorry for the "pile-on", I have definitely learned myself (through harsh experience!) that it's good when meeting new dates online to be slightly assertive in boundaries?

You don't need to be rude, just saying what you prefer and sticking to it is a good skill. And you learn a lot about the person from how they react.

Eg the guy I matched with on Saturday looked great, lots in common on paper, but was clearly "pushing for what HE wanted", which was coming over at the last minute to mine! So I (reluctantly) stuck to my own boundaries and dropped him.

As you've gathered, there are a lot of people without your best interests at heart online!

If this interaction/date is going to go well it shouldn't be a case of him "taking the lead and telling you what's happening and you going along with it".

That's not a show of genuine interest or wanting to make it special. You could easily get dressed up and have a nice, classy date in a wine bar or a nice local restaurant with a "date vibe" for less than £50.

You should be comfortable communicating with anyone you meet online and saying "I'm not Ok with the plan, can we do something else?". Good guys will respect this.

@BelladiMamma
Havent spoken on the phone but I tried that with BoyRacer & it still resulted in a ONS.
We have been chatting pretty much non-stop for a wk about every topic under the sun & refreshingly PG..
The only thing i'm worried (other than chemistry) about is that we'll have run out of stuff to say by Friday!

[quote MarrymeTomHardy]@BelladiMamma
Havent spoken on the phone but I tried that with BoyRacer & it still resulted in a ONS.
We have been chatting pretty much non-stop for a wk about every topic under the sun & refreshingly PG..
The only thing i'm worried (other than chemistry) about is that we'll have run out of stuff to say by Friday![/quote]
It's not so much the ONS vibe but the long evening that I'm concerned about ... with expense.

@SortingItOut it can be tough but I'm quite senior so definitely take on more than I offload as a rule, through clients and those I manage. Are you in the same line of work? You should be from the wisdom in your posts!

As for why I end up with these emotionally unavailable types, it's a question I'm pondering too. I don't think I'm emotionally unavailable myself, but I think I possibly see people who can't meet my needs for their own reasons as safer - because then it isn't because of my needs being too much (my childhood and marriage experience). Possibly a bit too much soul baring for a public forum, but hey! I have now admitted to myself that I want a relationship, whereas previously I felt confused about this. So that should help weed out a few from the start (as should putting my profession on my profile!). Why do I go along with casual? Because I don't get many matches so I kid myself that I can cope with it... Not any more though.

How are you feeling about Mr K?

@Eesha

Is Feeld for sex only or is it a dating site?

It's for anything and everything. Very open. I assume it's a pun on "play the field".

Bit odd to use and I find it glitchy.

But the men seem better quality, more chatty.

@SpringlikeBunk
Its funny you should mention boundaries- I have been having counselling to improve my self esteem and teach me how to enforce healthy boundaries- thankyou for the advice...

OMG #2 BoyRacer just messaged me after 5 days of no comms...
No idea what is going on today!

@Misty9 Surely seniors need places to offload too?
I'm not in the same line of work although until recently I had been an 'Adviser' and somehow my clients always ended up treating me like a Counsellor and offloading all sorts on to me even though most was unconnected to what I was seeing them for, obviously I signposted them on to the correct services but still they liked to discuss things - I must have the face for it and was probably very sympathetic and likely they'd never had that before.

I'm glad you recognise why you pick the men who don't want relationships, I think understanding that is the key to actually enforcing good boundaries and being clear from the start.

I'm feeling ok about Mr K, I discussed it with my Counsellor and I'm kind of happy with how things have gone.
Interestingly she used the words 'self destructive' to describe why my first thought was to dump rather than sort the issue - its so true, I call it self sabotage and a way to stop me getting hurt again but of course as a grown up I need to consider my hurt and whether the level of hurt is justified or if it is a reflection of my past and feels worse due to that.

Due to annual leave I saw Mr K 3 times last week but this week I will see him once (for a shorter time than usual) and go a week between seeing him so will be interesting to see how I feel next week as not seeing him often makes us lose some of our connection and I get a bit 'meh' about us.

@MarrymeTomHardy With #2 could you enforce some of your boundaries?
Is he just hitting you up for a booty call?
5 days without messaging is not acceptable unless he's died, everyone can spare 2 seconds to send a text even in a crisis.

@sortingItOut
Yup - he is definitely a booty call, but that was the agreement, its actually only neen 3 days, I was wrong, but still?!

@MarrymeTomHardy Are you happy with booty calls or do you want more?

Make sure you know what you want and don't allow yourself to be used.

@SortingItOut
I think the problem is, I don't know...
Boyracer is significantly younger & hot, so yes BUT
MrNormal is lovely & a more long term prospect (just dont know if there is chemistry yet)
Also, I now feel massively guilty for speaking to them both at the same time!

marryme we're all piling in here.... but with your best interests at heart. Expensive steak dinner with someone you haven't met is a high risk game. I had a wonderful phone connection with an iron I spoke to several times and because he drove for over two hours and I drove for one hour to meet, it made sense to make it dinner. The moment I saw him outside the restaurant I wanted to turn around and go home. Instead I had to sit and eat dinner with him. It was awful. At least it wasn't expensive and he declined my offer of splitting the bill but those were my only positives from that night. And leaving. Why don't you suggest somewhere you can legitimately leave after half an hour or so - maybe something's come up and you have to feed your neighbour's cat... at a very specific time... unless you fancy him, in which case the cat can starve...

Must.
Stop.
Swiping.

Too many possible date zeros floating around now and I might lose some good contacts and regret the waste later on

I changed my age range to include late 20’s guys (I’m just past mid 30’s) and although I felt a bit squeamish as I’d prefer closer or within a couple years older or younger (obviously I don’t lie about my age and have recent no-make up photos) the quality/quantity just improved exponentially!

And it’s like “normal polite communication and dating”, not some “older woman sex fantasy” thing. Well it could be but it’s all sensible coffee and drink suggestions.

The Ok guys my own age do just seem to be non-existent or coupled up or creepy sex-mad app players now

Thankfully I've woken up and I'm not in love with MrActor anymore.

I will get in touch with later today probably and see if he wants to meet again.

If not, I I snoozed my profile overnight on Feeld and I have the usual 300+ matches. Had a couple of conversations which I unmatched from this morning due to distance & age. Otherwise 2-3 new and promising ones.

Oh and MrItaly is taking me out for lunch tomorrow and MrSardinia messaged me asking for another meet.

So I will survive even if I never get to see MrActor again in all his buff, charming, thespian glory. Actors, eh.

@MarrymeTomHardy You are doing nothing wrong by talking and meeting with 2 men. You are not exclusive with anyone at the moment.

Personally if things go well with Mr Normal and you get to the stage of sleeping with him you'll need to think about binning off #2 as not many people want to be sleeping with 2 people unless everyone is aware and has consented.

@BelladiMamma I'm glad you've fallen out of love with Mr Actor 😂

@SpringlikeBunk

Must. Stop. Swiping.

Too many possible date zeros floating around now and I might lose some good contacts and regret the waste later on

I changed my age range to include late 20’s guys (I’m just past mid 30’s) and although I felt a bit squeamish as I’d prefer closer or within a couple years older or younger (obviously I don’t lie about my age and have recent no-make up photos) the quality/quantity just improved exponentially!

And it’s like “normal polite communication and dating”, not some “older woman sex fantasy” thing. Well it could be but it’s all sensible coffee and drink suggestions.

The Ok guys my own age do just seem to be non-existent or coupled up or creepy sex-mad app players now

I like the normal interactions / let's have coffee convos. Anything else gets too tiring too quickly - like with MrActor, the filth is definitely interspersed with decent convo

[quote SortingItOut]@MarrymeTomHardy You are doing nothing wrong by talking and meeting with 2 men. You are not exclusive with anyone at the moment.

Personally if things go well with Mr Normal and you get to the stage of sleeping with him you'll need to think about binning off #2 as not many people want to be sleeping with 2 people unless everyone is aware and has consented.

@BelladiMamma I'm glad you've fallen out of love with Mr Actor 😂[/quote]
Would still love to see him again goddammit 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️😍